When we explain to the couple that it is up to them to make changes, what do we say when they ask why are you here, what is your role?

Whenever a couple poses this question, I will say: “Ultimately, I can come up with the best ideas but you are the only ones who can free yourself.” I can open the doors to the cell, but they have to walk through. It is our job to keep them accountable and honest about their contribution. We help them take the risks that will ultimately make them feel more self-respecting and more committed to making a difference rather than simply blaming the others. Our role is to help them understand themselves better in the relationship and how they want to change to be a better partner, creating the relationship that they want. I am here for all that, but ultimately I’m not going home with them.