Ivy K asked Meredith Russo:

I find your book to be exceptionally well-written. I'm trans myself and reading this book was a very emotional experience for me. It's very powerful, with a lot of joy but also at times, challenging. How would you respond to readers who say they were often sad or depressed for not being as beautiful/young/etc as Amanda?

Meredith Russo I've thought about this a lot, and there was an experience I'll relate to you that was pretty revelatory in my development on the subject. I have never passed particularly well, thanks mostly to a strong jaw and masculine features I inherited, funnily enough, from my paternal grandfather (there is a conversation to be had about how rarely cis people pass successfully, but alas, another time). And, for a long time, especially when I felt differently about surgery, I was intensely resentful of trans girls who transitioned earlier than me, of trans girls with the money for FFS or SRS, and of all trans men in general since they seemed to pass so much easier. I was also, and I'm ashamed to admit this, judgmental of trans women who (I felt) didn't pass as well as me and yet seemed happier than me. In my head they lacked self awareness, they were hurting the cause, they were making us like fools. I, of course, was an ass, but these feelings came from a place of pain and I never bullied anyone so it's easy to forgive myself.

This all changed about a year into my transition, when I was browsing a trans board on Reddit where people post before/after and transition results photos of themselves (a word of advice: don't do this if you're early in transition, it only reinforces your most negative impulses). I came across a 19 year old girl who, in her thread's description, said she'd been on HRT for about four years, and from her thumbnail she looked gorgeous and I could already feel myself getting bitter. But then I opened the thread and saw (she was wearing underwear) that, despite her beauty, and she was traditionally beautiful, she was covered in self harm scars along her arms, thighs, and stomach. She had so much, everything I'd ever thought I wanted but couldn't have, and yet from that visual evidence and her responses in the thread it was clear she was suffering worse than I had except in my lowest points, and then only for short bursts of time.

It's important to remember, when comparing yourself to other trans people, that we're all in the same boat. Even women like Janet Mock, who are gorgeous, intelligent, successful, and pass perfectly, can only escape so much of the social difficulties of being transgender. Or, to put it another way: no amount of passing or surgery will stop people like Piers Morgan from treating you like trash or take away the problems of misogyny fundamental to women of all kinds. The only cure for these problems is solidarity with other people like you, which involves as a matter of course getting over jealousy and toxic comparisons of circumstances*.

*Though, as a radical leftists, class, race, and disability issues influencing different trans people's lives still deserve constant, honest interrogation.

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