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Okay, so I'm going to be flat out...outrageously honest here. Sorry of this is TMI for some of you, but that's sort of what you're asking for. My most embarrassing moment is a real monster! If I ever become famous for my books - a pipe dream right? - please do not post this all over the internet! :)My most embarrassing moment was the first time I ever had a period. I was in seventh grade and had a clothing saturation issue, but had no idea. I thought I was just a little sweaty or something. I walked around middle school for at least an hour - including a class change, and a percussion class which inspired my book (me and all boys) - and no one had the guts to tell me until the last hour of the day. I was stuck at school with no change of clothes. I was able to tie the arms of my coat around my waist to cover it,...but I'd never live it down.
Luckily people in general liked me, so no one - that I know of - made fun of me. But OH MY GOSH!!!
Yeah, and in my percussion class it was me and 7 other guys. A few of which were the major hot throbs of the school. Oh my gosh, I don't think ANYTHING in my life will ever compare to the total cruel embarrassment I felt for YEARS after that.
It put a stigma on my entire middle school experience. I loved high school, but middle school will forever be a mar on my memory.
LOL Jennifer!! You have guts woman!! Sharing that is for real courageous. At least you can laugh about it now and it just might win you something! So there, there is an upside to embarassing moments!But oh my! That is a whopper!! LOL
Mod
Mod
At least the color was pretty and not something like brown. LOL. that would have been awful! Thanks for sharing Jackie!!
My most embarrassing moments are not fit for consumption by the general public. Here is one I can make suitable, though.The PG version:
So there I was (I lived in Texas for two years and it’s a law in that state that all stories start with those words, sorry), in my early to mid twenties and newly married. I had just closed a huge deal for my company and called to tell my boss about it. It was mid afternoon and I wanted to take the rest of the day off to celebrate. He told me to come back to the office so we all could celebrate. It was a big deal.
There was champagne and party platters. I was the toast of the office and the east coast manager even called in to congratulate me. I was feeling good and probably a bit full of myself.
My boss, Vince, always had ways of keeping me grounded and not letting my head get too big. He was also a practical joker.
Our office building had a parking garage and I had parked right across from the door leading into the parking garage, head in as they say. I don’t know where Vince got it, and I shudder to think that he just had it laying around, but at some point he sneaked away and attached a foot long, pink, “marital aid” to the front grill of my car using zip ties. If you don’t know what zip ties are, just open up your computer and you will see them used to bind groups of wires together.
This…”thing”…came complete with anatomically correct “attachments”. He had actually attached it upside down so the “attachments” were facing up. If he would have drawn eyes on the attachments, it would have looked like a lewd Pinocchio.
I didn’t know any of this. My car was a boxy sedan of 80’s styling and all I did when I got into my car was turn it on and go. There was no way for me to see the new attachment.
We partied well past five o’clock so rush hour around DC was winding down. Instead of the usual stop and go traffic that normally plagued my hour and fifteen minute commute, we were all moving along at a steady twenty miles per hour or so.
People in other cars were smiling, honking, and giving me “thumbs up” signals. A group of women in one car even flashed me and giggled. “Yeah,” I thought, “I really have it going on today!” Little did I know that my new found popularity was the result of a practical joke.
I laid my seat back a bit, slung my wrist casually on top of the steering wheel, turned on the tunes, loosened my tie, and just basked in my own perceived awesomeness. My knowledge of my awesomeness was bolstered by other drivers for the whole trip. Like a saber in the hand of a general leading a charge, the marital aid led the way.
I stopped about ten minutes from home at a convenience store I frequented. Truth be told, I had to use the bathroom and rushed inside, still never looking at the front of my car.
When I came out with Big Gulp in hand, three people were gathered around the front of my car. One moved just enough for me to see the “marital” aid attached to the grill. I’m sure I said, “Oh, darn!” or something along those lines.
The group cleared out and I was left kneeling in front of this “thing” struggling to get the zip ties off. I’m glad no one had a camera.
I didn’t have a knife or scissors and could only slide the bottom zip tie off (remember, it was attached upside down). There was no way to get the top zip tie that was wrapped around the…anatomically correct attachments…off with my keys. I tried, though, which led to another group staring and laughing at me. No one offered a pocket knife to help me…would you offer a knife to a guy in that position?
I gave up and decided to drive the remaining ten minutes home. With the lower zip tie removed and the upper one still attached, the rubber…thing…was then free to flop up over the hood at every bump. I prayed none of my neighbors saw me.
