Eye Contact—Advantages and Disadvantages
Have you ever noticed that making eye contact with someone invites conversation? When you want to speak with someone, you “catch their eye.” When you want to avoid speaking, you look anywhere BUT at their eyes.
A few of examples:
I attend “silent” religious retreats from time to time and find that all retreatants tend to look anywhere but AT other retreatants. It’s just too hard to resist talking once you see someone’s eyes, followed by a smile, followed by . . . oh, that’s right we are not supposed to talk! Especially at meals! We all keep clinking our forks and spoons, staring at the table cloth. At one such retreat, one woman noticed that there was a mother bird feeding her babies in a nest right outside the dining room window. In pantomime, she waved, pointed, waved, pointed. Everyone rushed over to the window to see the sight. But not a word was spoken—that time.
When I’m selling my books at a festival or similar event, I try VERY HARD to catch someone’s eye so I can smile, say, “Hi, how are you today,” and hope they reply so I can invite them to my table to look at my books. People who don’t want to be bothered look ANYWHERE but at me. They look at the floor, look the other way . . . I laugh to myself and tell them to have a nice day. A simple, “No thank you,” would have done the job.
But I catch myself staring intently at the traffic light when there is a person on the corner with a sign, hoping for a handout and I have nothing to give.
How about you? When do you wish people would look toward you? When do you avoid eye contact for any reason?