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I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this, but I was hoping for some feedback on the blurb for my (first!) novel, Tragedy of a Setting Sun. Thanks everybody in advance, I really appreciate it!

The only life Sebastian has ever known is within the confines of “The World of the Grotesque,” a travelling carnival and freak show. The motley cast and his single mother are the only family he has ever known, and for eleven years he has been quite content. That is, until a beautiful young girl lures him away from the carnival. Through her, Sebastian enters under the tutelage of an eccentric chemist who may hold secrets about the father he never knew. When the untimely arrival of a determined inspector drives the three friends back to the carnival, Sebastian must choose between his new friends and his old family, all while a mysterious and brutal killer begins targeting members of the carnival.

Without having read the book, I don't even know if this bears any resemblance to the story. That said, perhaps it will help tighten up the blurb in one way or another.

For as long as he could remember, Sebastian’s life centered on a travelling carnival and freak show, “The World of the Grotesque.” Here, together with his mother and the show’s motley cast, he had lived contently for eleven years . . . contently, that is, until a beautiful young woman lures him away. Through her, he meets a man with knowledge of his father’s past—the father he had never known. When a brutal killer begins targeting members of the carnival, Sebastian finds himself caught in a battle for his life between his old ‘family’ and his new friends.

Theodore wrote: "Without having read the book, I don't even know if this bears any resemblance to the story. That said, perhaps it will help tighten up the blurb in one way or another.

For as long as he could reme..."

Wow, this is great. However, if the story is a Children's book or YA and the girl and the hero are between the ages of 11-13 then I'd change the "young woman" to just "girl".

Theodore your version really pulled that together awesomely. I would def give it a read.

It never crossed my mind that it might be a YA novel. Good point. I'd also remove the quote marks around the name of the show, as I think about it. They're not necessary.

It will be interesting to see what the author says.

I really liked the beginning and was very interested in the story but then the plot began to sound too complicated. The killer seemed tacked on, given how much was already going on. Maybe pare down the info... don't tell us the whole plot. Just give us the first big character decision and then hint at what is come.

A fantastic adjustment Theodore, thank you very much!
My genre is more of a dark fiction/modern gothic. Although I wouldn't say it is or isn't YA (because honestly I have no idea where the lines for that genre are...).

It is a little tacked on, C.L., but I'm not sure how to avoid that. Not only is it a prominent aspect of the novel, but I feel like the killer provides one of the bigger "hooks" of the blurb.

I tend to think of YA as bridging the years 13-17, plus or minus. I've had readers as young as 11 tell me they loved my YA mystery/thriller, The Hypnotist (written under the pen name Alyssa Devine). Many adults enjoyed the story, as well. There are no fixed boundaries, given the many variables involved.