Prologue: A Reason To Live
PrologueLoves greatest cure is salvation of one’s soul
Twelve months earlier . . . “Sergeant Sherman?”Sergeant Shane Sherman looked up from the report he’d been filling out and gave Private Emma Jane Sloan his full attention.“Yeah, Sloan?”“Sorry to bother you, Sir, but is it true you’re heading stateside next week?”“That’s correct. Back to civvies for me, Private.”Private Sloan, a kid barely out of high school, had stuck close to Shane from the moment she found out he was from her home state of Alaska. She’d lost her stepfather in high school and couldn’t afford college, so she’d signed up for the G.I. bill hoping to study to be a nurse. She was freckled faced with bright red hair and blue eyes as clear as the sky, but she was too young, in his opinion, to be in this war. She was unprepared for the death and destruction at such a young age. Because of this, Shane had worried she couldn’t hack it in Afghanistan and, against protocol, had kept a close eye on her. “It won’t be the same without you here, Sir,” she mumbled quietly, but Shane could see the fear in her eyes. Laying his pen down, he stood from his desk in the infirmary and looked down on her. She stood erect, at attention, just as she had been trained to do, yet it seemed unnatural for someone so young. The civilian in Shane wanted to reach out to the frightened girl, but military regulations forbid fraternization with subordinates.“You’ll be fine,” he responded, hoping like hell that he was right, “Stay alert and keep close to Sergeant McElroy.”Tears pooled in her eyes, but she took a deep breath and held them back. Seeing that, Shane had to bite his lip to keep from wrapping her in a brotherly hug.Jesus, she should be back home on a date not tending to the wounded.“Will you write?” she asked with hopefulness in her big blue eyes. “I mean will you keep in touch with the unit?”“You bet. I’ll send the whole unit pictures of the bears we have back home.”Private Sloan smiled, then dipped her head, shoring up the nerve to ask him something.“Um, I was wondering, when I come home do you think I could, ah, come up and visit you?” she finally asked, her crush on him shining in her eyes.Shane took a deep breath before he spoke; he didn’t want to lead her on. He was twelve years her senior and didn’t see her as a woman; he saw her like a kid sister. Most men would have seen the offer in her eyes and jumped at the chance to sleep with an attractive young woman, but Shane wasn’t most men. War had changed him. He’d intended to be career military, but after ten years in the Army, he’d seen the senseless killing first hand and now couldn’t wait to return to Trails End and settle down with a woman. He would find someone soft and warm, but with a backbone, and get on with his life. No more sand, blood, or death for him. He’d build that cabin he always dreamed of, finish medical school, and then raise a brood of kids.“My door’s always open to a former soldier. If you need me for anything you only have to ask,” he replied, hoping she understood that she would always be a friend, but nothing more.He saw her smile falter slightly, but she recovered quickly nodding her head.“Thank you, Sir,” she answered, then stepped back, saluted him, and waited for him to return the respect given. Just as Shane raised his own salute, an explosion could be heard in the distance. The popping sound of M240’s reverberated in the smoldering heat and Shane turned on his heel and hit the ground running out of the triage tent with Private Sloan following.Barking out orders as he went, his team began loading into the RG 33 armored ground ambulance, ready to assist with the injured. Shane headed for the driver’s seat, then searched the melee for Private Sloan. He found her wrestling with supplies and ordered her to ride shotgun. Whenever they assisted ground forces under attack, he kept her close. She was the youngest of his unit and the most inexperienced. She’d joined the military to get an education not to die at the age of nineteen, and he intended to keep her that way.Shane threw the armored vehicle into drive and took off behind a support platoon heading for the action. He could see mortar fire in the distance, and his heart rate sped up. The damage 81 mm ammo could do to a body turned his blood cold, and he took a deep breath for what was to come.He’d seen enough death and devastation to last two lifetimes and each time they were called to duty, he wondered if this would be the time his luck would run out. And with his deployment over and his returning stateside just days away, his survival instincts had kicked in harder than before. He couldn’t shake the feeling that if he didn’t tread lightly these last few days, something would happen.Keeping his eyes peeled on the vehicle in front of him, he squinted when a flash of light in the distance lit up the cloudy sky. He braked hard when the truck 30 meters in front swerved suddenly and then flipped as an explosion blinded him for a moment. He sat stunned as he took in the destruction. The mangled heap that had once been a military transport now lay smoldering with the bodies of injured soldiers lying on the ground.Shane gunned the engine and drove the armored ambulance in front of the men to protect them from further harm. Then he and his men bailed out to help retrieve the injured.Not about to allow Sloan to exit the vehicle while they were under attack, he growled, “Ready the IV’s while we Evac the injured,” as she sat wide-eyed and scared in the front seat and then took off.One by one they assessed who could be saved and whom they’d already lost, then carried them back to the ambulance. Their mobile Medivac could handle a triage of six, but Shane wasn’t leaving without their fallen brothers, so he ordered his men to retrieve those who had died as well. They’d made it thirty feet when the thunder of an IED shook the earth. Shane shouted for his men to drop to the dirt, then he covered his own head and kissed his ass goodbye while the seconds passed. The explosion that followed knocked him senseless, spewing shrapnel into the air. Hot metal burned his arms and face as fragments rained down on them. He could hear his men shouting as the dust cleared, and then bit by agonizing bit, he turned his eyes towards the explosion that had rocked the earth. The heat from the fire scorched his eyes, but he couldn’t look away. The RG 33, along with Sloan and the rest of the injured, was obliterated.
