Fighting Lies With Truth

By @10minunovelist Katharine Grubb

A month ago, I was given this assignment: write about facing the darkness.

Then, last weekend, some big important person said something discouraging about my writing. The big important person (whose opinion I had asked for) had an honest — but clearly not hurtful — opinion of a project of mine. My inner critic (whose opinion I had not asked for, and whose opinion is always hurtful) took those words and added a few of his own. In my mind, I made the mistake of given these two voices the majority in my head.

This is what I concluded:

 

That my significance comes from the approval of big, important people.
That being universally liked is more important than being true to myself.
That one setback proves that I am a failure.
That the enthusiastic following of ordinary people who read me isn’t enough.
That my preconceived path to success is the only one I’m willing to venture on.

So, naturally, this list of conclusions put me in a funk. Sadly, this is common for me. Sometimes the smallest bit of discouragement can be devastating to me. And I think, especially in my case, that there’s more to it than just not having thick enough skin. I know that in my case, my history colors my perceptions. When I get discouraging reviews or bad feedback, it’s not my project that is in question, it is my entire identity.

Now, I know what the truth is — that I am more than what others think of my work. But it’s in discouraging moments like these that I can’t get a handle on truth. My own weakness allows the truth to slip through my hands. The lies envelop me and seal me in. My own despondency drowns out any clear, rational voice. I have to fight against these lies, and last weekend, I couldn’t.

But if I could, I’d do it this way.

I take them one at a time and counteract each lie with a truth.

LIE: 1. That my significance comes from the approval of big, important people.

TRUTH: when I sit with my stories and sculpt my characters perfectly, and put clever words in their mouths and see delight from my close readers, then I am at my happiest. My joy, if it is well crafted, will be seen by others. My goal should never be universal approval, it should always be just to touch one soul.

LIE: 2. That being universally liked is more important than being true to myself in my art.

TRUTH: Trying to please everyone will just make me miserable. Trying to please me will bring me joy.

LIE 3. That one setback proves that I am a failure.

TRUTH: My identity as a failure was driven into me from childhood. I need to take a deep breath and change my thinking. Setbacks will come, but they are not my identity. One setback does not prove I am a failure; my willingness to keep going proves that I am a success.

LIE 4. That the enthusiastic following of ordinary people who read me isn’t enough.

TRUTH:  It’s the ordinary enthusiastic reader who will make me who I am. If I appreciate them, give to them generously, embrace all their faults and be content with their company, then my future success is more secure. The approval from the “cool kids” is often fickle and inconsistent and because I don’t have a strong relationship with them, it could be short-lived. I need to redefine what it means to be successful and refocus on who got me there.

LIE 5. That my preconceived path to success is the only one I’m willing to venture on.

TRUTH: The further down this path I go, the more understand the bumps, curves, twists, turns, uphills, crevices, potholes, floods, gullies, peaks and valleys in it. I have come a long way, but I have a long way to go and if my only objective is an arbitrary place called success, then I’ll never get there. But if my goals are specific, and if I enjoy the view of the journey, I’ll be far happier as I pursue them.

The truth is that I create my own happiness. What others say about us is just an opinion. If their words have power to devastate me it is because I’ve allowed them to have that power.

Get out of my head, you big, important person! Shut up, you stupid inner critic! I’m the boss of what I’m going to believe about my writing and you have no say.

I’ve faced the darkness and fought lies with truth. Now I’m all the more determined to prove other voices wrong.

If I can do it, you can too.

About the Author 

Katharine Grubb is a homeschooling mother of five, a novelist, a baker of bread, a comedian wannabe, a former running coward and the author of Write A Novel In 10 Minutes A Day. Besides pursuing her own fiction and nonfiction writing dreams, she also leads 10 Minute Novelists on Facebook, an international group for time-crunched writers that focuses on tips, encouragement and community. She blogs at www.10minutenovelist.com. She lives in Massachusetts with her family. Her new novel, Soulless Creatures, which is two 18 year old boys, not vampires, will be released August 2015.