*This entry is a part of a continuous series, reading the previous entries will help you follow without missing a beat* Two years later, I ran for State President and won presiding over 38 DC Chapters consisting of about 799 members at the tender age of 14. Who said dreams can’t come true? I was living my dreams and traveling all over the metropolitan area speaking to my peers and adults. Mrs. Collins coached me, purchased red and white business suits for me, taught me dining etiquette and introduced me to the late Dr. Cleeretta H. Smiley who together groomed me for my biggest challenge yet. I became the youngest FHA member to run for National President, speaking in front of thousands at an FHA convention in Chicago. I didn’t win that election but the experience was priceless! My junior high school years all but erased my memories of innocence.

The very topics that I was speaking against: peer pressure, drugs, sex, etc…were about to steal it, or shall I say borrow it because to steal would mean I was not a willing party in the taking of my innocence. I found some pornography tapes that I chose to watch and they awakened something that I didn’t even know existed as they chipped away at my innocence. My peers teased me about everything like being a nerd, always reading and speaking; they called me teacher’s pet more times than I could count. They would get angry because I would rather sit in the house and read than come outside. I think I was one of the very few kids to grow up in Southeast, DC and not know how to play cards and not care much for fried chicken or watermelon.

I was a dark skinned, skinny, pigeon-toed teenage girl. I had developed a very bad case of acne so I was teased and called rocky mountain; the other kids would say let’s play a game of connect the dots on Desi’s face. I was called black ugly monkey, grease monkey and a few names I dare not to repeat here. I was teased about my clothes because I couldn’t afford what other kids were wearing. I wore thrift store clothes or my mom would surprise us sometimes with an outfit from McBride’s or Mortons. I would be hyped about my new outfit, only to get teased because it came from the “cheap stores”. This began to cut deep and make me question how I felt about me, chipping further away at my innocence and my Spirit. My mom’s and my relationship began to suffer during the height of my FHA years; we were constantly going at it about my trips and what my teachers were doing for me.

One hot day in the summer of 1984, some peers challenged me to be cool and dared me to hit the joint that they were about to smoke. I had been around them smoking before but never indulged because I would think back to that day at my brother’s father house when I got sick smoking and drinking and I thought it was stupid. This day, after a full day of teasing and in a last minute decision to ditch my “good girl” image…I took a puff, and then another until I was laughing hysterically at anything and nothing. I didn’t seem to have a care in the world and surprisingly, I liked it. The straight A, State President of FHA had just made a choice that would change her life for years to come.

I was starting to want my own money so I would cornrow a male extended family member’s hair for a little extra change when during one of these sessions; he would slowly and slyly rub my foot against his penis as it would grow hard. It freaked me out at first but I didn’t tell my mother about it because I wanted to make the money. This occurred a few more times before I just told my mom I didn’t want to do his hair anymore and she said ok, no questions asked. I decided the following year to look for love. Someone was going to love me…all that stuff people said about me and the names they called me was about to change. I lost my virginity at 14 to one of the most popular boys in school. You couldn’t tell me anything because he wanted ME out of all the girls in the school!

Well, I soon found out it wasn’t me he wanted but my cookies and he took all I was willing to give in a short period of time before he started acting different and left me.  I felt so empty. I wanted to feel wanted again, loved. So I started going out with this “older guy” who was about 19 with a car and a motorcycle. Shoot, he was a man and yes, he wanted me. He would take me out to eat and then to a motel. I would lie to my mother about my whereabouts until my lies caught up with me. He paid to get my hair done and bought me my first designer bag, a Fendi. My young and naïve tail had no idea what I was doing but I was playing grown up for sure! That got me pregnant at 15 and left alone to have the first of many abortions. You would have thought that taught me a lesson but no, it just taught me to play the game a little smarter.  I started working after school to help out at home and get me some new clothes to look good.

Oh, I didn’t mention that my feet were turned in so badly that I would trip over my own feet. My mom took me to an orthopedic doctor who decided that I needed surgery to straighten my feet because the bone was turning in at the hip. The procedure was called an Osteotomy and the doctor cut the bone at the hip, turned it and put a metal plate in for one year that would help the bone heal straight. That left me on crutches for 6 months and then a repeat of the process when I had the plate removed a year later. Oh, and I had outgrown the seizures by now too and I no longer had to take dilantin.

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