Rolling Stone magazine reports that a group of U.S. senators, including Al Franken and John McCain, were victims of an attempted "brainwashing" by a special U.S. Army "Psy-Ops" unit during a visit to Afghanistan. An unnamed source informed the magazine that Franken was hypnotized into believing he was a chicken; while several others were forced to perform show tunes from the musical, "Guys and Dolls."

The senators have suffered no permanent effects as a result of the incident -- although Franken is plagued by an uncontrollable urge to sit on his breakfast, and McCain -- still convinced he's Oleg Cassini -- is on a fabric buying excursion in Milan.