Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion

Thanks, Captain :)

Blindness is Bliss
or
Waking Up To You
by Lilian Moore

It seems that smoke is clearing from my mind

I don’t want to know what I will find

It’s clear enough that I haven’t ever known the truth

You want me to see the crazy, stupid things you do

Go away, my love, blindness is such bliss

Don’t do it, my love, I won’t remember this

My eyes won’t leave you as you laugh at me

My heart won’t stop till the music loses its beat

It's the waking up that hurts, not the love you feel

It's the waking up too late that's just surreal

And I can’t even try

To want to imagine why

Because I know now that I waited too long

And I know now that you’re never wrong

But I don’t know how to stop this friendship

It’s too much like something that somebody wished

Like I wished you would tell me why she’s so entrancing to you

Tell my why my feet won’t stop dancing with you

There’s no point in dreaming; After all

This isn’t my first wake-up call

Lillianmoore -- Lovely!! I love your line, Tell my why my feet won't stop dancing with you. Beautiful!

Here is my poetry submission for the topic: Wake up call. Feedback ALWAYS welcome!

Keep Trying by Melissa Andres

'Neath bright city lights
He was born and raised
Thought he'd never leave
So familiar was the craze.

But at his uncle's passing
He inherited a farm
He'd try out the country life
What could be the harm?

He bought a pair of overalls
And a big ol' floppy hat
Sporting a Farmer's Almanac
He thought he was "all that"!

He tried his hand at fishing
But lost his pole and bait
And quickly he decided
Lunch would have to wait.

He tried a vegetable garden
But John Deere wouldn't go
How could he get that green stuff
To prosper and to grow?

He tried to milk the dairy cow
But Bessie wouldn't give
He mumbled and he grumbled
Just how did farmers live?

He pitched hay at the horses
Like the Internet said to do
Country folk had lots of kids
He was too tired to pitch woo!

As he crawled into his bunk
On that very first night
Exhaustion overtook him
He had tried to do things right.

Before dawn softly breaking
Early the next morn
The rooster out in the yard
Crowed amongst the corn.

What the bloody Hell? he screamed
As he wiped sleep from his eyes
The wake up call from the bird
Caused him to be alarmingly surprised.

As he stirred the cast-iron pot
And hungrily licked his lips
He decided farming wasn't bad
He could get used to this!

Melissa- As a country girl, I can fully appreciate the bumbling city-to-country transition! Funny, poignant, and beautiful! Thank you. My favorite line is
"He tried his hand at fishing
But lost his pole and bait
And quickly he decided
Lunch would have to wait."

Thanks, Lillianmoore! My Dad is a good ol' country boy and my Mom was a city girl. They have lots of acreage, horses, goats, stock ponds, etc. They have been married 49 years and my Mom is STILL learning stuff! haha! I would say I am a mixture of both my parents -- I like country decorating, horses and lots of country things but I don't care for camping or hunting. :)

The Endless Night

It's 2 AM
And all was well
Until the cry
That woke me up
-- A sign of need.

It's 3 AM
Again I stirred
The scream that voiced
A crampy gut
Would not be stilled.

It's 4 AM
With bleary eyes
From lack of sleep
I hold the babe
My pacing slows.

It's 5 AM
The clock sounds off
I must be off
My labor waits
To work I go!

Wow, Anne! A sweet tribute to motherhood! Good job!

Hiya, Lil! You've captured and explained the feeling so well. I'm sure it's one that most people can relate to.

I love the line ''Tell me why my feet won't stop dancing with you' (at least I think you meant 'me' and not 'my'). It is a very beautiful line.

Hi, Melissa. I enjoy your narrative poems a lot and this is my favorite so far from you. It is a great story told with humour and an eye for detail. I like how the string of failures throughout the day sets the scene for hope with the break of a new dawn. It is a solid structure and ends with a feeling of being complete.

Stanza 7 is an absolute ripper! You had me laughing aloud at the two pitching attempts. Magic!

Ryan wrote: "Hiya, Lil! You've captured and explained the feeling so well. I'm sure it's one that most people can relate to.

I love the line ''Tell me why my feet won't stop dancing with you' (at least I think..."

Thank you so much, Ryan! I really appreciate it!

Hello, Anne. So perfectly worded. You've really conveyed the frustration and lack of sleep, coupled with the wonder and excitement of a new life growing. The conclusion is very strong and tells of a mother's endurance and ability to soldier on.

Your title is excellent and I think your stanzas and the progression of time in each first line are very effective. This poem is very well polished. Well done :)

Al, I love the places your writing takes me to. Beautiful - bleak and beautiful.