*** The air was crisp the day Private Emma Jane Sloan came home to Alaska for the last time. Shane had stayed with her the entire trip, escorting her back to her home. Her family was waiting on the tarmac when the plane touched down; he knew them immediately. The shock of red hair and clear blue eyes told him exactly who her mother was.From the window, he watched in solemn silence as her mother placed her hand on her daughter’s coffin and wept. Shane turned his head, unable to watch when she broke down, her legs giving out as her wails of heartbreak bounced around the plane’s fuselage. It was a sight he wouldn’t forget as long as he lived; a sight he knew was his fault.He should have ordered Sloan to stay on base. She’d had no business in Afghanistan and he knew it. He should have pressed his superiors about transferring her, but he hadn’t. She’d been determined to pull her weight and become a valuable soldier in the Army, so he’d kept an eye on her instead of listening to his inner voice that said transfer her to a desk job.Her death was on him and no one else.Shane deplaned as the honor guard readied themselves to escort Private Sloan to the back of a hearse. As he made his way down the steps, dark auburn hair, the color of rich mahogany, caught his attention. Dressed in a black wrap dress and standing behind Sloan’s mother was a petite woman with devastated green eyes. When he made it to the bottom step, the woman turned her anguished face his direction and their eyes locked and held. A burn deep in his gut began to eat its way up his chest, constricting his heart, as those eyes seemed to burrow into his soul, piercing his heart. Then her eyes softened as if she could read his tortured soul and her bottom lip trembled.He recognized her immediately; she was Private Sloan’s older sister. Sloan had shown Shane her picture once and spoken briefly about the woman who was nine years her senior. She’d told him with pride that she was a court appointed child advocate who counseled, and then evaluated custody for children who were under Child-Protective Services' care.Having those light-green eyes turned his direction, with something akin to sorrow for him, reminded Shane that when he’d seen her picture he’d thought she was sexy as hell. The kind of sexy that told a man she’d get off on being on her knees while his hand guided her mouth, but wouldn’t take shit from him either. The kinda sexy that said she’d partner with him in life, bear his kids gladly, and do it all while warming his bed with enthusiasm. The kind of woman he’d wanted to find when he came home after ten years in the military. But that was then, and this was now. Everything had changed. What dreams he may have had were at a standstill. He knew he couldn’t move forward with his life until he conquered his demons and learned to live with the guilt.Shane peeled his eyes from hers and then stopped and stood with the other officers. When it was time to load the casket into the hearse, Shane sharply raised his hand in salute to the girl who had been more kid sister than a soldier to him. As he stood there, he remembered Sloan’s blue eyes smiling and her face lit up with laughter as her flag covered coffin slipped silently into the back. He could hear her voice saying, “Sir,” as the doors slammed shut and his hands shook at the memory. He tried to gain control of his tattered emotions as sweat ran down his back even though the weather was cool.He was hanging on by a thread and he knew it.Once loaded, Sloan’s mother and sister turned towards the line of officers. What they did next, almost took Shane to his knees. Both women shored up their backbone in the face of Sloan’s death and presented a united front to Shane and the other officers; saluting back to the officers for their fallen daughter and sister.Jesus.
Shane squeezed his eyes shut to block out the sight. When he opened them again, he met soft, pale-green eyes. Eyes the held sorrow and understanding. Eyes that told him she would forgive him for her sister’s death, even if he couldn’t forgive himself. And when those same eyes started moving towards him, their intent clear, Shane instantly broke from their pull and stepped back from the formation, then turned and headed for the airport and a bottle of whiskey.
