Support for Indie Authors discussion

Hi folks,

I'm a first time author and I've never written a blurb before. I've got a couple of possible directions to go with my blurb and I would love some feedback.

My book is a YA comedic romance. It's sort of like Twilight, but with feminism and zombies. Here are some options for my blurb:

Option 1 - standard character summary with basic plot points:

Stella Blunt's world is ending. Her parents have dragged her across the country, and now she has to settle in to a new school and make new friends. Unfortunately, Stella doesn't make friends easily. She's large, she's loud, and she doesn't suffer fools gladly.
On top of all of this, there's a creepy boy who stares at her in Chemistry class. He definitely has a crush on her. He might also be a legitimate zombie. In fact, there might actually be a zombie outbreak.
Can Stella take on a new school, a new romance, AND handle a chainsaw?

Option 2 - focus on genre:

16 year old Stella Blunt has boy problems. Specifically, a problem with one boy. On the one hand, he's a good listener, good at science, has cute dimples, and he is head over heels in love with her. On the other hand, he
drinks brains out of a thermos and walks with a lurch. Oh, and now there's an outbreak of the zombie virus.
Can Stella take on first love AND a hundred zombies?

Option 3 - focus on target audience

16 year old Stella Blunt is large, foul-mouthed, and she keeps swearing at the cute boy who has a crush on her. It's a problem. And now there's zombies. And he might be one too.

If you hate purple prose and are bored of traditional romance tropes, and if you like feminism, and plus sized female characters who can do kung fu, creative swearing, and zombies, then you will love this book from debut author C. L. Lynch, who was tired of reading the same old crap and decided to write something different.

C. wrote: "Hi folks,

I'm a first time author and I've never written a blurb before. I've got a couple of possible directions to go with my blurb and I would love some feedback."

My vote (emphatically) goes to Option 3

John wrote: "C. wrote: "Hi folks,

I'm a first time author and I've never written a blurb before. I've got a couple of possible directions to go with my blurb and I would love some feedback."

My vote (emphatic..."

Wow, that's good to know! I thought it seemed unprofessional so no one would like it but I threw it in as an option because I know I have a lot of competition and I thought it might be good to tell people what makes my story different...

Well, I'm 66 years old, don't like teenagers or zombie movies but that blurb got me interested! (do like "quirky").

If the tone of the book is humorous, and if it doesn't take itself seriously at all, then I think you should go with the third option, but even more so. Kill it with crazy. (If the book is)

It is definitely meant to be comedic.

I mean, it has serious moments, it isn't pure just-for-laughs nonsense. It has a genuine plot, three dimensional (I mean, hopefully anyway) characters, and some real heart, but it doesn't take itself too seriously. My beta readers all gave feedback saying they found it very funny, but they were genuinely invested in the romance between Stella and her zombie boy. But I do think that if people are put off by swearing, or fat protagonists, then they would not like my book, so maybe it's good to warn those people off for something more traditional?

Oh, trust me. None of my blurbs are serious in the slightest, and I always try to get a pun in every paragraph at least, so I am all for it.

I understand it all too well, even funny books can have plots. :)

I have disclaimers in my blurbs! People don't always read them, I know this as a fact, but I think they are helpful!

@Miss C: First off, you've never written a blurb? Why you lie to me? Whyyy?? They are ALL pretty good, actually! Funny, succinct and with a healthy dose of oompf!! Well done!!

Personally, I dig the opening of 2 but the ending of 3 *smirks* Gotta keep ya on your toes...

Hugs,
Ann

I love option 2 and option 3... That's a hard choice.... Good job, though.

Okay, C, here are my impressions:

Option 1 - Awwe, how sweet... giggle.

Option 2 - Hmmm... interesting... yeah.

Option 3 - WOW!!! I'm with Annie on this one. That's quite a hook. : )

Sue

My choice goes to number two. I think it conveys very well the genre of the book, and its characters.

However, the 'norm' says you shouldn't start a sentence with numbers, so it should be Sixteen year old Stella Blunt...

Unlike the other, (sorry!) I don't really like option three. (And I think it should be 'There are zombies' and not 'There's zombies'.) Why not three? I am not too fond of the idea of calling other books, crap, because it would be easy to hurt a reader's feelings and end up with a bad review using your own words against you. But that's just me. I like playing safe.

I stopped reading Option 3 after the author name because I thought your bio followed.

Please know my comments are meant politely. I read the rest of the last sentence in Option 3. Being an aspiring author of a paranormal romance, the word "crap," made me think, "Ouch."

So I change my vote to Option 2. I like the humor, especially the last line. I also like the last line in Option 1 "... AND handle a chainsaw?"

I like option 3 -- with some tweaking. The last paragraph is a single, very complex sentence. Also, I think that "feminism" would be off-putting for many readers.

Option 3 every time.

Find a couple of teenagers and run it past them

C. wrote: "Hi folks,

I'm a first time author and I've never written a blurb before. I've got a couple of possible directions to go with my blurb and I would love some feedback.

My book is a YA comedic roma..."

Option 1 made me want to start reading this book now!

I agree with those of you who didn't like the end of option 3. It is mean, and I'm not proud of it. I was just trying to be edgy.

What if I combined two and three a bit? Something like this:

Sixteen year old Stella Blunt has problems. For one thing, she can't stop herself from swearing at the cute, geeky boy who has a crush on her. Now there's an outbreak of zombies, and it turns out that he might be one, too.