On Leaving Violet Town

The boy sits alone
while the carriage fills
around him. It's a V-line,
a long haul, thundering
into morning.

Barely legible,
a chipped sign fades
as Violet Town falls away.

He retreats to a paperback
kingdom. Oblivious
wheels devour miles.
Sometimes his eyes rise
and watch the landscape
grind from here to there.

City halogen holds the night
at bay. Loud speakers call
passengers awake. A lone
watcher behind the line
lifts her hand in greeting.

Sleepy eyes miss the crease,
her furrow of brow;
a small betrayal tells how
he's grown to resemble a man
she once knew.

~ R ~

Anne, Very well done! I am sure that so many Moms out there can identify with your poem!! Excellent job!! Loved it!

Thank you so much for the kind words, Ryan! I am so glad you enjoyed my poem! You just really made my day!! :)

Al, Sad but sweet at the same time. Very well written! Conveys a lot of emotion!

Ryan - So powerful and touching in just a few words! Love, love, love it!

Thank you, Melissa :)

You're very welcome!

Lillianmoore wrote: "Ryan wrote: "Hiya, Lil! You've captured and explained the feeling so well. I'm sure it's one that most people can relate to.

I love the line ''Tell me why my feet won't stop dancing with you' (at ..."

Thanks so much Ryan!

Melissa wrote: "Anne, Very well done! I am sure that so many Moms out there can identify with your poem!! Excellent job!! Loved it!"

Thanks Melissa! I had a moment of whimsy and ran with it. :)

Lillianmoore wrote: "Wow, Anne! A sweet tribute to motherhood! Good job!"

Thanks!

Lillianmoore wrote: "Blindness is Bliss
or
Waking Up To You
by Lilian Moore

It seems that smoke is clearing from my mind

I don’t want to know what I will find

It’s clear enough that I haven’t ever known the truth

..."

I'm just getting around to reading other entries... Lillian, this is so powerful and emotional. There's something about the cadence or meter that reminds me a bit of hip-hop, like I could almost sing this, too. I like that. Well written, well done.

Melissa wrote: "Here is my poetry submission for the topic: Wake up call. Feedback ALWAYS welcome!

Keep Trying by Melissa Andres

'Neath bright city lights
He was born and raised
Thought he'd never leave
So fam..."

Great story, and as always, great writing. You created a vivid image of farm life. Very enjoyable.

Alex (Al) wrote: "Sink

by Al

There she is sleeping on a mattress.
There you are gazing after her.
Don't get too close--
you might open up your heart.
It might be the end of this thing.
She's your morning wake up ..."

Very poignant. You capture a great deal of feeling in a short piece. Nicely done.

Anne, You are quite welcome and thank you very much for the compliment on my poem. I am glad you enjoyed it! :)

Anne wrote: "Lillianmoore wrote: "Blindness is Bliss
or
Waking Up To You
by Lilian Moore

It seems that smoke is clearing from my mind

I don’t want to know what I will find

It’s clear enough that I haven’t e..."

Anne, you completely understood everything I was trying to express in my poem! Thank you so much for understanding! :)

Ryan wrote: "On Leaving Violet Town

The boy sits alone
while the carriage fills
around him. It's a V-line,
a long haul, thundering
into morning.

Barely legible,
a chipped sign fades
as Violet Town falls a..."

Ah. the joys of night travel --I can feel the wee hours of the morning as the boy travels home to meet his mom -- I like the things left open for the imagination: school? army? Very evocative. Nice.

Thank you, Anne.

Echoes
By December Evens
A scream in the night
Wakes me from my slumber
Your voices echoes through the empty halls of my mind
I know it isn't you, but I wish it was
Your voice is all I have left in my mind
Pictures scattered around my room of you
I close my eyes and wonder why you left me like this

The Afternoon Morning
by Srdjan Solkotovic

The sun wakes me up
I look at my clock
Its 3pm again
The day passed again
And I dont know where I am
Is it real life
Or is it a dream
Did I just become as dreamless as the communist regime
I dont have a job, I dont have a dream
But there is still a little fire
Burning within
There is still a little hope
A bit of me inside of me
All I need to do is call me
Wake up the whole me
Start to build a dream
Within my own reality

December - Short but very powerful! I can feel the emotion in just a few lines. Well done!

Srdjan - I enjoyed the concept of your poem. As long as we have hope we can do what we need to do. We just need to DO it! Motivation is the key! Just like writing we can not only hope and dream - we actually have to MAKE it happen! :)

Melissa wrote: "December - Short but very powerful! I can feel the emotion in just a few lines. Well done!"