Twelve months earlier . . . “Sergeant Sherman?”Sergeant Shane Sherman looked up from the report he’d been filling out and gave Private Emma Jane Sloan his full attention.“Yeah, Sloan?”“Sorry to bother you, Sir, but is it true you’re heading stateside next week?”“That’s correct. Back to civvies for me, Private.”Private Sloan, a kid barely out of high school, had stuck close to Shane from the moment she found out he was from her home state of Alaska. She’d lost her stepfather in high school and couldn’t afford college, so she’d signed up for the G.I. bill hoping to study to be a nurse. She was freckled faced with bright red hair and blue eyes as clear as the sky, but she was too young, in his opinion, to be in this war. She was unprepared for the death and destruction at such a young age. Because of this, Shane had worried she couldn’t hack it in Afghanistan and, against protocol, had kept a close eye on her. “It won’t be the same without you here, Sir,” she mumbled quietly, but Shane could see the fear in her eyes. Laying his pen down, he stood from his desk in the infirmary and looked down on her. She stood erect, at attention, just as she had been trained to do, yet it seemed unnatural for someone so young. The civilian in Shane wanted to reach out to the frightened girl, but military regulations forbid fraternization with subordinates.“You’ll be fine,” he responded, hoping like hell that he was right, “Stay alert and keep close to Sergeant McElroy.”Tears pooled in her eyes, but she took a deep breath and held them back. Seeing that, Shane had to bite his lip to keep from wrapping her in a brotherly hug.Jesus, she should be back home on a date not tending to the wounded.“Will you write?” she asked with hopefulness in her big blue eyes. “I mean will you keep in touch with the unit?”“You bet. I’ll send the whole unit pictures of the bears we have back home.”Private Sloan smiled, then dipped her head, shoring up the nerve to ask him something.“Um, I was wondering, when I come home do you think I could, ah, come up and visit you?” she finally asked, her crush on him shining in her eyes.Shane took a deep breath before he spoke; he didn’t want to lead her on. He was twelve years her senior and didn’t see her as a woman; he saw her like a kid sister. Most men would have seen the offer in her eyes and jumped at the chance to sleep with an attractive young woman, but Shane wasn’t most men. War had changed him. He’d intended to be career military, but after ten years in the Army, he’d seen the senseless killing first hand and now couldn’t wait to return to Trails End and settle down with a woman. He would find someone soft and warm, but with a backbone, and get on with his life. No more sand, blood, or death for him. He’d build that cabin he always dreamed of, finish medical school, and then raise a brood of kids.“My door’s always open to a former soldier. If you need me for anything you only have to ask,” he replied, hoping she understood that she would always be a friend, but nothing more.He saw her smile falter slightly, but she recovered quickly nodding her head.“Thank you, Sir,” she answered, then stepped back, saluted him, and waited for him to return the respect given. Just as Shane raised his own salute, an explosion could be heard in the distance. The popping sound of M240’s reverberated in the smoldering heat and Shane turned on his heel and hit the ground running out of the triage tent with Private Sloan following.Barking out orders as he went, his team began loading into the RG 33 armored ground ambulance, ready to assist with the injured. Shane headed for the driver’s seat, then searched the melee for Private Sloan. He found her wrestling with supplies and ordered her to ride shotgun. Whenever they assisted ground forces under attack, he kept her close. She was the youngest of his unit and the most inexperienced. She’d joined the military to get an education not to die at the age of nineteen, and he intended to keep her that way.Shane threw the armored vehicle into drive and took off behind a support platoon heading for the action. He could see mortar fire in the distance, and his heart rate sped up. The damage 81 mm ammo could do to a body turned his blood cold, and he took a deep breath for what was to come.He’d seen enough death and devastation to last two lifetimes and each time they were called to duty, he wondered if this would be the time his luck would run out. And with his deployment over and his returning stateside just days away, his survival instincts had kicked in harder than before. He couldn’t shake the feeling that if he didn’t tread lightly these last few days, something would happen.Keeping his eyes peeled on the vehicle in front of him, he squinted when a flash of light in the distance lit up the cloudy sky. He braked hard when the truck 30 meters in front swerved suddenly and then flipped as an explosion blinded him for a moment. He sat stunned as he took in the destruction. The mangled heap that had once been a military transport now lay smoldering with the bodies of injured soldiers lying on the ground.Shane gunned the engine and drove the armored ambulance in front of the men to protect them from further harm. Then he and his men bailed out to help retrieve the injured.Not about to allow Sloan to exit the vehicle while they were under attack, he growled, “Ready the IV’s while we Evac the injured,” as she sat wide-eyed and scared in the front seat and then took off.One by one they assessed who could be saved and whom they’d already lost, then carried them back to the ambulance. Their mobile Medivac could handle a triage of six, but Shane wasn’t leaving without their fallen brothers, so he ordered his men to retrieve those who had died as well. They’d made it thirty feet when the thunder of an IED shook the earth. Shane shouted for his men to drop to the dirt, then he covered his own head and kissed his ass goodbye while the seconds passed. The explosion that followed knocked him senseless, spewing shrapnel into the air. Hot metal burned his arms and face as fragments rained down on them. He could hear his men shouting as the dust cleared, and then bit by agonizing bit, he turned his eyes towards the explosion that had rocked the earth. The heat from the fire scorched his eyes, but he couldn’t look away. The RG 33, along with Sloan and the rest of the injured, was obliterated.
