Constant Reader discussion
Constant Reader
>
Is your partner a reader?

Imagine my surprise when, a couple of weeks ago, my husband was getting ready to leave for work (he works a night shift) and said he didn't have any magazines to read on his dinner break and asked if I had a book for him to read.... I was shocked! As he was already almost to the door, I ran to my shelf and grabbed the first book I saw and handed it to him in the car.
The book was Water For Elephants. He enjoyed that and asked for another! I couldn't believe it! I gave him Kite Runner; I found him on the couch reading, with the t.v. off! I found him outside reading... he was staying up late... reading! He just started Pillars of the Earth and I'm making a mental list of books I think he might enjoy.
We've been married for almost 33 years and he's just found one more way to make me happy; I guess the lesson is to never give up on a non-reader and always be prepared to suggest a good book!

I think it did have something to do with the demise of our marriage. He became so insular. He resented my wider interaction with the world.
My present husband spends as much time reading as I do. I read more because I read faster. (He's not reading in his native language.) He reads mostly nonfiction, I read mostly fiction. But every once in a while, when we're sitting on opposite ends of the couch with our books, he looks over at me and says, "I'm so glad you like to read."
Makes a big difference.

However, in the 48 years that we've been married, he hasn't read many books. Instead he reads the newspaper every single morning and reads a news magazine at lunch and during the day, (besides playing Free Cell Solitaire for hours on end}. He also reads current events online.
Every once in a while I'll recommend to him a book I've enjoyed. He'll read it and his usual comment is that it was "OK". So, as you can see, our tastes are very different. I prefer fiction; he prefers current events and non-fiction.
Despite his extensive vocabulary, he doesn't talk much. (g) The exception to that is if you ask him a technical question... then he will go on and on. (lol)
He does have a few favorite books from a long time ago. He truly values them.
As for discussing books together, we don't do much of that. It's a good thing we both love boating and being on the water. We can sit and gaze at the scenery for hours. (g) Here's what we gaze at:==>
http://picasaweb.google.com/Sea1934/L...
During the winter, we just sit around, read, and wait for summer. -Joy H.

I'm afraid my partner's liking Bukowski, Jerzey Kosinski, and P.K. Dick may have been why it took my father a full three years to warm up to him. He did eventually see past Frank's favorite writers, but only after reading a piece I'd written abut Frank, enabling my father to see Frank through my eyes. Still, I cringe whenever Frank insists yet again that my father read P.K. Sick or Kosinski.

The shared passion for books had a lot to do with how my husband and I came together. We do not share the same tastes, for the most part, in our literature. However, we do know each other's tastes well enough to find those prized jewels for each other. We have raised two readers together over the past 16 years, and one of them is a very talented writer who has been published.
The reader/non-reader pairing can not only be a difficult one, but it can be a relationship killer in my opinion.

Joy, your husband sounds so similar to my boyfriend, especially the not talking much despite an extensive vocabulary, unless it's technical. He's a not every thought needs to be expressed kind of man. Which is fine, but I had to make sure the cability to form the thought was there first, lol. Great pictures, BTW.

So glad to hear that both you and your boyfriend really liked WHAT IS THE WHAT. I teach ESL and a lot of my students are Sudanese, so that book was especially meaningful for me - also a great read.
As for my husband, he reads some - mostly non-fiction. Only rarely do we read the same books. We have raised one reader (who rarely has a chance to read now because he is working so hard) and one non-reader. Both are pretty neat kids, if I do say so myself. :)
Ann D.


Juska's come out with another book, Unaccompanied Women, which I haven't read yet but plan to.

Our reading lists are not very similar, overall. I love classics and Tom Clancy, he loves the templar knights and Graham Hancock. I dislike philosophical books, he dislikes romance.
However, we both loves historical books, notably wars and military thingies.
He likes comics and fantasy like star wars, i like star wars too but not interested in star wars comics/novels.
So far, there's only one book that we read together. I do not mind with that, though. Won't ever force him (or vice versa) to read something.


Sometimes we read the same books, sometimes not. We both mostly read non-fiction so it makes it easier at the book store because often we are interested in the same topics. (except I read lots of nature and animal subjects...so usually if I come across a funny anecdote I just read it to him. He likes the funny parts)


I mean, reading should be regarded as a indisputable right, alone or not. What's so insulting about reading anyway? It's just like any other activities (better in quality sometimes) plus it does not hurt anyone ;p



House chores? What are those?
:)
(my place usually looks like a frat house...but there I am reading away in the rubble...)








