Book Buying Addicts Anonymous discussion

This weekend I finished reading Water for Elephants and my mother was asking me if she could borrow it. I told her she could borrow if she gives it back in the same condition as I lent it to her and she said oh just forget it. I'm so anal about my books like this!

Also, I hate lending them out! Back in the 7th grade I lended a book to a boy in my class. 2 months later, still not having my book back, I confronted him asking him for the book back, he opens his locker and the book is sitting right there. So when I ask him about it, he says that it is his copy of the book. When I ask him where mine was, he said "I lent it to someone else". I was LIVID! I never got this book back, and still have no idea who ended up with the copy. I did, however, end up buying a new copy of the book.

To this day, I have such a hard time lending out my books, in fear I may never get them back or fear they will come back in such s$& condition I'll be upset for months.

Am I crazy? I can't be the only one who has a hard time lending out books...can I?

I have a hard time too. I will loan them to my mom because she loves books as much as I do, but cannot seem to let them go to someone else. I paid good money for my books and I love them. They are like friends to me. Besides,that's what the library is for.

I've never leant my books to anyone, my best friend lends me her books If I'm unsure about buying them (god bless her<3). I've never leant books to anyone, my close friends ask and I say no instantly, I don't even think about it, it's just an automatic response.

I loan out a lot, I'm better than the library according to my friends. But it keeps my guilt down about buying so many if I can loan them to others. Most of the books I buy are used anyway and I don't have time to read them all so I loan them out to get opinions about them. If by chance I never get a book back I either forget about it, I must not have liked it very much anyway, or I buy another used one for a dollar at a book fair. It makes me feel good to loan out books, I'm always telling people "you should read this" it feels good to be able to put a book in their hands.

Now all that being said, my really good books, autographed, old, or otherwise favorite copies I won't loan....

My boyfriend bought me a ink stamper with my name on it for my birthday so I can mark all my books to get them back :) Now I have to decide what page to stamp them all on.

I only loan books out to a few people because they either care about their condition as much as I do or will buy me a new copy if it gets messed up. And my best friend only lends books to me.

My reading pals and I have a "friends and family" book club.......a lot of us read in the same genre and loan to each other. We all can be trusted to take care of the books and return them when finished. Those are the only people to whom I loan my beloved books.

That experience of yours even irritated me! Such lack of respect after you'd done him a favor. I loan my books out. Usually, I only read them once so I figure the book's happier if it's being read. :)

Loaning..never do it. So, I never have to worry. Probably only 2 or 3 people I will lend to and know I won't have any problems though.

Oh man, I can't lend out books unless I absolutely trust the person that's asking for the book. And I don' lend out my hardcovers to anyone; people tend to wrinkle the dust jackets, and I really hate that.

Before lending out a book I always give them a run down of what not to do.
-Don't dog ear the pages
-Don't fold back the pages
-Don't damamge the spine
-Don't bend the cover

Some people think I'm nuts, but anyone who knows me well enough understands why I'm so anal. I didn't buy a copy of the book, just to have some moron spill coffee on it and bend the damn pages. Amirite?

@Lauren, why not just take off the dust jacket before lending the book so less worry about it getting wrecked? :) Had same problem before.

My husband and I recently spent about 200 dollars, buying books and dvds that we'd borrowed to people, but couldn't remember who to, and had not gotten back.
I once lended a book to one of my inlaws, and when I asked for it back, she claimed it was hers. Luckily I write my name in all my books, so when I pointed that out she apologized and gave it back.

I don't mind people borrowing my ordinary paperbacks, but I take dustjackets off hardbacks, and I never lend out my signed copies AND books that are out of print and hard to come by.

You know why I love this group? Because until I stumbled upon it, I thought I was strange. Now I know there are other people with same hang-ups I have:)

Like most of you, I'm not overly fond of lending books out, simply because they don't seem to find their way back home again. There are a very few people I'll let borrow my books, and that's because I know that they are as careful with their books as I am with mine.

To be fair, I also don't really borrow books from others. I wouldn't feel right to borrow a book from someone if I didn't feel comfortable in letting them read one of mine. Also, I tend to pick up books pretty regularly throughout the year, so if I see something I like, I'll grab it. It's a very rare thing for me to not have something I'd like to read not already in my possession.

Blue wrote: "We have all had bad loaning experience...but my mom has a good quote about lonaing. 'Loan what you don't expect to get back.' If I have more than two copies of a book...for whatever reason, yea I'l..."

