Terminalcoffee discussion

Article in the NY Times today titled "Frazzled Moms Push Back Against Volunteering":

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/02/gar...

While part of me wants to roll my eyes at the woman in the picture's complaining (although she runs a business, she sounds like she has flexibility...I know some women who would kill for the time/opportunity to volunteer at their kids' schools) I do get some of the article's points. As people get busier and work more finding time for volunteering can be difficult. But at the same time the need for volunteers (say, at an elementary school with dwindling resources) increases. I don't mean to focus on just schools, though, there are a lot of places to volunteer.

I don't. I'm too fucking busy. I'm not going to lie.

But for you...do you volunteer? What do you get out of it? If you don't volunteer, where would you want to volunteer? What's keeping you from volunteering?

I'd like to someday fundraise for humane society type organizations. I think I could do that.

You?

I volunteered for a time as a co-facilitator of a 'Conversation Circle' which is where ESL students (or anyone) could come and practice what they'd learned in class and/or ask any questions they had about anything. What I got out of it: I loved the dedication of the people who came each week to try and learn not only a new language, but new customs. I'd like to start volunteering as a classroom aide in a literacy program and I don't because I guess I'm afraid someone will ask me a question I don't know.

I'm on the board at my son's charter school (have been for three years). We're undertaking a huge expansion, which has meant putting in a lot of hours. After this year, I'll find another way to contribute.

I've been putting the pitch in "coach-pitch" baseball for the twins' teams the last three years. Does that count? I used to be a lecter at our old church. And I volunteered to read during the past several reading months.

My wife volunteers for everything.

I'm a big fan of volunteering for things/causes that I believe in. I've volunteered on several clubs boards and a couple church committees, rang the Salvation Army bell a couple years, worked a couple years with kids at the east side community center, and coached year round for nine years. I am currently looking for something else to give my time to now that I have considerable more time than I used to.

i volunteer for many events and many organizations. since my kids are grown up and gone i have more time to do this.

Clark wrote: "I've been putting the pitch in "coach-pitch" baseball for the twins' teams the last three years.

I've learned to sit as far away from the dugout as possible and keep my head down in a book or else I'll get suckered into coaching first base or something.

I'm a sucker for helping the kids RA, I would be down coaching or running the scoreboard or anything else needed. It took me until this year to actually sit in the stands to watch my son play because I had always been standing in a dugout or sideline. It was an adjustment for my wife to have me sitting near her too.

Volunteering is a seasonal thing in people's lives - there are times when it fits and times when it doesn't. If you overdo it, you get burned out and then you want none of it. If you do something for years, you need a change. I've done various things on an off, am more involved in politics right now than volunteerism, but I become more and more convinced that having some contact with the poor and disenfranchised is not optional in my life.

I think because I teach all day the last thing I want to do that evening is coach. God bless you guys who cover the coaching. I'll be over in the shade, reading. Oh, my wife chats with her friends, I stay out of her way.

When I was living in Southern Utah, I was on the board of the United Way there. It was a rewarding experience -- although getting anything above the normal church tithe was like getting blood out of a turnip in Utah.

I had my own business, and could give a lot more time.

Now that I work for a living I can't really do it that much.

I agree Rebecca, you can get burned out, and change is good.

I did a lot of volunteering in my daughter's schools. I don't have a 9-5 Mon - Fri schedule, so I help out when I see a need and it fits in my schedule. I do give blood regularly and I like to make things like blankets and hats for hospital patients and because I can fit that in on my own time.

Oh, I wish I could give blood ms. petra. I've tried twice, and broke out into sweats that they were going to stick a needle in me, and had to leave both times. Good for you.

Myles said "rubbing against each other".

i'm not sure you get burned out from volunteering or helping people. you certainly can get too busy and then be frazzed by your schedule but you have to work within your doable time. they key i think is to remember you are a volunteer and do your best but if something begins to cause you to be anxious or overwhelmed you back off.

I stopped volunteering as much when I started doing music full time because I couldn't commit to any kind of schedule for anything. Sure, I can come three Saturday mornings in a row, but then I'm going to be out of town for three months. Most places I'm interested in volunteering demand consistency that I've never been able to give.

In high school, volunteering was "show your colleges that you're doing something!" I didn't even volunteer much then.

Now I'm college, and they want me to volunteer....why?

Britt-Britt wrote: "In high school, volunteering was "show your colleges that you're doing something!" I didn't even volunteer much then.

Now I'm college, and they want me to volunteer....why?"

Looks good on job applications.

People want to see that you are a contributing member of society on job applications, to get into Masters programs etc.

But don't they know it's just for show?

and.....it helps people?

most all of us can remember being in youth sports, scouting, church events, etc and those were staffed primarily by volunteers. our town has a mentoring program our church started that now has almost 200 people who go to local schools during the day (on lunch hours and such) to mentor and tutor kids. this is all volunteer and the school system is so appreciative and enthusiastic and raves about the diff this makes in the lives of kids. i do what i do to give back after taking so much in my life

I'm the room parent for my son's class and I really don't like it. I like spending extra time with him but I'm really uncomfortable around large groups of people (kids or adults). Plus, I hate it when people I don't know touch me, and the kids in his class are touchers.
I'll continue to volunteer though, it's worth it to be involved with my kids while I can.

I volunteer on an occasional basis, usually when I've been asked, but that's about it.

