That would be me dying of hilarity. Honey? Not so much. Actually not at all. *wipes tears* Sorry can’t help it. This slayed me this morning. Here’s the cellphone conversation:

Well, before I get to that I should probably mention that I had to call three times because Honey didn’t pick up on the first two. So think about me dialing, listening to four rings until his voicemail comes on and then me immediately hanging up and pressing redial. Hey, I know the thing is either clipped to his tool belt or in his pocket so he isn’t escaping that easily.

Finally Honey answers, but you have to think about his tone. It’s gruff and growly with aggravation, “This better be important.”

Of course it was important. I only call him at work for the big stuff. Did any of you guys read this blog post? That was important too. “Everyone will be to the house by 2:00.”

“And?”

“I’m out shopping right now for dinner stuff.”

“And?” Only this time when he said it his voice was louder. He was trying to make a point that I completely ignored.

“Do you know if we need butter? I forgot to check before I left this morning.”

“Butter.” Wasn’t a question and strangely the word came out kind of flat.

“Yes.”

I hear some muffled sounds and then someone in the background speaking, but before I can ask him who it is, he answers. “Can you pick up some butter?”

“I knew it. Sure.”

“Also some paper towels and dish washing liquid.”

I was so impressed I was committing those items to memory because they somehow escaped my notice when I was taking inventory of what I needed to buy. “Got it.”

“Great, now could you drop them by (and he gives me an address) around 3:00?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because the guy lying next to me needs to bring those items home.”

There’s me forgetting about the groceries and thinking all kinds of things. “You’re lying next to a guy and I wasn’t invited? Is he good looking?”

I hear Honey say, “Hey, Tony, my wife would like to know if you’re good looking?” After  a few mumbles Honey says to me, “He thinks so and he’s says his wife has no complaints.”

“Nice, now where are you lying so I can get a good visual?”

“Under an @#!%! house that’s where! It’s 150 degrees down here. We’re both sweating our balls off trying to fix this duct work so if you want a visual you may want to include sopping wet hair and steaks of dirt everywhere. You called three times for #$#@! sakes! I thought this was important.”

“It is,” I insisted as I turned into the grocery store parking lot. “I needed to know if we were out of butter, but now that I think about it, I could have just picked some up and if we had extra we had extra.”

Silence.

Then me trying not to laugh as I say, “But thanks a lot. Between the talk of butter and two good looking guys – dirty and sweaty – giving me some visuals, I’ll probably forget half the stuff I’m supposed to buy.”

He sighs into the phone, and then asks, “Are you done?”

“No, I’m just getting started. What time are you going to be home? I think I’d like…” *insert me talking dirty to him. Really dirty. Here* Then… “What do you think about that?”

He was quiet for a beat and then said, “I’m thinking Tony’s looking pretty good right about now, so maybe you should think about that until I get home.”

Then? He hung up. LOL! I called back but it went right into his voicemail. Heheheh. Methinks Honey is not amused, but I am and that’s really all that matters, right?

*insert a 35 minute time lapse here*

Aww. Okay, before I got a chance to post the above I got sidelined with phone calls. So Honey and I had one more exchange. After I finished my phone calls, I noticed the door knob on the laundry room door had been turned around. In that the lock which used to be on the inside of the laundry room now faced the hall. And my heart melted a little. Okay, a lot. You see my Mom (Madge) is a wee bit confused lately after she had a very tricky surgery done and she kept turning the lock and locking herself in the laundry room by mistake. I mentioned this to Honey, but never asked him to change it. He just changed it on his own without even telling me. I love that! So I just sent him a big hug and thanks via text about it. What did I get back? He sent me one of his very, very, VERY rare smiley faces…and crap. I melted a little more.

Gee, now I kinda feel bad about calling him. Maybe I’ll be more careful about what I call him for…nah, who am I kidding? That’s never going to happen. Poor guy.

Riley