I agree with your mom and I do this for any type of loan whether its books, clothes or money! It's nice if i get it back, but don't "loan" more than you can afford to loose.

All of my friends are book-addicts like me, so they never ask to borrow books. We go to different bookstores every couple of weeks and stock up on books anyway. My family will ask me to borrow books, and since it's family I'll go onto half.com and buy a cheap $1 paperback copy of the book and tell them that they can just "have it." That way I don't have to worry about them returning books or having missing holes in my collection. Also, I feel like it's good karma and good recycling and it's pretty cheap. Better to spend $4 for another copy and have the peace of mind that my books are safe while they're enjoying something new to read.

However, I have book plates in all of my hardbacks that have my name on them. On my paperbacks, I put return address labels on the title pages. I get a lot of free ones in the mail and some of them are kinda pretty. Any book that gets loaned out gets a return address label inside.

I detest lending anything, especially books. They never come back in the same condition they went out, if they come back at all. I haven't leant anything since high school because of this. IMO, if a person wants to borrow a book, they can go to the public library, not my private library. Maybe I am being a bit selfish, but I spent the money to buy these books for my library and I want them well taken care of. Nobody can do that as well as I want but me.

I am very particular about the way I care for books, so lending them out is always a bit hard for me to do. I only lend them to a few family members that I trust and I know that they will care for them as I do.
I also cringe each time a friend of mine brings her kids to my house, the first thing they do is head for the bookshelf and chaos ensues. I am seriously starting to think that I should limit her visits to the front porch. Not that I am a so called "Book Snob", I just want to ensure that my books stay in the condition in-which they were purchased.

I only lend my books to very few people, and only if they aren't my favourites, and no, I don't like lending them even to those people. I always worry that I'll never see my books again, or that they will come back to me all damaged.

Once when I was in college, my best friend of the moment asked me if she could borrow my copy of Dangerous Liaisons, a book I absolutely adore. Because she was my best friend, I did lend it to her. I never saw it again, and it was an expensive hardcover.

I bought another copy of it, but I've never lent it to anyone again since, and never will.

One solution is: request a deposit and paper clip it to an index card with (have them write name of book, amount of deposit and date of loan. File by date and once a month remove deposits and file index card in a box for future reference.
Spend the deposits buying books. If they return the book (even later than a month)use another deposit (late) to pay them.

Most people don't like to do deposits so they won't participate or they like that you will use the money to replace the book or get a new one you want.

Neither be a lender or borrower has a real truth when it comes to precious items like books.

I'm hesitant about lending books too. They always come back with spine damage, which is one of my pet hates.

I'm not too keen on borrowing books either, but there's no rational explanation for that...

I *should* find it harder! I've bought Orlando by V Woolf and The Handmaid's Tale by M Atwood three times each because people didn't/wouldn't give them back!

And I do not, at the moment, possess a copy of The Handmaid's Tale.

TK Kenyon

Nyla wrote: "Am I crazy? I can't be the only one who has a hard time lending out books...can I?"

It seems like every time I loan books, I not only don't get the book back, but something happens that means I never see the borrower again. There were a bunch of novels to a friend's brother when I was eighteen - then his parents divorced and he moved. There were my horse books loaned as reference when I was in art school, and then I had to leave school. There was whatever I loaned a friend at Barnes & Noble, and then he quit. There was my Lord of the Rings trilogy (happily only a book club edition) to the girl I worked with at the movie theatre, and then she quit. And so on. When I finally noticed the pattern, I stopped lending books.

I do not lend out my book. My brother is the only exception, my friend who happened to be just as rigid as I am, plus she usually help me wrap them nicely heheh and my mother does not have the same taste as me -- so... Actually, I no longer lend out books. Just on those rare occasion due to some pretty bad experience. I lend out my book to a friend -- two friends actually like 10 years ago and I haven't seen ANY of my books again. I'm devastated!

I'm glad to see I'm not the only person who's pretty anal about this stuff!

When I told my mother the rules for borrowing my book she just shook her head at me and said "just forget it". I'm sorry, but I bought the book, there is no reason for me to lend it out just to get it back in crappy condition because she thinks it's ok. I'm a freak about spine damage and everything else.

I will only lend to my best friend, and that's because she's as anal as I am about books.

I also dont borrow books. I just feel obligated to that person if I borrow their book. Even tho I know I would take good care of their book, I live so far away from my friends & family, I would hate to have to wait to give it back to them when i was finished.

