I used to think that striving for perfection was a laudable goal. In fact, it was my primary goal. Perfection in eating habits, in reading material, in writing–in life overall. I wanted to be this paragon of accomplishment; a person who's held up as an example of how to do it (whatever "it" might be).



Over the years, this quest (as one might expect) failed constantly and without prejudice. My reading wasn't perfect–I liked to read tons of genre fiction and little "literary". My TV watching: not perfect. Instead of high-brow PBS offerings (serious news debates, etc), I liked genre television (including some PBS shows such as Mystery! and Masterpiece Theatre). Another fail. My eating habits? As much as I like fresh fruit, veg, and many vegetarian options, I still love meat, poultry and fish. I couldn't do the vegetarian thing all the time, as much as I tried. More fail. Exercise? Fuggedaboutit. I can't run, nor climb stairs (bad knees, too much weight). I can't bicycle outside (Stupidly allergic to sun & most pollen). Another fail. The writing? OMG, total fail. I haven't become the overnight success that my buddy Charlaine Harris has*; nor Maggie Stiefvater nor am I the next Neil Gaiman. or Laurell K. Hamilton.

I know, I know. You're probably scratching your collective heads right about now wondering why I should get lost in my perceived failure–and you'd be right. It is perceived–and very much a result of this inbuilt need for an amorphous and undefined "perfection" that seems to have been somehow ingrained in me at a very young age. it is what causes me to feel like I've accomplished nothing of consequence when in reality, I have accomplished a lot. I've got 4 books in print, one more on its way. I've contributed essays and short stories to some excellent anthologies. I eat an overall healthy & balanced diet, including the occasional food group of chocolate (aka balm for the soul). i ride my exercise bike 6 days a week for 7-10 miles each session.



It was a blog post on Get Rich Slowly that finally clued me in. The post, entitled Underachievement and the All or Nothing Mindset was what finally pulled the perfection blinders off my eyes.THIS was me. If I couldn't do something to my own mind's version of perfect, in my brain, that meant i had failed and couldn't do it at all. I mean, I did know this intellectually, as a theory. But something in that blog post finally hit a button of "Oh, duh" in me.

So this year, 2011, as I continue with my theme of efficiency, I append the mantra of Abandoning Perfection and embracing success–no matter how small or insignificant it might seem to me at the time. Every little positive step counts. Every achievement. So I haven't hit the New York Times Bestseller list. It could still happen. Even if it doesn't, that doesn't mean I'm a failure as an author. It only means that I haven't hit that list. I won't get a Nobel Prize either–and I've always understood that.

I will abandon my need to tweak until it's past done when I'm writing something. Letting go is a good thing. Trusting my writer's instincts: also good. Yes, I will revise & edit, but I will let myself understand when enough is enough.

I will rejoice in my healthy living, even though I'm consistently losing weight. I know I eat right & I exercise well past recommended minimums, so no matter what the scale says, I'm damned healthy and feel great.

I will continue to wallow in my enjoyment of television & movies & reading what I like. I don't have guilty pleasures in these things, they are pleasures, pure & simple.

If I don't ever get another book contract, well, it is what it is.** I love writing, and will write what I love.

Most of all, I will quit worrying about what hasn't happened, but will live more in the "now" — relishing what has. Basking in the glow of what is good.

Will this be tough? Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm 52 years old. It's very hard to let go of an entire life's worth of thought patterns, but recognizing it is the first step. The road to achieving new goals is never straight and smooth, but will have bumps and detours along the way. I plan to enjoy every last one of them…and if I find myself slipping back into old habits, I'll keep going back to this post and to the one that started this and re-read them.

Wishing you all a great weekend!

* Charlaine's "overnight success" happened after 15+ years of writing, 2 book series and pure refusal to give up. I met her when she was shopping out the Sookie series. No one wanted to buy the book. Now look at what's happened!

** Yeah, I'm a bit worried about the contract thing, but my agent isn't. So I am doing what I can to let him do his job and not fret.