But first a Honey story…Trust me. It’s relevant. >.

So…Honey stands in front of me last night and says, “What do you think?”

Naturally I reply, “I think it needs more salt.” *Leans in to whisper to you* I was cooking and the vegetables did need more and being that he was right in the way, what else was I going to say, right?

He shakes his head. “No, I meant about me.”

Hm, okay. I stopped what I was doing and gave him the once over. “I don’t see anything different. Did you get a new haircut?”

“No, I’m taking protein supplements.”

Me, blink, blink. “You are? Right now?” *insert me looking around here* Then, “I don’t see them.”

“I make a shake every morning. I’m going to be ripped in no time.”

Okay, seriously? *Imagine me wandering right to where you are here, but I’m staggering a little because I’m stunned with disbelief over his arrogance.* Every morning? I was only gone two mornings and now he’s a health nut swilling back the magic Elixir that’s going to turn him into Joe Manganiello? *Imagine me sobering up enough to march back to him*

“So, that’s how it’s going to be, eh?”

He nods. “Afraid so. It will only be a matter of days I’ll be God-like.”

Days? “You don’t say.”

He looks right at me. “I do say. Three days tops and I’ll be walking on water.”

I wanted to laugh so badly. He’s can be such an ass when he wants to be. But I kept it together until he asked, “That won’t bother you, will it?”

At that point I had to laugh because I got this really great visual of him walking on water with a flowing white robe on and a basket in his hand. “Not. At. All. Listen, JC – can I call you that? Whilst you’re walking the liquid rim, could you catch a salmon and do the multiplying trick with it? It would save me time and whole bunch of money when we have our company over for dinner on Friday. Oh, and if you could scrounge up some wine,” I eyed him from head to toe and back again, “from some sacred place, that would be appreciated too. Now, could you please move your God-like self out of my way so I can get the salt.”

“Sure.” He didn’t miss a beat. “I’ll get what you need for Friday. What kind of wine? Red or white? And what kind of salmon? Alaskan?”

“I’ll leave that up to you divine one. Surprise me.”

When he agreed too quickly I got that bad feeling I usually got when he was going to do something man-like. I finished with the salt and spun around. “But hey, no buying whatever’s on sale. Swear to me you won’t do that again.” *Looks right at you* Some surprises in our house are literally hard to swallow. I send him to the store for fillets and he comes home with mystery meat that has so many adjectives I fall asleep reading the list of them on the label! Bone-in, rib cap off, center, butt, tender, blah, garbage, blah, rip off, blah, meat.

He freaking shrugged. Shrugged! And then he says, “Even God likes a bargain occasionally.”

Translation? I’ll be cooking tilapia and serving bottled beer.

Hell no!

When I told him this, do you know what he said?

“Amen to that, sister.”

Tosses white flag and contemplates making reservations for all of us. #$@#@!

So…what does this have to do with PERSUADED making the Bestseller lists in two countries? Simple. The joy I’ve experienced over it has persuaded me not to bop him one with the crappy fish he’s sure to bring home to me on Friday. Can’t make the same promise about the beer unless I finally hit the top seller’s list in the UK.