I don't lend i recommend :D there are some people you i do lend my books too buts thats because they are just as anal about their books as i am plus the only live down the road :D but if i read a book i know someone will like or if someone asks me if they could borrow my book before buying for them selves i tell them i saw in the library :D solves lots of problems and arguments :D

I am very glad to hear that I am not the only insane person who has a difficult time lending out books, but I will do it occasionally, especially if I know the person well. I am more willing to lend a paperback than a hardback. I am also more willing to lend a book that I have not written in--I like to write comments in my books and I cannot stand it if those books are not returned. I too have a childhood memory of a ruined book. When I was in the 5th grade I lent a friend a copy of "A Little Princess" and she dropped it in a puddle. I saved my pennies until I could buy myself a new copy!

My best friend I lent out bookks to here like over a year ago and I still haven't gotten them back yet >.< my aunt has a book....i'm liike ugh people give me my books back geesh this is why I don't like lending out my books because I never get them back and then when I go to rearrange my books because i've boughten new bookks or need to add books to a series I already have, and I get lost because I'm like ok I'm missing books.

Kelly wrote: "I only loan books out to a few people because they either care about their condition as much as I do or will buy me a new copy if it gets messed up. And my best friend only lends books to me."

I totally agree. A lot of friends ask me for recommendations, and they get miffed when I say I don't lend mine out as a policy bec of past experience (unpleasant). There are times when I think of a book and I stop whatever I'm doing just to check my shelf to make sure its there. My sister and I are strange in that we trust each other with books, but if either of us finds a book we like so much, we buy our own copy to keep. I also like to write the date I purchased the book on the last page, and sign my name and the date I finished reading the book on the 1st page. I like to get that sense of "history".

I guess I'm sort of in luck that all my book reading friends are miles away. Anyone I'm good friends with here doesnt read lol

Some of my coworkers do read, but they either go to the library or buy their own, so I'm pretty safe on not having to lend out. I'm considering buying a book for one of my friends who doesnt read, just because she needs to start reading....sometimes I think people would enjoy life a little better if they actually spent some time reading.

I don't do it too often. I've had someone walk away with a book that was actually a gift from my husband, a book on zen buddhism and it upsets me just thinking about it. So I try to keep tabs on what I do lend out, but those moments are few and far between after that incident.

I'm very protective of my books! They are a part of me. I know its hard to believe but I remember how I've come about each book I own. I also remember every book I lent out and haven't gotten back or came back ruined. I just won't lend out books anymore. They mean way too much to me as selfish as that is. You would have to mean alot, alot, alot to me if I lent you a book. Lol

I also have a hard time loaning out books-won't loan hardcovers. Also I am a nurse and really don't like to buy used books-the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree, my mom had an issue with germs- and when I think of ALL the sick people reading magazines in our lobby, then I think of all the germs in used books. So, i haven't seen anyone post with this reason--am I the only germaphobe?

Nice to see I'm not the only one that has issues with loaning books! I've loaned some books to his mother and told her I DO want them back, I haven't seen them yet. And she tells me everytime she reads one of my books!
Should I just ask her for them back? She knows I want them back. She has a dozen or more of mine.

I never lend my books (sorry)...Only if it's a good friend I told him/her: could you wait until I done with this book?...If the person press me (about two or three weeks after), I could see if the person is very interesting...but in the most cases he/she forget it.

I would rather give away my books than lending. Most people just don't return books. If I have some books that I don't mind being gone, I would just give it away. At other times I make deal with my friends to swap books instead of loaning.

Books that are dear to me, I keep in my bedroom shelf and nobody get access to it (not even my husband, because his favourite place to read is in a hot steamy bath... eek!)

I think i'm the opposite I love lending out my books I feel like if you have a really amazing book that you loved reading and you just cant stop talking about it that it should be shared, I don't think enough people read any more and if I can get someone to read a book by lending it to them then i'm quite happy to do so, my bookshelf is the first thing you see when you walk into my house its my pride and joy and I love showing it off :-) i'm forever trying to get my friends and family to read lol. Although if I lend you a book I do expect to get that book back in the same condition it was received in.

Nyla wrote: "I guess I'm sort of in luck that all my book reading friends are miles away. Anyone I'm good friends with here doesnt read lol

Some of my coworkers do read, but they either go to the library or ..."

I agree i buy my family and friends books for Christmas because I feel like there missing out on something by not reading :-)

I don't mind sharing my books, but I have been disappointed so many times by people who borrowed my books and didn't return them. So I'd rather swap or give them away rather than lending.

