I watched Fifty Shades of Grey on Thursday night. I never read the book. Well, I read a few sample chapters on Amazon, but I just couldn’t get into it. Anastasia’s inner goddess and inner dialogue were a bit too immature and all over the place for me. But I’ve always liked the premise (and erotica) so I had high hopes for the movie.

I loved it.

It certainly isn’t your typical love story, but it was steamy, angsty, and–in a dysfunctional sort of way–romantic. It kind of made me want to give the books another go. Dakota Johnson pretty much nailed her role, and I honestly feel like Jamie Dornan would have if he’d been able to use his accent. I know, I know. Christian Grey is not British (Irish?) but Jamie Dornan’s voice just sounds hotter in its original glory. Much like Robert Pattinson. In my opinion.

However, I was pretty irritated when I got back home, hopped on Facebook, and saw all this commotion about how the movie “promotes domestic violence” and “doesn’t do the BDSM culture justice.” I do not enjoy being shamed for having the nerve to enjoy a movie that pushes the envelope. (It barely even pushes the envelope! It nudges. Maybe. Last Tango in Paris? Anyone?)

Of course, you can only really feel ashamed if you let yourself feel ashamed, and I chose not to. But that fact certainly doesn’t stop other people from trying.

Here’s the thing–I didn’t see any of the stuff people are up in arms about in the movie. As I said, I haven’t read the books, so I can’t comment on the quotes everyone is pulling from those. What I saw in the movie was this:

Christian reminding Anastasia that there was a helicopter on standby if at any point she wanted to leave.
Christian and Anastasia discussing what she was and was not comfortable with in the playroom AND putting it in writing.
Anastasia telling Christian “no” at the end of the movie, and Christian listening.

Domestic violence? Not so much. The key here is CONSENT. She consented to everything that was happening, even at the end when he spanked her with a belt and she cried. Thorughout the movie, she was a bit naive, but she was also was unafraid to speak her mind or say what she did/did not want. I did not see Christian pressuring, forcing, or even coercing her in any way. He was up front and honest. “This is how I do relationships. Take it or leave it.” Well, folks, she took it. Fully informed.

The one part in the movie (ONE) that I viewed as controlling was when he showed up at her mother’s house. Some might view it as a grand getsure. Not me. Don’t interrupt my family time.

As for ruining the BDSM culture, the idea strikes me as utterly ridiculous. If you’ve read my stuff, you know it’s pretty vanilla, so I won’t pretend to be an expert in that area. HOWEVER, I do know a fair bit about relationships, and the number one thing I’ve learned about them is that they are no one’s business except the two (or more, let’s be modern) people involved in said relationship.

E.L. James did not set out to write a “how to” guide for BDSM. She wrote one couple’s story. It’s not a commentary, it’s not ruining anything or giving anyone the wrong impression. This is how BDSM works for this couple. This is how they are choosing to live their (fictional) lives. If you use whips and handcuffs in your sex life, but the way you do it is different from the way they do it in the book, who gives a shit? The story isn’t about you. They aren’t part of your world. They are in their own world, a fictional world that we are privy to and at the end of the day really shouldn’t take all that seriously.

Fifty Shades of Grey is not the enemy, and this whole anti movement is really no different than certain groups trying to ban Harry Potter for promoting witchcraft or Twilight for promoting unhealthy teen relationships (and witchcraft). If someone reads these novels and tries to emulate them, the problem is not the author or the content; the problem is the reader’s lack of ability to decipher fact from fiction.

I’ve written unhealthy relationships before. A mercenary and a prostitute. A bouncer and a stripper. A bodyguard and the daughter of a crime lord. There’s sex and violence. But it’s fiction. I know each move the characters make. I know they’ll never go too far. I know the ending turns out okay.

No one can know that in real life. That’s why these stories are fiction. Fantasy. Fifty Shades of Grey is fantasy. Harry Potter is fantasy. Let’s not get caught up in which type of fantasy is better or worse. Let’s not make it seem like everyone who goes to see Fifty Shades must support abuse, while everyone who turns their nose up at it is a saint.

It doesn’t have to be #FiftyDollarsNotFiftyShades.

It can, in fact, be #FiftyDollarsANDFiftyShades.