We find happiness in being who we are, not in striving to become who we would like to be. When dreams end, at moments of boredom, loneliness or disappointment, we have a tendency to ask ourselves the same four questions:

The questions come instinctively. But we seldom have the honesty to answer them. It is as if we are looking into a dusty mirror and are afraid to sweep away the dust. The mind creates dreams, illusions, self-deceptions.

We imagine a change of partner or career, a holiday or treating ourselves to a costly new object, will bring back our lost sense of contentment. But balance only returns when we take a step back into our true selves and stop trying to be what we or not, or acquire what we do not need.

There is a belief that what you visualise can materialise: that success, money and happiness are there for the grabbing if you concentrate on them; that the universe answers your desires if you make those desires clear. In the book The Secret, Rhonda Byrne suggests that you write a list and read it regularly like a prayer so that you are unequivocal about your dreams and wishes.

We only have to look at the millions of people suffering in wars, the refugees, the starving, to see that the universe is not a vast superstore answering the dreams of those privileged enough to have dreams. Dreams are an illusion. A mirage. The dream is not to have dreams.

The quest of the alchemists to turn lead into gold is a metaphor for our attempts to turn the base metal of ourselves, that person hooked on consumerism, filled with angst and ambition, into the gold of what we can be and really are. An inner voice constantly urges us to change; some people take that urge to the extreme of the surgeon’s knife. But there is a still deeper voice at the core of our being whispering that the secret is just to be yourself.

We can spend our lives conjuring dreams, waiting for some special moment, some challenge, some prize, some lover, some opportunity, some special reason why we exist. Rarely does that moment come – and, when it does, if it does, we are seldom ready or recognise that the moment has arrived.

John Lennon said life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. He also wrote, with Paul McCartney, All You Need Is Love. Look at the four questions listed above and take John’s advice.

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