I sit back and think of the areas in my life that need the most improvement. The things that I should work on to make me a better person. The one that always comes to the forefront is my willingness to forgive. As a human being I am engineered to hold a grudge and resent situations before I evaluate them and try to forgive. I spend countless hours plotting revenge to those who have wronged me, when what I should be doing is forgiving these people. I waste so much time wondering how I could make their lives miserable, when all it would take is three little words…”I forgive you.” So what is forgiveness? If you look up the definition there are various meanings but each of them have one word in common. “Stop”. Which we all know means to put a halt to. But in this world we live in, stopping something is unheard of. We don’t want to stop what we’re doing, we want to go as far as we can and damn the consequences. When driving a car, stopping can mean the difference between getting safely to our destination or ending an innocent life. Why don’t we think about this in regard to not being out of a car? Sure the situation we are facing might not be as dire as taking a life, or can it? Could it be that the situation is taking part of your life and killing it? Non-forgiveness takes a piece of your soul that you will never get back. It seeps into the cracks of your heart and poisons you until you are left gasping for air. Too much anger and resentment will kill a person over time. It will invade parts of you that you can’t begin to fathom. How do I know this? I have made myself a victim of it, that’s how. I have made the choice to hold a grudge until I cannot sleep at night, until there is nothing else on my mind but the thoughts of extreme anger.

So how do we forgive? It seems simple, but for most it’s not. We think that forgiveness is just picking up the phone and telling someone we forgive them. But what about ourselves? Shouldn’t we pay attention to that? Indeed we should. Letting go of hate is a task that requires the ability to reach within ourselves and pull that hate from the depths of our soul. To look it in the eye and tell it that it no longer has a place within us. It takes an extreme act of strength to take on this beast. Because it will fight you like a dragon, it wants to stay inside of you and reek havoc. Will you let it? Will you continue to welcome it to breathe its fire inside of you, burning your heart until there is nothing left but anger?

I have personally been forgiven for a lot of things in my years on this earth. I have intentionally wronged people, I have stabbed others in the back and I have most importantly, done harm to myself. I told myself that they deserved it, that they were worthy of my wrath. But I don’t get to make those decisions do I? I don’t get to judge others and dish out the punishment. So my penance for my actions was begging for forgiveness. When the time came, I was on my hands and knees begging for the people in my life to take mercy on me, and show me more kindness than I’d showed them. They didn’t have to, but they refused to hold anger, and decided to forgive me. For that, I am grateful. I know very well that they will never forget my transgressions, and neither will I. But I will use the experience as a lesson to not let myself slip back into that pattern again. They will use them to show me when I am beginning to slip.

We think we are strong by holding steadfast to our resolve. But it takes a stronger person to open up and forgive than it does to hold a grudge. So this is my vow. I will work on my forgiveness skills. I will be the bigger person and show others how it’s done. I will empty my soul instead of filling it up with hate from now on. I will ask for forgiveness when I see that I’ve wronged someone. But above all else I will start to realize that I am only human. I will make mistakes, I will fall short. But I will no longer fault myself for every little thing that goes awry. I will forgive the one person that deserves it the most in this world…Myself.