How are things down their in the cunnilingus department? Is your lover’s tonguing technique up to scratch? Does he (or she) know how to chime the magic bell? Can he bob the buried treasure of the g-spot like it’s an invisible beach ball? Can he keep up the rhythmic motion of a drill tunnelling for precious oils? And then grind in circles until you smell the fresh coffee? No worries if he can’t, the new app LICK THIS is here with the promise of orgasms to die for.

LICK THIS follows the trend for wireless intimacy predicted in my blog Cybersex, but with a difference. It provides a tutorial for improving cunnilingus – not pleasure now, but pleasure delayed, the best sort, according to the Marquis de Sade!

Developed by Club Sexy Time of San Francisco, LICK THIS is being marketed for women to put on their lover’s device (pun intended), and was designed by Pablo Rochat and the erotically-named Chris Allick (surely a sign that there is a master plan for the universe). The app requires no download, just tap www.lickthisapp.com into your browser and put your tongue through its paces – which I did until everything was moist except me. My jaw ached, my throat was dry and my smartphone was sopping. Then I read the small print: cover your device with plastic wrap before you start. Silly me, always diving in without looking first.

The three exercises are: 1) Up n’ Down – where you have to get the point of your tongue in a position where it can flick a light switch up and down as quickly as possible; 2) Circles – where you wiggle your tongue about as if turning a mechanical handle; 3) Freestyle -  where you jab at a beach ball that appears randomly on the screen. This is all about eye-ball coordination, which men claim to have, especially in a car, and if LICK THIS makes the fairytale a reality that has to be a move in the right direction.

Club Sexy Time says they want people to have fun and talk more about technology and their bodies, which must have made for a totally weird business plan. But if LICK THIS helps persuade men that the clitoris is like a Bonsai-tree requiring constant tending and the g-spot is an unexplored island waiting to have a flag pinned at its peak, then Monsieur Allick will be living up to his name.

Cybersex blog @ http://chloethurlow.com/2014/03/cybersex/

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