Connecting Readers and Writers discussion

First, the story sounds great.

In my opinion, the beginning of your blurb is too heavy on everything. Why not just cut it to something simpler. When Chris wants to go help an old farmer, a young girl named Susan offers her help...

Ok not saying this should be it, but I still think simpler is better. Is the lamb important to the story? Or is it just a mean to it?

Also, I would lose the excamations. They do nothing to the sentences. In fact, they even lesser them by telling the readers you needed to add something to catch their attention. You did not need them to make your point.

Last, try go break it in paragraphs if you can. It's easier on the eyes than a huge block.

I'm sorry I couldn't come with more ideas. Hope this helps a little.

Edited: darn iPad changing my words. :(