I do think it's possible to burn out, depending on the particular commitment that you've undertaken. I volunteered for about two years at a men's homeless shelter in Boston when I was in my 20s. It was the kind of place where you would see some pretty heavy stuff, people with problems that just weren't going to get solved in this life--helped maybe, but not solved. Anyway, I'm glad I did it at that time in my life and would like to do some other type of volunteer work now, although maybe something a little less emotionally intense.

btw - i am santa again next week at the library christmas party where they bring kids in that evening dressed in their pj's for cookies, snacks and stories and then santa comes out. i have done it for 4 yrs now. my daughter plays the elf with me and we have a nice evening

Jonathan wrote: "I do think it's possible to burn out, depending on the particular commitment that you've undertaken. I volunteered for about two years at a men's homeless shelter in Boston when I was in my 20s. It..."

I do, too. Especially in the type of situation you're talking about. I think that's a great service you provided as a volunteer there for a population that needs the help. When I went back to school a long time ago with the thought that going back to school would be good, I volunteered at a dual diagnosis treatement facility and it was too much for me. I lasted a day and a half. I don't know that I'd last any longer at a homeless shelter.

Kevin "El Liso Grande" wrote: "btw - i am santa again next week at the library christmas party where they bring kids in that evening dressed in their pj's for cookies, snacks and stories and then santa comes out. i have done it ..."

PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES

My work as a volunteer fundraiser (AIDS Coalition) led to a paid job as a grant-writer for a local non-profit. I liked fund-raising, but it got to the point where so many groups asked me help them with fund-raising that I lost my enthusiasm for it.

For the past 12 years I've been a hospice volunteer, mostly working with patients in their homes. It has been fabulous. I get back much, much more than I give. And if I have a lot going on, I can always turn down an assignment.

I was on the board at the church I used to attend. That sucked. Those meetings were stupid.

RandomAnthony wrote: "Kevin "El Liso Grande" wrote: "btw - i am santa again next week at the library christmas party where they bring kids in that evening dressed in their pj's for cookies, snacks and stories and then s..."
PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES "

yes, we demand pictures!

Can I change my answer?

RandomAnthony wrote: "I was on the board at the church I used to attend. That sucked. Those meetings were stupid."

I was on the finance committee at our parish RA and one meeting we spent an HOUR talking about strategies to get the college students to stop flushing inappropriate objects down the parish toilets. I'm not very diplomatic in these situations.

i am on several church/youth related boards as well as Hatian Environmental Support Program board and i hate board meetings. i have a hard time not being a wise-acre and sitting through blather. i know much of it is important but also the roberts rules of order can seem like you are in a monte python movie

Cynthia wrote: "For the past 12 years I've been a hospice volunteer, mostly working with patients in their homes. It has been fabulous. I get back much, much more than I give. And if I have a lot going on, I can always turn down an assignment."

I'm not sure I could do that. Was it difficult at first?

Cynthia, I'm interested in hospice, though I'm not sure I'm strong enough to handle it.

I have volunteered on and off my whole life. when I was a child I helped other kids with their homework and taught them to enjoy reading. when my son was growing up I volunteered for school field trips (used vacation days), countless hours with little league, worked 40 hrs/month on/for women's crises service, various political campaigns...when I became very ill, I missed the contact that volunteering gave me outside of and in addition to the full time job I had. Now feel well enough that I volunteer for my sister in law's LNA classes as an "actor". I play patient for her students. Lately, I've been playing patient for LNAs from outside the school where my sister in law teaches because so many of them are going on to the Practical Nursing course. It's nice to be able to help someone else for a change. And goodness knows I have plenty of experience at being a patient. I tried to volunteer at my local library but they don't have a volunteer program. evidently the town council cut the budget and let a number of paid staff go ..so the remainder decided to not use volunteers to replace paid staff.

Sarah Pi wrote: "I stopped volunteering as much when I started doing music full time because I couldn't commit to any kind of schedule for anything. Sure, I can come three Saturday mornings in a row, but then I'm g..."

I agree Sarah Pi. that has always been an issue for me as well.

RandomAnthony wrote: "Kevin "El Liso Grande" wrote: "btw - i am santa again next week at the library christmas party where they bring kids in that evening dressed in their pj's for cookies, snacks and stories and then s..."

YES! pictures of Santa Kevin and his merry elf!

Michael and Scout: Hospice has a 15-hour training for all new volunteers and the work is surprisingly enjoyable. It is not the same as experiencing the loss of a family member or friend, as when you meet the client you know them only for a short time, and you know that they have a terminal illness. My hospice clients are for the most part open and honest and funny as hell. The funny part surprised me.

I was a hospice volunteer for 20 years. I worked with patients in their homes. After my husband died of leukemia, I couldn't do that anymore. I facilitated bereavement groups instead.
Now I don't volunteer anything except an opinion.

To me it's totally a matter of time. I worked at a spouse abuse shelter for a long time, but they got a new volunteer coordinator who just insisted on too many hours, and that's what got to me. I need my alone time or I go insane. I wish I could come to a peaceful solution on this.

Cynthia, how do you not get attached and then grieve? Thinking of that is what keeps me from getting involved. I imagine heartbreak after heartbreak.

Scout, it is a different type of grief than that of losing a close friend or relative. You haven't known these people in their youth or prime, only in their state of illness. Your loss is still a loss when they die, but your expectations at the get go are different. Plus many of my clients I only get to see once or twice. Families tend to wait a while to utilize the volunteers.

volunteering opens up your mind and your heart. It can change the direction of your life. It can transform you. The organization for which you volunteer can help you develop skills and experience that your current job may not provide. After 25 yrs away from the battered women's movement I am now trying to reconnect with it because although I am disabled I can write/email legislators, make phone calls, give speeches, mentor....