The Humour Club discussion

Every Saturday night, the guys liked to get together and complain about their bitches.

(Let me know if this is too off-color. I'll delete it.)

Rob wrote: "Every Saturday night, the guys liked to get together and complain about their bitches.

(Let me know if this is too off-color. I'll delete it.)"

My favorite!

Rob wrote: "Every Saturday night, the guys liked to get together and complain about their bitches.

(Let me know if this is too off-color. I'll delete it.)"

Though we don't act like it, we here at the Humour Club are adults. You'll have to try harder than that to offend most of us.

BUT, this does remind me of a tale...

Not long after I joined a local book club, we met one night at the home of a very proper elderly British lady who, even though she's resided in the US for decades, has managed to keep her lovely accent. As the evening was winding down, I was quite startled when she rose from the sofa and announced, "I'd like you all to meet my little bitch."

Turns out, she breeds Golden Retrievers in her spare time.

Rob--I think you win this one!

Melki wrote: ""I'd like you all to meet my little bitch."

Awesome.

So, how would you . . .ah. . . like to pull my. . .ah. . .sleigh tonight?

Whoa.. I'm putting you two on my naughty list!

During an energetic bout of cosplay, Red Fingers McFinnagal had accidentally stumbled on the perfect burglary outfit.

Santa paused on the hearth. His eyes lingered over the naughty girls. Decisions . . . Decisions . . .

"I can...not...eat another cookie. Oooh, my stomach hurts!"

Xmas isn't over until *I* say it's over!

Hey Doc, What does Proctologist mean?

"Hey! It says here your degree is from The Marquis de Sade Institute."

"Doctor of Veterinary Medicine??? I'm outa here!"

Billy knew it was a stupid idea but he couldn't come up with a better place to hide is lunch money.

Billy knew it was a stupid idea but he couldn't come up with a better place to hide is lunch money.

Lisa wrote: "Billy knew it was a stupid idea but he couldn't come up with a better place to hide is lunch money."

Good one!

Thank you, Rodney. I was afraid I'd make y'all squirm.

"Well, Doctor, if that really is your name, here's what I think of you and your so called 'ounce of prevention'."

College was proving to be far less disagreeable than Sherwood had expected.

Joel wrote: "College was proving to be far less disagreeable than Sherwood had expected."

You nailed it.

A scene from Ray Harryhausen's private collection.

Even without her glasses, Margot recognized her husband's giant birthmark. Now to find her phone and call an attorney . . .

Sheree finally realized that she could not leave her fiancé alone with her roommate for even the few seconds it takes to get the tea kettle from the stove.

****Well, I have discovered Melki’s sinister plot in promoting the Fine Art topic. I have just finished reading the book Ha!: The Science of When We Laugh and Why by neuroscientist Scott Weems. The following information is from that book, and it is true.

_________________________
There is a well known (by psychologists) study on the nature of humor. In that study a neuroscientist administered a battery of personality tests to a large group of subjects. Then she gave each subject a stack of pictures and asked them to write funny captions to as many of the pictures as they could in a 30 minute period. She then compared each subjects’ caption output to the results of the personality tests. Not surprisingly, the people whose test results showed that they were more sociable and gregarious wrote more captions than other people. However, it wasn’t these sociable people who created the funniest captions; it was the people with psychopathic tendencies. This is all true.
_________________________

So, it’s quite clear isn’t it, Melki? You are trying to identify psychopathic humorists who will aid you in your vile plot to take over the world, or at least Gotham City. Mad, you say. You think I'm Mad? [insert evil laugh here] No, I am not mad. I’m not even mildly peeved. [another evil laugh] I, for one, look forward to the reign of our dark mistress. It’s just that when the League of Evil Jesters is finally formed, I have dibbs on the super villain name ‘Caption Nemo.’ OK?

Much as I do enjoy being called "Dark Mistress," I must confess to no sinister subliminal world-conquering plots. I stole the idea from a comic called That is Priceless which presents a classic work of art with a funny caption...only, it's not that funny. I suspected that my fellow Humour Club members could create much funnier punchlines, and I was certainly proven correct.

As usual.

That's why I AM The Dark Mistress

Bwa-ha-ha-koff-koff.

Melki wrote: "Much as I do enjoy being called "Dark Mistress," I must confess to no sinister subliminal world-conquering plots. I stole the idea from a comic called That is Priceless which presents a classic wo..."

OK, right. I forgot. We're not out to conquer the world. [wink, wink]. But you'll keep calling me Caption Nemo, right? You promised.

Aye, aye, Cap'n.

This place gets weirder every day.

Thank god.

...and there are Speedos on that beach that will make you go blind if you so much as accidentally glance in their direction.

"Go West, young men!"

"But..."

"So learn to swim! Kids these days..."

And over there is where we found metal peices marked "Air Asia".

Bill and Ted couldn't be arsed to join in with their pilates instructor.

"Now, putta you iPads away, get off a you butts n'a go out there an'a just plain get offa you butts!"

Funnily enough, that picture (a reproduction, natch)used to hang on the wall in the spare room of my paternal grandparents house. Whenever I stayed there I would stare at the picture and try to work out what was happening.

The two fwightfully well-dressed boys seemed to be bored silly listening to the peasant chappie with no shoes and a wooden beam up his backside. I had no idea what he was pointing at, but it clearly didn't interest the two boys. They seemed to be fixated on his moustache.

There's a toy boat in the corner of the picture which probably cost more than the peasant earned in a year. Either that or they were all giants.

None of them have noticed the jabberwocky crawling along the wooden beam, stage right. A few seconds after this picture was painted, they were all hacked to pieces because none of them had thought to pack a vorpal sword.

Who's the original artist, Will? Was there some history?

My first impression of the painting was that the 'chaperone' was recounting an old sailors story to the silly whelps. A-a- and he's gotten to a low point in the story; maybe recounting some torrid romance or some political history. Just guessin'.

Nice to hear of your fond memories and attachment to it.

The artist is John Everett Millais. The painting is called The Boyhood of Raleigh Apparently, it is Sir Walter Raleigh and his brother being schooled by a sailor on a beach by the Devonshire coast. Of particular interest to you, Andre, may be that the painting has been parodied many times in political cartoons.

Of course, this info is from Wikipedia, so it could all be lies...

Ah, that explains it. It's the sort of inspirational theme that would appeal to my late grandfather. He was a lay Methodist preacher with very fixed ideas about right and wrong.

Somehow "being schooled by a sailor on the beach" has different connotations these days.

Melki wrote: "The artist is John Everett Millais. The painting is called The Boyhood of Raleigh Apparently, it is Sir Walter Raleigh and his brother being schooled by a sailor on a beach by the Devonshire coas..."

Thanks Melki! Other googled sources said the same thing so I think the wiki source is OK!

"Oh, suddenly ye boys don't like living on the beach? Ye got grander plans, ye say? Well best'a luck with that. Now go fetch some clams - dinner doesn't make itself, ye know!"

I want my money back! You told me there was an Egyptian queen in there!

"I'm telling you! It doesn't match the drapes. Take it back."

"But we don't have any drapes!"

"It doesn't fly."

"Why does it say 'Made in New Jersey' here?"

Pseudonymous wrote: ""Why does it say 'Made in New Jersey' here?""

Nuthin' is made in Jersey! Everything falls of the back of a truck here.