When I got to my house, I ran inside to get something to help me remove the unwanted appendage. My wife was up stairs when I went through the front door. She yelled down something like, “Gee, you’re late. Did you have a good day? I’ll be down in a minute.” I yelled back, “I’ll be right back, I have to, uh, get something out of the car.”
I grabbed the first sharp thing I found in the kitchen, a butcher knife, and carefully hurried back outside to the car. The remaining zip tie came off in moments. I went inside, inhumanly large (though anatomically correct) marital aid in one hand, butcher knife in the other. I was greeted just inside the front door by my wife. With a shocked expression and trepidation in her voice, she said:
“What the….? What do you plan to do with those and how, EXACTLY, do you expect me to be involved?”
Splitter
LMAO !!!! You win!!!! I thought this stuff only happened in the movies. Say are you actually Adam Sandler using a pen name to blend with us regular folks??? Lol. I bow to your embarrasment!
LMAO. I laughed so hard I had to read it aloud to my hubby. He enjoyed it immensely!
Thank you . The R rated version is better. I am writing under a pen name but I promise I'm not Adam Sandler.My most "famous" (infamous?) story can't be cleaned up. There aren't enough X's to put a proper rating on it. It's like hard core erotica meets slapstick comedy (still true though!). I only share it with select people...mainly at bars after much alcohol has been consumed. I posted it once on a blog and it took on a life of its own. It's one of those things that can only be appreciated by people that are....off.
The thing is, I am convinced that this type of thing happens to a LOT of people. Most just won't admit it or don't see the humor in the realities.
Splitter
I'm not sure I can top anyone else's but in the spirit of divulging way TMI, I've got a few you can choose from. There was my first prom incident... where I had a beautiful dress & an obnoxious younger brother who thought tripping me as I walked down the hallway would be hysterical. The fact the back of my dress ripped all the way up to the zipper was a point of pride. With moments til my date arrived to pick me up, my mom rushed me into the Living Room to fix it. She had me stand on a chair with my back to the door and rushed to find what she'd need. Now, to set the room for you, the side of the room where the door is is in fact the brightest side of the room as that is where the lamps are...and where the huge picture window is. Yep, she left me stranded on a chair with my backside facing the window and a brother 4 years younger than me. She tells him to "get the lights so she can see what she's doing when she gets in there" which he was delighted to do then tells me to "wiggle around & dance & see just how bad this is going to be". I assumed she meant the tear, not the experience. And in the most helpful moment of his life, he had called my friends to see if they could help, knew my date was coming early, and opened the curtains to show me on a chair trying to "dance" while holding onto the back of it so I didn't lose my balance while EVERYONE was gathered in the front yard. Or how children can change your life. I remember when "shopping around" for a church involved my husband and I having serious heart to heart talks prior to and following a service. As my children have grown, things have changed. My son has high functioning autism/aspergers. He has no filter and questionable social skills. Our first day attending where we now call home, he was beside himself to talk to the pastor. He proudly went up to introduce himself after the service and even waited his turn. Placing his hand in the pastor's for a firm handshake, he stated (very loudly as he has no volume control either), "Hi, my name is Ricky and I'm 11 years old and I'm in puberty!" Of course, this had to be said in a moment of total quiet & EVERYONE looked at us. My face turned so red.
Hah! I like kids the best for those kinds of stories lol. Asperber's or not, they sometimes reveal "secrets" they shouldn't and it's always cute as can be.Splitter
Very Funny Amy!! I had not idea that you guys were such a bunch!! Gheesh. I of course have no embarrasing stories to tell about myself.
C.S. wrote: "My most embarrassing moments are not fit for consumption by the general public. Here is one I can make suitable, though.The PG version:
So there I was (I lived in Texas for two years and it’s a..."
OMG! I have been laughing so hard, my son is now laughing with me and he has no idea what is going on!! You have to be the winner!
I am not entering b/c I have both of these prizes already... I can't think of anything just "life-changingly" embarrassing that has ever happened to me, thank God.
One thing that has stuck with me: My husband and I were shopping one day, before we had kids and could do whatever the heck we wanted... I think we were in Old Navy or something. I found this horribly ugly pair of shorts on the rack and walked up to who I thought was my husband, put my fingers through his belt loops and said, "You have to buy these!" Only then did I decide to look up into the shocked eyes of some total stranger! Thank goodness I didn't put my hands anywhere else!! I couldn't even talk, I was so embarrassed, and I darted away looking for my husband whose first question was, "Why are you so red?"
I declared our shopping trip over and couldn't get out of there fast enough.