I hate lending books to anyone except my best friend (who is also coincidentally my house mate). I spent a few years studying in the Philippines and I took some of my favourite books with me, and being a nice person I loaned them out to my classmates because I knew books were prohibitively expensive there. And you know how many books I got back? You guessed it: 0.

So of course, when I got home I had to buy the books all over again :(

I only lend to certain people. If someone asks to borrow, I may try to get out of it unless I can't do so without seeming mean.
The only person I offer to borrow is my brother. He takes pretty decent care of my books (except for one time....but I forgave him!). I lent my boyfriend's mom a bunch of books before. They came back with really creased spines and I don't like that. She is really good at killing the spines of some books. She also smokes and the books had an odor to them for a while. I smoke occassionally too, but not while reading.

I always lend books to my bestfriend, knowing she struggles money wise and it makes me guilty that I have so many. I always get the books back shes good like that, they just always come back in seriously awful conditions. My friend always says she will buy me a new copy to replace it but never has done. (For any of the books.) When I say damage I mean, guinnie pig eating the front cover, tea mug marks, pages ripped and the lastest three borrowed, front covers completely soaked because she had them in her fabric bag when she went out in the rain. I have sobbed on many occasions.

I did loan to my last two ex boyfriends. The first did what other people have mentioned and claimed they were his. That relationship ened quiet fast. The second had borrowed my limmited edition lord of the rings, brought by my Dad. I have only recieved two back. He has tried to make up for that by hunting down and buying the set again but for that set it will not ever be the same.

I think I should stop lending...

Shannon wrote: "Nice to see I'm not the only one that has issues with loaning books! I've loaned some books to his mother and told her I DO want them back, I haven't seen them yet. And she tells me everytime she r..."

Maybe next time she mentions she liked the book you lent her say something like thats great that you liked it- maybe I should read it again and in that case?

Samantha wrote: "I always lend books to my bestfriend, knowing she struggles money wise and it makes me guilty that I have so many. I always get the books back shes good like that, they just always come back in ser..."

considering she struggling with money she shpld appreciate books more and value... I am sorry cup rings etc.. suggest that she used the book as cup matt

at least ex boyf 2 tried and did replace the set even if the other set is not whole

i donate books to big brothers/big sisters and the salvation army store.

My books are all second hand so I pay it forward. It hurts less that way. I don't have the money for paper books anymore. I've bought 4 ebooks. no lending here. No you can NOT have my ereader until I'm dead and buried, thank god!

I usually try and write my name in books before I lend them out, but I just saw this "personal library kit" online and I have to admit I think it is very clever. It really reinforced the idea that this is a loan transaction and the lender expects to get the book back! But I don't know if I would be willing to stick those ugly pockets into my precious books.

http://www.fredflare.com/customer/pro...

its a good idea but I don't think I could tell someone that I need it back by certain tim-people read it at differnt speeds

I'm very possessive around my books too, and it's always troubled me a little. I share pretty much everything else in my life, and don't covet 'things' at all, but my books are different. I read with great care. Like a lot of other people here, my books look as new after being read as when they were first purchased.

I find it hard to refuse if someone asks to borrow a book, but I almost never take the initiative to make an offer, even though I often want to share the joy I've experienced from reading a great book with my friends. If a book is returned in less than perfect condition then I usually say just hang on to it and go buy myself another copy.

It's always been important to me that I own all the books I've read to completion. If I have borrowed a book, then I always end up buying my own copy, even if I'm unlikely to read it again. I still don't really understand this compulsion, but it's good to know that I'm not alone in my book obsessiveness.

My ex reads her books in the bath! I still shudder at the memory, early in our marriage, of when I found her reading one of my most precious volumes with steam curling up the pages. I was deeply upset. She argued that it's the words and reading that's truly important, not the book itself, and I struggled to find an authentic counter for that, but she never again read any of my books in her rather humid reading sanctuary! I guess the marriage was doomed from the start!!

I never lent out my books. Then when my ex fiance moved out my library decreased by over half!! I was so angry words cannot even describe it. Then I find out he not only took my books but didn't even have half of what he took. (given them away or lost them) I do pass books down to my kids. In fact my 12 year old has my Christopher Pike books from when I was in Middle School.

I work very hard to keep my books in great condition and I get very nervous when people want them. I just can't do it. Not to mention if they mess it up and I have to go out and hunt for another copy. It just isn't my idea of a good time.