I got the idea from a song called Wake up call and I couldn't think of a good story, thanks.

You did very well! I bet you could come up with a good story too. You never know! :)

I don't know. Maybe

Melissa wrote: "Srdjan - I enjoyed the concept of your poem. As long as we have hope we can do what we need to do. We just need to DO it! Motivation is the key! Just like writing we can not only hope and dream..."
Thank you I am glad you enjoyed it . I wish it was as long and as good as yours , but due to my work I have really little time to write and think so thats the best I could do in a short period of time. :D

December wrote: "Echoes
By December Evens
A scream in the night
Wakes me from my slumber
Your voices echoes through the empty halls of my mind
I know it isn't you, but I wish it was
Your voice is all I have left..."
How very touching,December. You packed a lot of feeling into a short poem. Very nice.

Thanks Anne, I just wrote it and didn't think people would like it. I guess they do.
I based it off this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeCfE...

Srdjan wrote: "The Afternoon Morning
by Srdjan Solkotovic

The sun wakes me up
I look at my clock
Its 3pm again
The day passed again
And I dont know where I am
Is it real life
Or is it a dream
Did I just become ..."

Good job -- I really like the last 5-6 lines, especially the phrase, 'Wake up the whole me' -- very eloquent.

Srdjan - Thank you for the compliment! I understand your struggle with being busy with your work schedule. I am a stay-at-homer but I do have my moments when I am overwhelmed with different things. It can stifle your creativity ... at least it does for me! Sometimes we just have a take a step back for a while, do what we gotta do and then get back to it when we can.

December - I just watched the video from your link. I am normally major big into country music but I really liked that song! :)

Lilian Moore - Beautiful poem

Melissa - Love it! Puts me in mind of my redneck step-dad.

Anne - As a mom of a little one, I totally got this one.

So many good entries. I'll be back later to read the rest.

*Broken, beaten*
Damned if I do.
Damned if I don't..
You can't look into the details
Or maybe you can, you just won't.
She's too small to be useful..
Too tiny to hold worth
Too loud and obnoxious
To mean anything on this earth..
Just extra noise, an unneeded part
A broken, beaten girl with a broken, beaten heart.
Too relaxed to give a care
Too tense to help anyone else
Too fragile to put someone back together
Or to even try to nurse one back to health
Too alone to feel loved
And too crowded to feel alone
Too cowardly to make friends
Or make anyone feel at home
Damned if I do.
I'm damned if I don't..
Don't see the point in trying
Yes I will, no I won't..
You tell me what to do.
High expectations bring me down
You try to break through
My dark, menacing cloud
That always has to stay
It never seems to part
With this broken, beaten girl
And her broken beaten heart..
Wake up already!
She's standing there, shouting with all she's got..
She can't defend herself
She's never even fought!
No one is there to help her out
Or stick up in her favor.
Quite ludicrous the names she's called
For her actions, her behavior.
You don't know her story and why she's so quick to retreat.
She's so easily angered and she's quite easy to beat.
Because that's the only beat I ever hear..
Nothing else is there to play the part
All I've ever been known as
Is a broken, beaten girl
With my broken, beaten heart..

Please allow me to break the rules and have my submission appear on my blog page this week. it is prefaced by a song that was perfect for it, and quite frankly I was way too tired to figure out how to get it right on the GR site. I do apoogize. You can read it over there, and comment here. sorry for the extra work. the link to my blog and this week's submission is here;

http://paulatohlinecalhoun1951.wordpr...

Thank you!

At the Condominium


She threw the vase of roses at the door
and wished she’d had a gun to fire instead.
Leaves slid, and water trickled, to the floor.
She took a dazed step back, sat on the bed,
and heard his footsteps in the entry hall,
the front door slam, an engine roar to life.
Disgustedly, she eyed the papered wall,
thanked God she was his mistress, not his wife.
He splurged for others, saved for her the dregs.
She thought how he at first had seemed to care.
Her sad gaze wandered to her breasts, her legs.
She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair
and wondered what his heiress-wife would shout
if, by some quirk of fate, she should find out.

Wow, M. So profound, very descriptive, and leaves the reader salivating for more! Absolutely beautiful!

Thank you! That’s a response I dream of getting.

Lillianmoore wrote: "Blindness is Bliss
or
Waking Up To You
by Lilian Moore

It seems that smoke is clearing from my mind

I don’t want to know what I will find

It’s clear enough that I haven’t ever known the truth

..."



Makes me thnk of Rita Hayworth. She used to say that men went to bed with Gilda, but woke up with reality. Very nice and poignant piece!