It's not that bad, but I haven't ever forgotten it! LOL
Another one...but this is actually embarrassing for my mom, not me... ;-)On the subject of marital aids...
My family seems to have a lot of sinus issues and over the years, my mom found several more natural ways to handle this. We were having a bit of a family reunion, years ago, and one of my brothers declared he was getting a pretty bad sinus headache--the third one in that week. So, my always helpful mom blurts out, "When I have a bad one, I use the vibrator to knock that stuff loose in there." Everyone got quiet and turned to look at her. She cluelessly said, "It works!"
What she meant to say was "massager" as in those little hand massagers you can use for tense shoulder muscles and such. She has an old one that was my grandparents' or something--I assure you it is NOT a vibrator.
Ever since then, it has been a running joke with my aunt and husband that we have to get our vibrators out for our headaches. And, honestly, I still don't know if my mom ever caught on to her little mistake...lol...
OMG! Keep 'em coming! I think we have found a medical miracle!Splitter
Amy wrote: "We had a suggestion by J.A. Clement to do a contest where the members tell us about their most embarrassing moment! I liked the idea so much, that I am using it for this contest!!..."Hmmm ... since I have both of these books, and never get embarrassed, y'all are out of luck ... ;-)
Jennifer wrote: "Okay, so I'm going to be flat out...outrageously honest here. Sorry of this is TMI for some of you, but that's sort of what you're asking for. My most embarrassing moment is a real monster! If I ..."I had something like that happen to me in high school (wasn't the first time, but no change of anything available, which led to the problem in the first place ...) I had the same solution ... I don't know if anyone noticed or not ... at least I wasn't wearing white!
Cassie wrote: "Another one...but this is actually embarrassing for my mom, not me... ;-)On the subject of marital aids...
My family seems to have a lot of sinus issues and over the years, my mom found several ..."
Well, you know, you always see these things advertised as "stress relievers" in catalogs, with some woman holding it up against her face like she's massaging her cheek with it ... :-)
LOL. I just told my hubby that I think I just read the cure for the sinus headache I've had all day. His response after reading was....any suggestions for a migraine? ;-) And Lord help the next person who gets married, he went out today & was asking some friends the pricing on zip ties.
CS, that's tremendous! heheheh.... some other fab ones here too, so though no entry for me (my TBR is too big already and I'm strictly in editing mode) I'll add a story of my own.When I was a kid we did all the local music festivals; not Woodstock or Glastonbury-style festivals, but the sort where everyone sings individually on a stage and then the adjudicator gets up and says how each person did, and who has won.
It was the bicentenary of Purcell’s birth or death or something of that sort. Purcell is not one of my favourite composers and there was not a single song that I liked. Eventually Mum agreed that I only had to do one class, with a song called Dido’s Lament from the opera “Dido and Aeneas”. It’s terribly dour and stately – Dido is talking to her sister and saying “Just off to kill myself, love, don’t you worry about it!” (google it, it'll be online somewhere - and the first minute or so will give you an idea of what I'm on about).
So the day came, and though normally about there’d be thirty people scattered around for a class, this time there were about two hundred; the hall was packed! I started to get more and more nervous with each passing competitor.
The adjudicator read out my name. I walked up, gave my music to the accompanist and went to stand in the middle of that huge stage. As I took my place my knees turned to water and my mind went into full rabbit-in-the headlights mode, hoping only that when the music got to the right point, the words would come out of my mouth as my brain appeared to have stalled; but the music started and I began to sing and it seemed as if it was going as smoothly as these things ever do.
However, partway into the first verse, the small dark corner of my mind that was still functioning noticed something odd; every so often, at irregular intervals, a little ripple went over the audience. It seemed to start at the front and go to the back like an extremely understated Mexican Wave, and each time it happened it seemed to be slightly more marked.
I couldn’t see exactly what was going on, but out of my peripheral vision, I could just make out this mysterious movement. In the second verse it was worse; now it wasn’t so quick and clean - little pockets of the audience seemed to somehow not be sitting quite as still as music-festival-politeness would demand , but I still couldn’t quantify it.
I finished the song much mystified, took a little bow and glanced round as I went back to my seat, but was not much the wiser. There was a scanty smattering of applause which died down more quickly than usual.
When I got back to where my friends were sitting I was dismayed to find the whole lot of them, all thirteen, hunched over with their hands over their eyes. I sat down next to my Mum, who made no attempt to turn round.
“Was it that bad?” I asked.