Every once in a while, though, she will get into a book: currently it's "Loving Frank" by Nancy Horan.
One thing we do share and discuss are the articles in Vanity Fair. Love that magazine - the articles not the ads.

I do wonder though that his almost unconscious resistance to fiction is a cultural perception that only women read fiction. He grew up on an extremely rural environment among people of very provincial views. I doubt my husband ever had male readers as role models growing up.

On a related note, yesterday on the Diane Rehme Show, the guest host was interviewing woman (daughter of Julie Andrews, can't remember her name)who's written a book about how to get kids to love reading in an age when 80% of households reports not reading a single book in the past year. It was quite interesting.
But I digress. Your larger point about gender differences in reading habits strikes me as quite ironic when one considers that so much of the traditional literary canon consists of the proverbial "dead white males."

Boys, even early readers, frequently seem to give up reading in the pre-middle school years. When my son did this, I almost fainted. I still chase him with books ("Look! I know you'll love this one!") with occasional success. Lately I've convinced him to read a few books by George Pelecanos - superb crime fiction based in our hometown, DC.
My husband does not read books for enjoyment. He is visually impaired, and, since he has to read in his scholarly life (he's a physics professor), his eyes won't take much more. He doesn't mind listening when I absolutely have to read him passages from books that I read. Gilead had so many passages that I had to share with him. I will admit, though, that I had a twinge of envy reading about Tom and his wife, cozily reading together.

I read way more non-fiction in the last ten years or so than fiction.
Tom, I was fascinated by Julie andrews daughters work that you mentioned so I tried to find the interview onlie, couldn't fine one...but found this:
http://www.schoollibraryjournal.com/a...
Sounds like she came up with some really great exercises and approaches to reading...makes sense!

Regarding my comment on the canon, what I find ironic is that males today (qualifications assumed) would find reading Lit to be an effete or effeminate activity when there's such a long tradition of male writers, even "superstars" of their time, such as Byron, Wordsworth, Coleridge, Twain, Hemingway, Mailer, etc. Interesting how things have changed (if in fact it is a wide-spread change)since when tough-guy writers like Hemingway and Mailer were seen as paragons of masculinity. Does anyone occupy the role today (or aspire to occupy it?)? Perhaps Jim Harrison, but he's not widely read enough to qualify, I suspect. William Kennedy's Albany novels? Pete Dexter ("Paris Trout" and others)? Don DeLillo (Mao II, Libra), though he would reject the lable. I don't lament the passing of this image, so much of which was a cultural and marketing construction, anyway, and, in my opinion turned writers like Hemingway and Mailer into parodies of themselves, but offer it only as examples of a tradition that might influence succeeding generations of male readers. And surely there must be some YA books aimed at young boys? At that age, I was immersed in Robert Howard's Conan novels and the Doc Savage series. Sure, it wasn't great Lit by any means, but certainly fired my interest in reading. I remember saving up my allowance to buy the latest Doc Savage installment. I wish I still had them!
ps I especially enjoyed your Gilead reference. Carolyn I and read it twice, once on our own and once for our book club. A book that inspires the sharing of passages!


McGuane's swaggering males collide with the consequences of their behaviour; they actually illustrate the faults of that Hemingway male. But that subtlety seems to escape a lot of readers, and he is written off as a swaggering, macho writer.
So the snake begins to eat its tail: since the audience is largely female, masculine themes are marginalized; male readers find fiction effeminate; consequently, the audience remains largely female.
Add to that the fierce anti-intellectualism of the playground, and I think much is explained about why men don't read.


Research and my own personal experience indicate that interest in reading is a function of whether or not there are books and readers in the environment the child grows up in.
Personally, I read a lot as a kid mostly as an escape since there were no TVs or computers. Both my parents, though relatively uneducated, read a lot of fiction.
My son, though a Gen-Xer and into computers and TV, is a voracious reader because, I think, he was raised by two voracious readers.
I believe there is no substitute for early exposure to books and reading. Once, again we often expect teachers to do what parents either can't or won't do.


