Support for Indie Authors discussion

I know this could be a touchy subject for some, but I feel there's not enough light being shed on the plight of these victims. And it does go on in this country. I'm really just looking for a little feedback on whether or not this opening chapter would make you want to read the book, but other thoughts are welcome.

1
Rob

I stood amidst the grave markers, silent, as tears streamed down my cheeks. Through blurred vision I read and reread the words etched into the marble. My baby, my little angel, Emma Kate, had been gone from us nearly five years, and the hurt was still as fresh as it had been the day she disappeared.

For four years my wife and I, as well as our family and friends, had searched diligently for her. Though all our efforts were in vain. It was now one year to the day that we had finally gotten to lay our baby to rest and the ache in my chest had not dimmed in the slightest. Then there were the days it seemed even worse.

Initially, the police suggested she was a runaway, as there was no evidence to say otherwise, and did much of nothing for the first year. She had last been seen with a man a few of her so-called friends said was an older boyfriend.

We had never heard of such a boy, and discounted the information. Until we found her diary hidden in the closet floor of her bedroom. Her handwritten words filled page after page. She gushed continually over a boy she referred to only as Tony. The most shocking knowledge she imparted in the pages, was that he was twenty years old. At the time of her disappearance, my little girl was only twelve.

What kind of sick, twisted mind went after a twelve-year-old girl? What was he seeking? Why had he picked Emma? Many, many questions were left unanswered.

Also found in the secret compartment in the floor were several expensive pieces of jewelry and, to my disgust, dainty under clothes that even my wife had never seen.

The one ray of hope that was uncovered was a picture inscribed with Tony’s name. It was a small lead, but a lead non-the-less. Then the Vice detectives jumped into the case.

Another shock soon hit our family out of the blue. It was eventually determined that our baby had been the victim of a sex trafficking operation. Vice had been tracking a few gangs for some time who were purported to be peddlers of flesh. Which they informed us was not an easy job, as the members of those gangs disappeared from Foley for extended periods of time.

Apparently, the gangs followed a pattern, or as it was often referred to, a circuit. They moved from city to city, collecting victims and either selling them outright to the highest bidder, or addicting them to powerful drugs and forcing them into prostitution.

The detective in charge of our case got us in contact with an organization called Hope Abounds; a non-profit dedicated to helping victims and families of sex trafficking. Their main goal was to rescue as many women and children as possible and get them out of the sex trade. Then came the rehabilitation; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Our contact in the organization was a woman named Debbie Woods. She herself had been a sex trafficking victim, so she saw it as her calling to help all those still enslaved.

We met on several occasions to discuss Emma and our case. We talked about Emma, about our home life, our financial struggles, and our near divorce. That information, along with the jewelry and clothing was a dead giveaway for Debbie to speculate on Emma’s induction into the sex trade. It went along with everything she knew about how the sex traffickers worked.

The recruiter, as Debbie called the guys who selected the victims, usually singled out the loners, runaways, the homeless or those who could easily be manipulated. Victims of abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, those with poor social skills, or a bad home life, were also easy targets. They showered them with attention and gifts when no one else would. And the recruiter usually picked someone several years their junior, to make the control easier.

In Debbie’s experience, it was nothing for a recruiter to spend several months working on a victim. The payoff was well worth it. Once there was a bond and trust, the recruiter could easily get the victim to acquiesce to any request. And if not, the threat of retaliation against the victim or the victim’s family could be employed for motivation.

My spirit got crushed as I learned more and more of what my little girl had gone through. I could not even imagine the depths of despair to which Emma had surely succumbed. The torture she must have endured. How frightened and lonely she must have felt.

Did she cry out for her daddy? Did she pray for me to come to her rescue? Only to be all alone? Left to fend for herself?

I chastised myself vehemently for not doing more to protect her and ensure that her mental, spiritual, and emotional needs were met on a consistent basis. There was so much I could have done, should have done, differently. I could have prevented everything. But I didn’t.

While Debbie never laid blame on the parents or families of the victims, it was easy for me to see how my role, or lack thereof, played a significant part in Emma’s captivity and eventual death.

How could I look in the mirror and not hate myself? How could I not blame the one person whose sole responsibility it was to protect and care for my little girl?

As I stood at her grave a slight rain began to fall. I didn’t care. What was a little discomfort for me, especially when compared to the pain my Emma had endured. The drops plastered my hair to my head, the wetness flooding my eyes to mix with my salty tears.

In that moment, I made myself and Emma a promise. A promise to seek out those responsible for her pain and pay it back; ten-fold, twenty-fold, a hundred-fold. No amount of suffering by her tormentors would be, could be, too great.

I would start with Tony.



Sorry for the long post, but thanks for the feedback.
Nathan

I think it's interesting. I also think peple close their eyes to trafficking unless they are personally affected.

I think it is true that this is an area of life that is largely ignored and I applaud anyone who takes it on.

I see that you are setting the scene for some vengeance and that is an intriguing concept, but I'm finding it a bit difficult to read.

I guess it is meant to be uncomfortable but if I was you I would think about stripping it back a bit. Currently it feels a bit laboured. I'll attempt one paragraph to show you what I mean.

Then we discovered that our baby had been the victim of a sex trafficking ring. A known gang of men, who preyed on on young girls tricking them into a life of prostitution..

Thank s for the input.

To take it down some maybe I could disseminate the information over several different chapters?

Nathan wrote: "Thank s for the input.

To take it down some maybe I could disseminate the information over several different chapters?"

You could do that or you could crank down the angst a bit if you can. Let people come to their own understanding of how awful your protagonist feels

My thoughts agree with the advice regarding info-dumping. if you intend to start at the real story of revenge for Tony's part, you might have a prequel of the daughter's story. Let us see her caught in a trap, hurting, waiting for her parents. How did the parents get through this long period? As a parent, I would have moved heaven and earth if possible to get my daughter and would already have taken up floorboards. Have you already written this background story. Try
Truckers in Mississippi have been involved in trying to aid victims of sex trafficking. I hope one day to interview and do a story on that topic.BUT I must finish WIP while marketing my memoir.
BTW, I would read this even though I do want the backstory.

I think it's well-written and a good hook.

Jack wrote: "I think it's well-written and a good hook."

Thanks

Dot wrote: "My thoughts agree with the advice regarding info-dumping. if you intend to start at the real story of revenge for Tony's part, you might have a prequel of the daughter's story. Let us see her caugh..."

I have started a side series for The Foley Chronicles called The Dark Side of Foley, with one WIP in rough draft, and I will probably do one for this book as well (they are coming out as short stories) so people can get background on my characters and learn why they do some of the things they do.