Letting go of the barns.
"Jon Acuff? He's just that guy who ripped off the site Stuff White People Like."
It's never fun to hear someone summarize your life in a negative way. It's especially painful when it's a well-known leader you look up to.
But there it was. I had intended to write about something different today until a friend passed on a sentiment that is still floating out there. And let's be honest, it's true. I've been crystal clear that this site was not my original idea. I've long touted the skill and creativity of Christian Lander, the founder of the satirical Stuff White People Like. But I think by this point you and I have turned this site into something more than just a rip off.
My first reaction upon hearing that sentence was arrogance. "Keep saying that. Bring it on. Stuff Christians Like will just keep building kindergartens in Vietnam and reaching millions of people, literally millions of people with the love of Christ while you sleep on the idea that it's just a rip off."
But as my Grandfather used to say, "Anytime you have a thought that references both Christ and the cheerleading movie, 'Bring it On,' you're in a bad place."
And I was.
Once the arrogance dissipated, I felt insecure. I'm really not the most confident person. I can talk a pretty good game but at the end of the day I'm a pretty worrisome guy prone to doubt and the occasional anxiety attack.
How about you? What do you do when you're confronted by people who don't think that much of you?
You're not a good enough mom.
You're a middle level employee and will always be a middle level employee.
You'll never be married, that window has closed.
Not every one can be special and you're certainly not.
You're pretty on the inside but not on the outside.
Barbs can come in a million shapes and sizes but the one thing they have in common is that they hurt. And when we feel the sting, we react in different ways, but I know exactly what I usually do.
I run to the barn.
And oddly enough, that is what God predicted I would do in Isaiah 30: 15-17:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.' Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill."
When I'm pushed into a corner, when someone has doubts about me or hates on me, I tend to run right to my barn and jump on a horse.
I ride the horse named "affirmation and approval."
I ride the horse named "achievement."
In the past I rode the horse named "drugs."
And regardless of who you are, I guarantee you have a barn too.
Maybe it's not as full as mine is sometimes, maybe it has different horses, but we all have barns on the acreage of our hearts. For some people the barn is full of porn or shopping or money or manic self improvement. There's no limit to what you'll turn to when you're sad and angry and alone.
But I am tired of riding horses.
Stuff won't save me.
Other people won't save me.
Geography won't save me. I could move to Italy today and the same pursuers would find me there. Longitude and latitude never save us.
Nothing and no one can save us. That's how it feels, yet the passage doesn't end with verse 17. The message in Isaiah has something else to say, something I've written about before. Here is verse 18:
"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!"
I love those verses. We don't serve a Lord who likes us, we serve a Lord who LONGS for us. Showing us compassion isn't one of the things on God's long to do list, it's the reason he rises. He is a God of justice, blessed are all who wait for him.
It's time to burn some barns.
It's time to throw the lit match of grace into the dirty hay and false hope of the barns we've built for years.
It's time to watch God blow up and consume the things we thought would save us, but never really could.
Give up the horses.
The King is near.
Love has arrived.
