SCPL Online NonFiction Book Club discussion

Although Paul doesn’t know exactly how much time he has left, his terminal diagnosis means that his decisions require a greater sense of urgency. One such decision is whether or not he and his wife, Lucy, should have a child. They both feel that having a child would add yet another dimension to creating a meaningful life, and in the end, they move forward with the decision.

What did you think of their decision to have a child, knowing that Paul was so ill? When Lucy asks him if having a child would make his death harder/more painful, Paul says, “Wouldn’t it be great if it did?” How do you feel about that sentiment? Would you agree that creating meaning is more important than avoiding suffering in life?

Just as an aside I know there has not been a lot of contributions to this discussion which has surprised me considering the book was a pretty easy read, if not a particularly happy one. The questions have really helped me to consider the book and the contents more deeply though so I just wanted to say thank you!
Back to the question. I thought Paul’s response to Lucy about having a child making his death harder/more painful was incredibly poignant. I think “meaning” in life means different things to different people and I think that in Paul and Lucy’s case (although specifically Lucy in some ways) having a child was a brave decision. Paul knew he was dying. That has to be hard no matter what. Having a child brought him some joy and allowed him to participate in that experience even if he knew he wouldn’t be around to see his daughter grow up. For Lucy I think it was brave because she knew she would be raising the child alone but at least it’s a little part of Paul that still exists. Paul was going to suffer no matter what. I think that adding a bit more meaning to his life was a good way to cope.

Thank you so much Heidi, your kind words really made my day! I know this may be a difficult book for some, given the somber subject, but it is so wonderful to hear that these questions are resonating with you and adding another dimension to your experience with the book!

Meaning definitely has different connotations for different people. For example, many people choose not to have children, and I would never assume that their lives might be somehow "less" meaningful than someone who does have children. But you're right, I can't even imagine how hard it would be to welcome a child to the world knowing you wouldn't be there to watch that child grow up. But I also can't imagine how hard it would be to let that opportunity pass by if having children is something you've always dreamed of. It's such a difficult choice.

But I like that you emphasized Lucy's bravery when it comes to this choice. Ultimately, I think she was the one who would have to decide, because she would be doing most of the child-rearing without Paul. It is very poignant indeed!