If you are tired of traditional romance tropes and purple prose, and if you like creative swearing, zombie romance, and plus sized heroines who can wield a chain saw, you'll love this novel by debut author C. L. Lynch, who thinks zombies deserve love, too.

Dylan wrote: " I think that "feminism" would be off-putting for many readers."

That would probably be for the best, because if they don't like feminism, they will not like my book. Target audience = feminist.

You got my vote on the last one. :)

C. - I like the "creative swearing" and "can wield a chain saw." Tee hee.

Also, how is my tag line: "How many boys can literally offer a girl their heart?"

Updated my copy a bit. Current version reads:

Sixteen year old Stella Blunt has problems.

She's trying to make friends at her new school, but she's much better at making enemies. The only person who seems to like her is the cute but socially awkward boy who sits next to her in Chemistry class. They might get along if she could just stop herself from swearing at him.

Now there's zombies, and it turns out that he might be one of them.

If you're tired of traditional tropes and purple prose, and if you like creative swearing, zombie romance, and plus-sized heroines who can wield a chain saw, you'll love this novel by C. L. Lynch, who thinks zombies deserve love, too.

I liked this part from the second option, and think it would be sad to not have it in this last part you wrote: 'he's a good listener, good at science, has cute dimples, and he is head over heels in love with her. On the other hand, he drinks brains out of a thermos and walks with a lurch'.

Otherwise, I would definitely want to read this book. Sounds fun and cute and awesome at the same time. :-)

I liked that part too but I thought maybe that was me being the doting author. Thanks for the feedback!

Hi folks, I have three more for you to look at. Feedback?

Option 1:
"It's sexy when someone thinks you're sexy. Even if he is a little weird.
Okay, a LOT weird."

Sixteen year old Stella Blunt has problems.

She's trying to make friends at her new school, but she's much better at making enemies. The only person who seems to like her is the cute geek who sits next to her in Chemistry class. They might get along if she could just stop herself from swearing at him.

Now there's zombies, and it turns out that he might be one of them.

If you're tired of traditional tropes and purple prose, and if you like creative swearing, zombie romance, and plus-sized heroines who can wield a chain saw, you'll love this novel by C. L. Lynch, who thinks zombies deserve love, too.

Option 2:

“I’m not moving to a whole new school! I’ll be eaten alive!”

Stella Blunt's world is ending.

It took practically her entire life to finally fit in at school, and now she has to start all over again. To make things worse, only one person in her new school seems to like her, and he drinks brains from a thermos and walks with a lurch.

Can Stella overcome a lifetime of hurt and take a risk on love? And can she do it while wielding a chain saw?

Option 3:

“I'm blaming that on rigour mortis. Comes from being half dead.” Then he gave me a shy grin. “But with you, I'm half alive.”

Stella never thought first love could be like this. It's bad enough that everyone in her new school hates her. Only one person seems to like her, and she can't help but like him back.He's sweet. He's shy. He's smart. He's also a half-zombie, which she didn't even know was a thing.

Now there are full zombies around, too, and for some reason they're all coming her way.

Can Stella take a chance on love, and can she do it while wielding a chainsaw?

My two penny's worth:
I like Option 3 the best, though they're all funny. The first is a tad too long.
In 2 I like 'he drinks brains from a thermos'.
If you could use that line in 3 'Only one person seems to like her and he drinks brains from a thermos. He's also a half-zombie, which she didn't even know was a thing.' -it'd be perfect

I like option two. No analytical reason. It just wets my appetite

Thanks, folks! I think I'm going to try to cobble together one blurb from the bits people seem to like best...

I love the last line of Option 1, the description of the boy in Option 2, and the concluding paragraph of Option 3. I didn't connect as well with your second set of options. I think you're telling more than you need to in them which dilutes the effect.

Winifred, your line picks are very similar to what others have been saying, and my cousin who was visiting yesterday went through all the options and underlined those exact same parts, so I think you've distilled it nicely!

So here is my frankenstein version based on that feedback and my cousin's feedback (thank you so much guys for your patience and continued responses!):

"I'm not moving to a whole new school! I'll be eaten alive!"

Stella Blunt's world is ending. Her parents have dragged her acrouss the country, and now she has to settle in to a new school and make friends. Unfortunately, Stella doesn't make friends easily. She's large, she's loud, and she doesn't suffer fools gladly. In fact, the only person who seems to like her is the boy who sits next to her in Chemistry class. He's a good listener, good at science, has cute dimples, and he is head over heels in love with her. On the other hand, he
drinks brains out of a thermos and walks with a lurch.

Oh, and now there's an outbreak of the zombie virus.

Can Stella take on a new school, a new romance, and handle a chainsaw?

If you're tired of traditional tropes and purple prose, and if you like creative swearing and plus sized heroines who do kung fu, you'll love this debut novel by C.L. Lynch, who thinks zombies deserve love too.

I think you've done a great job, but I think you could cut "world is ending." I'm not sure what that adds, and really, her world isn't ending. Just "Stella Blunt's parents have dragger her . . ." would do. Sounds like a fun read!

I like option 1 best! I would read that book!

oh I should have read the whole thread! Your Frankenstein blurb is great! Now it gets my vote! lol

Winifred - thanks! I put the world ending bit in because it's one of the first lines of the book, that she feels like the world is ending when she finds out that she has to move, and I parallel it to the actual end of the world when the zombie outbreak happens. But maybe it isn't really necessary.

Emnoir - thanks!