Anne asked Ruth Wariner:

Hi Ruth - I just reread your memoir (I originally read it in January); I found it incredibly compelling and well-written. How were you ultimately able to forgive your mother, when she repeatedly put her own unhealthy emotional needs above the needs of you and your siblings?

Ruth Wariner Hi Anne,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my memoir twice! :) Forgiving my mom has been a process for me, one that started with the understanding that forgiveness isn't excusing or rationalizing her behavior. It was more of an acceptance of who she was as I remember her - an incredibly kind and loving person who didn't have a lot of self love or a healthy sense of self esteem. We all make choices and live our lives according to our own self perceptions. As I matured, I realized my mom had chosen a man and a belief system that validated what she believed about herself, that she didn't deserve better, which is heartbreaking. I also didn't want my anger to destroy my life, and so I had to let it go. Prayer and therapy have both been instrumental in my ability to do that. I'm still recovering and letting my past go. My mom was so much more than her poor choices and her unhealthy emotions. She loved me, and I'm a much stronger and kinder person because of what she did right.
Thank You,
Ruth

flag