LEE HARVEY OSWALD altered the course of history with an antiquated, junk-wagon Italian WWII surplus firearm -- a pretty inconsequential specimen compared with today's high-powered, semi-automatic variety. Oswald purchased the rifle via mail order from a sporting goods store in Chicago, after spotting an ad in "American Rifleman" -- a two-bit rag published by the NRA. There it was alongside the Charles Atlas "Dynamic Tension" course, and the secret, how-to manual guaranteed to get any woman into the sack. A genuine Mannlicher-Carcano bolt-action rifle, model 91/38. Price $19.50 (postage included). No background check required. The rest, as they say, is ... well ...

Background checks are an inconvenience; an affront to the all-sacred 2nd Amendment -- and hey, how many lives do they really save anyhow? If they save just ONE life: mine; yours; your kid's -- then they're worth the trouble an inconvenience. I like my ass without the bullet holes, thanks ... how 'bout you? No one will ever completely solve the problem of gun violence in this country. But given the grave and far-reaching consequences, it behooves us to do everything -- EVERYTHING -- in our power to ensure that one particular gun doesn't find its way into the hands of one particular maniac ... EVERYTHING! No measure taken in that cause is either too great ... or too small.