These are highlights from a teleclass I did with Tammy Nelson. You can purchase recordings of this class at her website: The New Monogamy; Love, Sex and Fidelity

In the US, first the act [sexual infidelity] is reprehensible, then the character of the person is attacked, then we move to pathologize the behavior. In the US, our language enables us to approach infidelity with great judgmentalness and suspicion. We need to create a more neutral ground to help couples in pain.

The US is tolerant about divorce and intolerant towards infidelity. Countries which are more family oriented are more tolerant of infidelity and less tolerant towards divorce. Courtesy of women who have the social responsibility of keeping the family together. A burden that still hovers over women and points to longstanding gender inequalities.

As therapists, we have to ask ourselves, does the monogamous model works for everyone? Is there a way in which we can say that monogamy is something that needs to be negotiated? And not just assumed?