There was a snort; she started to speak but her voice collapsed into a squeak. After a moment, still not looking at me, she managed to spit out “Do you know what you just sang?”
“What?” The question made no sense to me.
“Do you KNOW......what you just sang?” she hissed, and as she snorted again I realised that her shoulders were shaking – and in fact so were my sister’s, and the other singing teacher’s – and in fact quite a few sets of shoulders throughout the room.
“No.....”
Turns out, I had got the words wrong – only one word in the sentence, but having got it wrong once, had then proceeded through two verses of repeats still with the wrong word every time that phrase came up. Not that amusing you might think – I’d only said “get” instead of “am” – only with my usual genius for misspeaking myself, I’d managed to change the meaning of the whole thing rather substantially.
Problem is, instead of singing “When I am laid, am laid in earth” what I came out with, in full baroque splendour, was
“When I get laid, get lai-ai-ai-ai-aid in earth
May my sorrows create no trouble, no trouble in thy breast.
Remember me! Remember me! But ah-ah forget my name!”
etc...
Bear in mind that, this being opera, each line as written above is sung twice with varying emphasis in the course of one verse – and then that verse 2 is word-for-word the same as verse one but fancier, so having reduced the auditorium to a state with the first verse I had then stood looking doubly miserable and sung the whole thing all the way through a second time, equally incorrectly but this time with trills!
Well, whether you’re familiar with the story of Dido’s failed love affair with Aeneas or not, that re-phrasing puts a whole new complexion on the song. My Mum, an incorrigible giggler, had started it; my sister and my Mum’s friend, the other singing teacher, had not been far behind; and with a solid block of thirteen gigglers right in the front of the hall, everyone else hadn’t really had much of a chance. That weird ripple I had noticed had been two hundred people hiding their eyes, biting their thumbs and otherwise manfully trying not to go into hysterics in the middle of a silent(ish) auditorium....
I was mortified. All around me two hundred people were chortling, wiping their eyes, and grinning sympathetically at me. I wanted to hide under the chairs; but, I thought, at least there was one person in the hall who wouldn’t have got the joke. The adjudicator was this angelic little old lady who, I thought, would at least not have caught the implications of my gaffe. That was about all the solace I could think of, sat in embarrassment in the sniggering hall.
Anyway, the rest of the singers sang; the adjudicator mulled over her sheets and then got up to read the results. Each person only got a quick summary of her comments, but when she got to me, just reading out my name had the entire hall in hysterics again. When they’d quieted down, she commented that there were some inaccuracies of pitch and wording and moved on to the next person, much to my relief. Ah well, I thought; that’s over, at least.
On the way out Mum sent me over to the table by the door to pick up my music and adjudication sheet. Feeling a tap on my elbow I turned round to find the adjudicator standing there.
“Watch your wording, my dear,” she told me very seriously. “ ‘Am laid’ has quite a different meaning to ‘get laid’ – but I have to say,” she twinkled up at me mischievously, “I enjoyed your performance today. I think it’d be fair to say that it made my day – in fact, no; it made my festival!”
And chortling quietly, she walked back into the hall for the next class.
....!
JAC
Bwa! It's the small things that count, Jac lol.Splitter
Detail, detail, detail! A useful lesson for the would-be self-pubber!
heheheh
JAC
Hehehe JA... How old were you? No video cameras I'm sure??
Hahaha no - fortunately am far to wise to venture in front of a camera unless under duress!!I was about 14 I think or 15. Just at the point where I was failing abysmally to get a boyfriend, and would have quite liked one, and when I was possibly at my most embarrassable.
Fortunately in the following years I embarrassed myself so often and so much that by the time I was about 25 I'd used up my whole lifetime's embarrassment, and these days I just tend to think stuff is funny (so long as it only affects myself) - not a bad place to be....
JAC
Mod
The PG version:
So there I was (I lived in Texas for two years and it’s a..."
I'm in tears from laughing!! This is too priceless!! I almost want you to e-mail me with the other story if it is better than this one!! LMFAO!!!
Mod
AWE!! That is so incredibly cute!!
But I am truly sorry for your dress, and your backside...that would be horrible!! :)
Mod
When I was a k..."
As a vocalist, I found this especially amusing!! I can only imagine!! Too bad no one got it on video! :)
"I'm in tears from laughing!! This is too priceless!! I almost want you to e-mail me with the other story if it is better than this one!! LMFAO!!!" The requirements are: Over 18 and TOTALLY incapable of being offended by anything a man and woman can do together OR language.
And then not thinking less of me for putting the story to words lol. Plus not ever mentioning who wrote the story, I now have a reputation to uphold after all :).
