Yesterday I got some contracts via email to sign, so I printed them out and bundled up to head up to town and mail them out. It was nine degrees outside. I got about a block away from my house and began to cross the street. Almost to the other side, I hit a patch of ice.

I was walking like a penguin.

Despite my caution (I’ve been terrified of the ice since first arriving in the US), I lost my balance. My feet went straight out from under me, like a fucking cartoon. I came down hard on my right...