It was the year 3015 and Earth was besieged by aliens. Despite the best efforts of the I.I.C. (Intergalactic Immigration Control) they still bored through the anti-matter shield surrounding the planet like giant termites gnawing through an old header beam. From every corner of the cosmos they came -- though mostly from a tiny planet orbiting a dying sun some 100,000,000,000,000 light years away.

They called themselves "Architeuvians." Hideous, squid-like beings with a dozen tentacle-like appendages undulating from an otherwise humanoid body. Huddled together in urban ghettos, they worked for meager wages at the lowest paying jobs: fry cooks; Walmart greeters. The folks on planet Earth were outraged. Not only were the aliens stealing jobs from needy Earthlings, but it was almost impossible to get a decent enchilada. As if things weren't bad enough, a brilliant though unknown star had mysteriously appeared in the night sky which had the entire scientific community scratching its collective noggin. What galaxy did this phantom gas ball hail from? Was it a supernova? Did it pose a potential threat to the planet Earth? Even the most powerful neutron telescopes yielded no answers. It was bright though. So bright, that by comparison, it made the Sun seem like a 40 watt bulb over which someone had draped an old T-shirt.

"I'm sick a lookin' at that thing ... It's so bright I can see it through my eyelids!" Maximus Interruptus said. Maximus was the "Deporter General." Top dog at the Intergalactic Deportation Center. It was his job to intercept alien life forms attempting to sneak through the anti-matter shield and slingshot them back to the planet (or star system) from whence they came. It was a lousy, thankless job ... and boy did he love it! Maximus squinted at the rogue star that blazed in the center of the night sky outside his observation portal.

"Bad omen if ya ask me ... and where in heaven's name is that grilled cheese sandwich I ordered from the commissary?"

"On its way Great One." Lucius, his assistant, said, "I hired a new cook today and things are a little backed up down there."

"Well, have 'em put a rush on it -- I'm starving!"

It had been a hectic day at the Deportation Center. Maximus had deported so many aliens that he hadn't had time to break for lunch. The captured aliens were trotted out before him where they were permitted to make their futile pleas for asylum -- then Maximus would pound his gavel loudly on his podium and holler, "Back you go!" ... And back they went -- at warp speed: their spacecraft blasted like a projectile from a giant ion propulsion cannon.

"What a day!" Maximus said, arm weary from all the incessant gavelling. "Any more requests for asylum, or can we adjourn for the evening?"

"The centurions just nabbed a couple trying to sneak through the shield ... and it looks like your sandwich has arrived."

An Architeuvian wearing a paper hat and apron suddenly appeared pushing a room service cart. It used one of its tentacle-like appendages to remove the cover from Maximus's grilled cheese sandwich, and three others to fasten a plastic bib around his neck and pour a cup of coffee.

"For the love of Euripides! ... Is that an Architeuvian you hired?"

Lucius gave Maximus a sheepish look. "He told me he was from France. Besides, with all those extra appendages he can do the work of an entire kitchen staff ... and wait'll you try his enchiladas!"

"BACK HE GOES!" Maximus roared, banging his gavel so frantically the Architeuvian fled in panic. "We're being overrun by these creatures! All aliens must go! Bring in the next couple for deportation!"

With that, a pair of aliens were hauled before Maximus: a male and female of such breathtaking beauty, that reaching for his grilled cheese sandwich, the Deporter General nearly swallowed his gavel instead. In all his years at the Intergalactic Deportation Center, Maximus had never encountered such magnificent beings. Their gleaming golden bodies looked as if they'd been carved by Michelangelo while thumbing through an underwear catalog. Both had flowing manes of bright silver hair and glittering emerald-like eyes; a pair of majestic white angel's wings sprouting from between their shoulder blades.

"What have we here?" Maximus leered at the female.

"Humble messengers bearing joyous tidings." The female smiled. Like her partner, she seemed to radiate an aura of goodwill and tranquility.

Maximus narrowed his already beady eyes, "Joyous tidings?"

"We have traversed the galaxy to proclaim the coming of a new king soon to be born unto you -- one heralded by the appearance of the great star."

"This is the year 3015 and we here on Earth no longer bow to kings." Maximus chuckled, "This isn't a monarchy ... it's a quasi-Fascist corporate oligarchy. I like your style though. Think I could arrange for a couple work visas. There's an opening for a cook and I could use a new personal assistant ..." Maximus winked at the female and banged his gavel, "Asylum granted!" The two aliens were then hustled off for processing.

"Anything else on the docket?"

"Indeed O Great One." Lucius said, "Seems we just intercepted another alien couple attempting to sneak through the shield."

"Very well then. Let's get this over with."

Two Architeuvians were led before Maximus. He looked them over with an air of disgust. Great Euripides! They were monstrous! What supreme being in his Heaven would create such an abomination?

"The hour draws late." Maximus said sternly, "Please state your case."

The larger of the pair bowed respectfully, tentacles undulating like an octopus.

"My name is X1R4Z3. In your English, 'Joseph.' And this is my mate, Y7Z2. in your English, 'Mary.' We spring from a planet whose sun is dying, and have traveled the very breadth of the cosmos to seek sanctuary here on Earth."

Maximus reached for his gavel, "Back you go!"

"But your Eminence! ..." The Architeuvian pleaded, "My mate is with child and due to give birth at any hour ... we beg you grant us asylum!"

"Oh, I get it!" Maximus sneered, "An anchor baby -- huh? Not on my watch! This is an Intergalactic Deportation Center -- not a maternity ward ... BACK YOU GO!"

"But your Eminence ..."

Maximus waved his gavel, "Spare me your feeble pleas for asylum. To borrow a phrase, 'there ain't no room at the inn.' Lucius, see that they're loaded into the ion propulsion cannon at once!"

Although the Architeuvian's eyes had all the emotive quality of a dead cod fish, even Maximus would've recognized the black hole of despair which registered there had he but bothered to look.

"Great One," Lucius interrupted, "With the holiday upon us, perhaps it would be a gesture of goodwill to allow the female to give birth before deporting them? There's an old shuttle craft hangar currently not in use. We can find space for them there."

"Ever the PR man, huh Lucius?" Maximus said, with a wry grin, "Brilliant! The media will simply eat it up! Very well then. I hereby declare a temporary stay of deportation until the female gives birth ... then back they go!"

Once again, Maximus's gavel sounded and the aliens were led away.

"That about wraps things up." Lucius said.

Maximus let out a sigh, "THANK GOD! I'm glad tomorrow's Christmas and we have the day off."

"Great One, why is Christmas celebrated as a holiday? Lucius asked, "Is there some historical significance?"

"Who knows?" Maximus said, "Just some anitquated ritual handed down through the ages. A day off is a day off."

"So true! Well, Merry Christmas O Great One!"

"Merry Christmas!"