Splitter
C.S. Splitter wrote: ""I'm in tears from laughing!! This is too priceless!! I almost want you to e-mail me with the other story if it is better than this one!! LMFAO!!!" The requirements are: Over 18 and TOTALLY inca..."
If you're emailing out stories, you have to include me!!!
Mod
The requirements are: Over 18 and TOTALLY inca..."
And a promise that it will never be distributed without giving you 90% of the profit? LOL
Yes! Anyone who wants it and can fulfill all of those requirements can PM me lolEDIT: Yeah, so, I just re-read the other story. Sorry to be a giggle-tease, but I've decided that one needs to stay a locker room story for now.
Splitter
Mod
I am laughing so hard right now. What a great contest idea!
SPLITTER! No fair! Inquirinng minds want to know! You little tease you!
JAC
I know, I know. I shouldn't have said anything. If we are all ever sitting around a table, inebriated, swapping stories, I promise to tell. I need dirt on everyone else around the table first, though lol. Splitter
Bah ha ha JA! I don't have any stories like these about myself. What a boring life I have lead...Splitter--Are you emailing stories to people?? Becuase I checked my inbox and it was empty.... LOL
C.S. Splitter wrote: "My most embarrassing moments are not fit for consumption by the general public. Here is one I can make suitable, though.The PG version:
So there I was (I lived in Texas for two years and it’s a..."
That is freaking awesome! Thank you so much for sharing!
You know that at some point we're going to have to have C-R-Con....;oD
I have too many to nail a great one down, but here's a little cute incident:My oldest daughter Megan was going on three and it was the night of the children's musical at our church. She was dressed in her pretty Christmas dress and white tights, patent leather shoes, hair all up in a bow. Right before the children were to come out on stage, she had to go potty. And any mother of a three year old knows that when a three year old says potty, they have to GO!
All of this, of course, I learned later, because I was waiting proudly with my video camera on the front row. My husband was running the A/V and recording the whole thing for all the world to see. One way or another, we were going to get to see our baby shine.
Lights dimmed, music began, and out came the kids. Megan wasn't there. As a first-time mom, I held my breath, trying not to panic as I had over every little challenge from the moment she was born. To my great relief, she finally came running out to take her place with the other singing kids...with her dress all hiked up trying to pull up her tights.
She noticed the audience members starting to laugh and point, and instead of dropping her dress nonchalantly, she decided if she couldn't see them, well then obviously, they couldn't see her. So she turned around and gave us a full view of her bloomers as she finished the business at hand.
Now, I wanted to crawl under the seats as I felt all the eyes bouncing from my firstborn to her hapless mama. But, I just let the video roll and reminded myself that it was one more piece of blackmail to show her future boyfriends. She did, I'm proud to say, turn around properly and sang like an angel.
I honestly think that as my children grow, I am becoming harder and harder to embarrass!Yesterday, my two-year-old threw my car keys in the "lake" beside the building my husband works in (we were meeting him for dinner). Thankfully they were in a shallow spot with lots of big rocks so we could see them. A very nice guy who was fishing nearby (which my six-year-old undoubtedly drove bonkers!) got them out for me.
He was laughing and said he was shocked at how calm I was. I told him he had no idea the things they have done to me already. I'm quite used to it.
And, the keyless entry remotes for both our cars still work!!!
One of my favorite quotes:"Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken."
Mod
And I think that is too cute about your daughter!!
Mysti, that is bad and wrong and perfect genius! You'll have full control over her till she is 25 (possibly 55) with the combination of that footage and the word "YouTube" (or whatever it's morphed into by that time! Fantastic.....Jenn, alas I have so many embarrassing stories it took me ten minutes to decide which to tell you all!
heheheh
JAC
I have two daughters and lots of blackmail :)
Hmmm. Next time I'm meanest mommy or the most embarrassing mom EVER, I may need to pull that out & show them I have friends who are just as creative & we've formed a group to come up with more ways to humiliate our children... That should get them to lay off for a few minutes at least.
Creative Reviews
Books mentioned in this topic
Sylvianna (other topics)Sylvianna (other topics)
Authors mentioned in this topic
J.A. Clement (other topics)Keryl Raist (other topics)
Shoshana Sumrall Frerking (other topics)
J.A. Clement (other topics)
Give us your very best (or worst) moment, and you could be the winner of one of these two books:
The Machine
or
Sylvianna
You all have two weeks to recall and share this moment. the contest will end on July 24!! Good luck and have fun!! :)