SCPL Online NonFiction Book Club discussion

On pages 80-81, Nayeri describes her memory of the morning that her mother began referring to her brother Khosrou as Daniel. She recalls her own confusion surrounding the change, which had been made without warning or explanation, and her brother’s reaction: “When the realization hit him, my brother’s eyes welled up. It was time for sweet Khosrou to bid us farewell, to make room for Daniel, his American counterpart. He was five.”

What do you think is the significance of this moment?

It makes me think about what it means for immigrants to "assimilate" and what parts of themselves might be lost in the process. I found myself wondering about how difficult all of these changes would be for anyone, but especially children. In this instance, Daniel has his name taken away, without much choice in the matter. Their mother later explains that the choice was made because Khosrou will be difficult for Westerners to pronounce. It is understood that his mother believes she is doing what is best for him. You can sense her desire to make every transition easier for her children, to help them become adaptable.

What do you think about this event and about the choice their mother made? How much of our identity is tied to our name?

I'm behind in my reading so I'm not at this point in the book yet, but I feel like I understand as much as I'm able to why their mother, like many newcomers to Western countries, made the choice to change her son's name. I think any parent who makes such a difficult decision does so because they want the best possible future for their child, one where they are accepted by the new society in which they live and face as little discrimination as possible. That said, it's very problematic that this is a choice that some immigrants feel they have to make.

I think it's understandable but also sad. I know people, including family, who have immigrated to Canada and have adjusted their name accordingly. Quite often it results in having a "Canadian" name they use in public and their actual name they use with family. I know they've done it because it's just easier, but it's not really hard to learn an actual name. I think it allows us to reflect the diversity of our country better and acknowledging the culture of those who come to live here.

It is sad, and a shame that we aren't more tolerant of diversity. There was an interesting article in The Atlantic from last year about this topic:
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/ar...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Keely and Anne. I found The Atlantic article's discussion of the subject very interesting, as well.

Before we wrap things up this month I wanted to add to everyone’s comments here and say that this also opened my mind up to experiences with Individuals I’ve encountered with “non-American” sounding names. I have met many people who have told me their “American” name is _______. Even the guy who sold me my car last year me to call him magic and not Majid because it was “too hard to pronounce”. This has definitely opened my awareness up, and hopefully like the article said people will begin to reverse that pattern and change their names back to something that represents their country/culture/ethnicity etc.

Alana, thank you for sharing with us the impact this book has had on you. It definitely has given me a lot to think about as well, and it is wonderful that we have this community to engage in a dialogue about these issues.