Two items crossed my radar this week. First, a survey on rape conducted at UCLA. The second an item on Purity Balls, a movement spreading across the United States in which girls at about the age of 12 dedicate their virginity to their daddy.

The rape survey was carried out by Jacqueline Goodchilds, a psychology professor associated with the UCLA Center for the Study of Women. She asked a broad mix of high school students this question: Is it all right if a male holds a female down and forces her to have sex if…the list below is the percentage of guys who answered YES to the question, followed by the girls who answered YES:

He spent a lot of money on her                                     39% ~ 12%
He is so turned on he thinks he can’t stop                    36% ~ 21%
She has had sex with other guys                                   39% ~ 18%
She’s stoned or drunk                                                   39% ~ 18%
She lets him touch her above the waist                         39% ~ 28%
She is going to and then changes her mind                   54% ~ 31%
She has led him on                                                        54% ~ 26%
She gets him excited sexually                                        51% ~ 42%
They have dated for a long time                                     43% ~ 32%

So there we have it: 42% of high school girls from this particular survey think it’s okay if a guy holds her down and rapes her if she gets him excited sexually? Girls who believe this clearly see themselves as sexual objects and are complicit in male-dominated ideas and values. Girls in the 21st century who think of themselves in this way, not as individuals with the right to say NO, must have been so controlled by macho thinking that their own minds have turned to mush.

The marketing men selling stuff in our male-led consumer society influence girls to believe they must be pretty, curvy, obedient, that the greatest achievement is to be draped half-naked over a car in a magazine ad. The underlying message is always sexual.

If we move on to purity balls, the inherent message is exactly the same. Girls of 12, and sometimes as young as seven, pledge at these ceremonies to remain pure until her wedding day and gifts her virginity to her father until marriage. The balls resemble weddings and the girls dress as brides. Daddy, on bended knee, gives his little girl a purity ring to signify her commitment to virginity, and she signs a contract to seal the deal. Purity in this case is a promise to have no sexual contact whatsoever, no dating and no kissing until her wedding night when daddy’s little girl gives her virginity, the property of daddy, to the man who will now be her guardian and protector.

Purity balls have a religious connotation. The documentary The Virgin Daughters – you can see it for free at -  http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/virgin-daughters – shows a pastor explaining to one little girl that the purity ring is ‘a reminder that keeping yourself pure is important. So you keep this ring on your finger and from this point you are married to the Lord and your father is your boyfriend.’

The purity ball ends with daddies dancing with their little girls. The gowns the girls wear are often cut with bare shoulders, slender waists, lots of chiffon, the look simulating bride’s dresses with their combination of innocence and desirability, a sexual ambiguity which is adult, fun and part of the wedding day ritual. For adult brides. Not for little girls. Little girls dressed with the same ambiguity is not fun. It is a misjudgment.

The men who organize purity balls love their little girls. There is not doubt about that. But I have to ask: can a man can love his daughter too much, so much that he is submerging her personality, her individuality, her ability to take risks, make choices, take chances, be whole? Protecting young girls by marrying them to the Lord, by placing rings on their fingers and making daddy their boyfriend is only one step away from keeping daughters locked up and in veils, something that would be understood and applauded in Afghanistan, where religion decrees that a woman should only leave her house twice in her lifetime: once to marry and the second time to be buried.

According to the documentary, one in every six girls in the United States now pledges to remain a virgin and save her first kiss for her wedding night. The practice started in the US, exists in 48 states and has spread to 17 other countries. Girls from the age of five attend purity balls to get them used to thinking about chastity, celibacy, virtue and morality, adult concepts, not of purity, but sexuality.

There has been an elected Parliament in the United Kingdom for 400 years. It was only 100 years ago that women got the vote. After thousands of years of patriarchal society, women in the last century have made long strides towards equality. Girls must make their own choices, not have them made for her by daddy and the pastor. Those girls brought up with these suspect and confusing ideas about sex and boys are going to be less able to cope with contemporary society and more likely to end up getting raped. And 42% of them, if they are raped, will believe it is her fault for getting the guy excited. What is the difference between rape and purity balls? One is the suppression of women by control. The other is the opposite.

 

 

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