When I was a child, I hated my awkwardness. I was taller than most girls my age, and while my friends were pretending to get married, I was dreaming of the CEO life, with no specific plan in mind.

When I got older, I’ll say around my teenage years, I was confused about my feelings toward those I liked. I thought girls were pretty, and if a cute boy smiled my way, I thought he was groovy too. But what about my friends? They didn’t share my feelings, and as a result, I was outcast and labeled weird.

In my early twenties it didn’t take me long to realize that I didn’t fit in to any specific mold. I was neither gay nor straight. I was neither good nor evil. At 5’7, I was neither tall nor short, and in the end, about my late twenties, it became clear that I was just me. I was complex. I was just Toy, but was that cool enough?

After a major event, a strange freedom came over me. I decided that if something happened to me, and I died, the world would live on despite itself. Although appreciated by some, there wouldn’t be any strange memorials going up in my honor, and before long I would be loved and soon forgotten.

So what did I do after this life changing recollection? I embraced what it meant to be me! I loved who I loved. Liked who I liked. Fucked who I wanted. Went to as many strip clubs as I desired, and eventually discovered the career I never knew existed…a life as a published author. Before long I saw the power in being different and the glory of standing out, and there was no turning back. I love my awkwardness now. I mean, why I wanna be you when I got my swag by being me?

Something else happened too. I was blessed with a small network of friends, and a massive group of associates, who love me for me (my close friends are small, and its like that by design – MY design). I realize that for me to be me, those who love me don’t need to think, feel and act as I do. I’m different from them, and because of it, we learn from each other, and have a larger view of life!

If you’re awkward too, take a few moments to consider what that means before you count yourself out, and think your differences are curses. Perhaps there is someone out there just like you, and they need you as their representative. Besides, feeling sorry for yourself is so early eighties, and its time to reach out, tell your story, and help others.

Do you have a handicap? Consider Oscar Pistorius. (minus the alleged murder, of course. That tragic event only showed that we are equal in everything, even our evilness) Still he overcame all kinds of obstacles, and eventually became an Olympic Champion.

Do you desire a career that’s totally different than what you’re doing right now? Think about me. Before becoming a writer, and owning an urban fiction publishing house, I was a waitress, cashier, mail sorter, model, customer service rep, certified massage therapist, maid, homeless girl, job corp student, prisoner, manager, assistant manager, sales person, shoplifter, gang member, fighter, juvenile delinquent, super hero (its true-gets me into the most trouble even today), complainer, drunk (still working on this one – I loves my vodka) and slacker. Had I embraced any of the above, and believed that was all I was capable of, I wouldn’t be doing what I enjoy right now. I probably wouldn’t even be alive.

If you are different too, consider the possibilities. Awkwardness is in, and being like everyone else is out. If you can’t find your mold in the world, do yourself a favor and create your own!

Nobody remembers the regular guy, but once you embrace who you really are, they will remember you. I know I will.

Come join me. I’m waiting! #TeamAwkward

ABOUT T. STYLES

Author. Show Host, Motivational Speaker. Award Winning CEO of The Cartel Publications – an international, independent publishing house and book store. Toy’s publishing house The Cartel Publications, is the face of today’s urban fiction and street fiction industries. In both the digital and print world, the Cartel represents the best her generation has to offer in African American literature. She has aptly been dubbed “Urban Fiction Empress” and “a literary master”.

Toy is multifaceted and currently runs an independent publishing company, movie production company and popular Washington DC and Maryland area book store. In addition, she facilitates her popular seminar “How To Write A Novel In 30 Days”, using her non-fiction novel of the same title. Toy consults authors and publishing houses on what it takes to achieve success and longevity in the industry.

She has been featured in The Washington Post, The Baltimore Sun, Essence Magazine, Don Diva Magazine and Urban Book Source. She has been awarded Author Of The Year by AAMBC and was voted Most Underrated Author by The Urban Book Source.

When not writing, running the Cartel or producing independent movies based on her company’s novels, Toy travels and shoots videos for Cartel TV, a show geared toward her publishing house. Her first movie, Pitbulls In A Skirt, under her movie production company Cartel Urban Cinema, is due out in 2013.

Her novels include, The End (How To Write A Book In 30 Days), A Hustler’s Son (series), Black & Ugly (series), Raunchy (series), Shyt List (series), Pitbulls In A Skirt (series), Redbone (series), The Face That Launched A Thousand Bullets, Quita’s Dayscare Center, Reversed, Luxury Tax, and Cold As Ice.

Specialities:

Publishing, Writing, Public Speaking (Motivational, Branding, Writing)