This brings to mind a funny memory. At about age 6 I figured out that I could write the word big in small letters, or the word red in blue crayon, etc. and it would still mean "big" or "red." For some reason I thought this was about the funniest thing ever, I would write the few words I knew over and over in ways that did not fit their meanings and about fall on the floor laughing. I tried to get my mother to see how hilarious this was and she didn't get it. I followed the poor woman around the house trying to get her to understand, and eventually had a real temper tantrum (I was not typically a tantrum thrower), screaming it still says red, it still says big, etc. What an odd child I was!
Theresa

True, growing up around books may encourage a child to explore reading while they're young, but doesn't necessarily create life-long readers. We grew up with books towering and toppling over us, and only two out of my parents' four children are still devoted readers.
I'd be so distressed if my child didn't care to read or care for art. Thank goodness I have no such expectations for my dogs.

Theresa

Theresa"
Theresa,
It's not odd it's brilliant. I smiled just thinking about it.
Did anyone have a parent like mine, who, when I was reading would say, "As long as you aren't doing anything...."?

My big observations as a child usually had to do with numbers, early childhood Number Theory discoveries, and my mother wasn't that excited about those either.



It reminds me of like, how clever the Beatlesw were at sucha young age with the name of their band.
Kids really love visual and verbal puns...
Now...I should qualify here...for me reading isn't about the idea that it's a book.
The book format is incidental.
The book is a vehicle...a dispensary, if you will...for a story.
For me, it's not crucial that someone read books.
What is crucial for me in my relationships is that the person I'm involved with...as a partner, as a friend, or family is commited to storytelling.
For me it's about the storytelling and I'm not attached to whether it's via a book or a movie or a painting or a song.
Often when teaching an art lesson to people who say "I don't get art"...I often teach that a painting is a narrative. There are clue and images, either shapes, figures, colours that contribute to a non-verbal narrative. A little exploration of icons and shapes and motifs gives a viewer the dictionary...as well as asking oneself what colours and shapes or motifs mean to them themselves.
I don't think I could be hooked up with, or involved with friends etc if they weren't as passionate as I am about storytelling. So someone who loves movies, or music would fall into that area of commitment and enjoyment with me....even if they didn't read very much.
Actually, many of my friends don't read a lot...that is how I found onlien bookclubs to discuss the actual books...but one thing my close family and friends have in common is they love stories and storytelling...so they follow art and movies and song lyrics...plus they are awesome storytellers themselves!
Oh...and Andrew and Ed...I read mostly what would be considered "masculine" literature. I dn't call it that...but I realize critics or book reviews and some readers consder Conrad, McGuane, McCArthy, London, Fennimore Cooper, Melville (Burroughs, sci-fi ) to fall into a margin of masculine.
I would define the novels I like to read rather under the category of exploring issues of life and death, action, adventure, interspecies relationships, nature and moral choices..
These aren't masculine issues.
These authors used to be read by whole families...and neighbours at one time.
The literature that has often been associated with being popular and read by women...I have found to not provide the list of items I enjoy reading about in literature like my list above. Life and Death may be found in the popular contemporary books in last twenty years...but often there isn't nature or action/adventure, the outdoors or animals....so I search out those themes in other less trendy books.


Michael


Books mentioned in this topic
Water for Elephants (other topics)Gilead (other topics)
I was married to a non-reader. I didn't think it really mattered as long as he 'got' my reading habits. In hindsight, it did matter, we used our time so fundamentally differently. He bought one book during the course of our marriage. It was about OJ and it wasn't even the big fat one by that Larry What's-his-name guy. Not being a reader didn't lead to our demise as a couple, but I knew I wanted a reader next go 'round.
Later, a male friend of mine and I would search Match for bookish matches for each other. We'd do keyword searches for favorite authors. We'd laugh at the man who tried to impress upon me how much he adored the "Kike Runner". Once, I found a New Yorker writer for him, the mother lode of Matching for us, lol.
My boyfriend is a reader. Different tastes, he reads less than me and he's not a library-goer. But we can read together companionably, neither of us is bothered by keeping the bedside light on, we can be on vacation and take a break by reading in a gorgeous spot. We'll share books sometimes and be glad when the other likes them. When we went away for a weekend and he pulled What is the What out of his suitcase, I was so happy. He started telling me how great it is and that he'd been up all night reading it. "I know," I said.