*** The air was crisp the day Private Emma Jane Sloan came home to Alaska for the last time. Shane had stayed with her the entire trip, escorting her back to her home. Her family was waiting on the tarmac when the plane touched down; he knew them immediately. The shock of red hair and clear blue eyes told him exactly who her mother was.From the window, he watched in solemn silence as her mother placed her hand on her daughter’s coffin and wept. Shane turned his head, unable to watch when she broke down, her legs giving out as her wails of heartbreak bounced around the plane’s fuselage. It was a sight he wouldn’t forget as long as he lived; a sight he knew was his fault.He should have ordered Sloan to stay on base. She’d had no business in Afghanistan and he knew it. He should have pressed his superiors about transferring her, but he hadn’t. She’d been determined to pull her weight and become a valuable soldier in the Army, so he’d kept an eye on her instead of listening to his inner voice that said transfer her to a desk job.Her death was on him and no one else.Shane deplaned as the honor guard readied themselves to escort Private Sloan to the back of a hearse. As he made his way down the steps, dark auburn hair, the color of rich mahogany, caught his attention. Dressed in a black wrap dress and standing behind Sloan’s mother was a petite woman with devastated green eyes. When he made it to the bottom step, the woman turned her anguished face his direction and their eyes locked and held. A burn deep in his gut began to eat its way up his chest, constricting his heart, as those eyes seemed to burrow into his soul, piercing his heart. Then her eyes softened as if she could read his tortured soul and her bottom lip trembled.He recognized her immediately; she was Private Sloan’s older sister. Sloan had shown Shane her picture once and spoken briefly about the woman who was nine years her senior. She’d told him with pride that she was a court appointed child advocate who counseled, and then evaluated custody for children who were under Child-Protective Services' care.Having those light-green eyes turned his direction, with something akin to sorrow for him, reminded Shane that when he’d seen her picture he’d thought she was sexy as hell. The kind of sexy that told a man she’d get off on being on her knees while his hand guided her mouth, but wouldn’t take shit from him either. The kinda sexy that said she’d partner with him in life, bear his kids gladly, and do it all while warming his bed with enthusiasm. The kind of woman he’d wanted to find when he came home after ten years in the military. But that was then, and this was now. Everything had changed. What dreams he may have had were at a standstill. He knew he couldn’t move forward with his life until he conquered his demons and learned to live with the guilt.Shane peeled his eyes from hers and then stopped and stood with the other officers. When it was time to load the casket into the hearse, Shane sharply raised his hand in salute to the girl who had been more kid sister than a soldier to him. As he stood there, he remembered Sloan’s blue eyes smiling and her face lit up with laughter as her flag covered coffin slipped silently into the back. He could hear her voice saying, “Sir,” as the doors slammed shut and his hands shook at the memory. He tried to gain control of his tattered emotions as sweat ran down his back even though the weather was cool.He was hanging on by a thread and he knew it.Once loaded, Sloan’s mother and sister turned towards the line of officers. What they did next, almost took Shane to his knees. Both women shored up their backbone in the face of Sloan’s death and presented a united front to Shane and the other officers; saluting back to the officers for their fallen daughter and sister.Jesus.
Shane squeezed his eyes shut to block out the sight. When he opened them again, he met soft, pale-green eyes. Eyes the held sorrow and understanding. Eyes that told him she would forgive him for her sister’s death, even if he couldn’t forgive himself. And when those same eyes started moving towards him, their intent clear, Shane instantly broke from their pull and stepped back from the formation, then turned and headed for the airport and a bottle of whiskey.
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