ROBUST discussion

Would love some feedback on the new, more concise 'Book Description' I plan to post today.

Old Blurb:

An ordinary human being finding her life purpose... With a little help from her soul...

Sarah is a Soul who is trying to guide Suzy along her path of rediscovering herself... Or is it redefining? Reinventing? Sarah thinks it might be better defined as remembering, but it's only Suzy who is concerned about the semantics. Sarah just wishes Suz would get on with it. A rather spirited Spirit, Sarah often finds herself rolling her eyes at Suzy's antics and the walls she has built up following the death of her husband. Sarah knows the body/mind/spirit energy who is currently housed in the human called Suzy has faced far more difficult challenges than the one she chose for this reincarnation.

Storyteller is the most common role this body/mind/spirit has chosen for its human lives and Sarah chooses to tell the story of Suzy's spiritual awakening as it unfolds, interweaving compelling stories of past lives and how these individual energies accomplished their shifts in awareness. There are three such interwoven stories beginning in 10,000 BC in Eastern Europe where a young apprentice storyteller named Luza is thrust into her awakening by the death of her mentor/shaman and a natural catastrophe. The next story Sarah reveals takes us to 5000 BC and the American Southwest, into the life of Chu-Tze, a healer who milks snakes to aid in her treatment of children. Chu-Tze must overcome the unbearable loss of her husband and children and find a way to the ultimate forgiveness. Sarah then tells the tale of Zhumbee, a prince in East Africa at the time of Jesus. Zhumbee's grandmother takes the prince on a journey to meet this mysterious prophet whose words he holds in his heart as he leads his city-state to its glory.

Suzy's journey takes the reader from the lush shores of Seattle to the deepest heart of Africa where humanity is said to have made its first appearance.

Literary Fiction > Visionary & Metaphysical > Past Lives > Adventure

Word count: 133,000 Pages: 411


Author note: Though one of the stories is set in the time of Jesus, this is a Spiritual, not a Christian book.

PROPOSED NEW BLURB:

Recently widowed and trying to cope with the struggling import business she and her husband grew together, Suzy travels the world to find unique product for the store – and clarity for herself.

Suzy’s story is told from the perspective of her soul, who takes us on three memorable journeys into ancient past lives which have contributed to her unique character…

Literary Fiction > Visionary & Metaphysical > Past Lives > Adventure

Word count: 133,000 Pages: 411

Thanks!

Trying to save the struggling import business that she and her husband built together, recently-widowed Suzy travels the world seeking unique products to sell. Will she discover, instead, the qualities and quirks that make herself unique?

The Storyteller in this novel is Suzy’s Soul, a lively narrator ready to guide you through three of Suzy's past lives -- a journey spanning several centuries. As you travel along, you'll watch Suzy evolve, becoming the person she is today -- and you'll also see hints of the person she's yet to be.

If you enjoy spiritual journeys and traveling through time in an armchair, this is the novel for you. With Suzy and her Soul as companions, The Storyteller promises to be the trip of not just one, but many lifetimes.

Thanks, Patricia! Looks pretty good...

Right, what Sierra says, except rewrite it in your own voice, sentences with fewer subsidiary clauses.

That's the good stuff, Sierra. Ever think of working in advertising. Good pay, six-martini lunches (with wine, of course), perks up the kazoo, jet of your own while still in your middle twenties.

All those years I spent in advertising were years of conspicuous consumption. I remember one business dinner when several of us were at a particularly expensive restaurant. We ordered every appetizer on the menu (a very long list) plus a variety of wines and other potent drinks. By the time the main course arrived, no one was hungry but many were drunk. I'll always remember those appetizers because there must have been at least four -- no two alike -- for every person at the table. I pity the client who got billed for that.

The ad man I was engaged to wasn't in his twenties, but he did have a jet.

Andre Jute wrote: "Right, what Sierra says, except rewrite it in your own voice, sentences with fewer subsidiary clauses..."

Yeah, of course, duh, thanks. I was thinking great copy but not quite there. But it is there (and right on the money as if Patricia had read the book - brilliant!), it's just not quite the phrasing I would use.

If I can tear myself away from packing tomorrow (I'm a bit anal about that, gotta give myself at least two days before I leave, cause y'know,I might forget something - as if I couldn't just pick up whatever that might be where I'm going, which won't happen anyway, because as I said I'm a bit anal). Where was I? Oh, yeah, I hope I can find some time to have a good look at the copy tomorrow and come up with something that will do at least in the interim until I can find some quiet time to fine-tune it.

Patricia wrote: The ad man I was engaged to wasn't in his twenties, but he did have a jet.

Careful now, that was good full-bodied red wine I just about spit all over my keyboard...

He really did have a jet, but I never saw it. We flew commercial because his jet was always rented out via his executive jet rental company -- and he wasn't a pilot (small detail, that, though he did make my heart fly).

Where is it you're going and how long will you be gone?

Off to Ozz for a bit over seven weeks, to visit my dd and her family. Haven't seen the grandkiddies in three years...

You're still going to visit us, aren't you?

Whereabouts in Oz will you be, Sharon? I'm in the best bit - the West.

Patricia, you won't be able to get rid of me that easily. Bringing my laptop and iphone. I'd miss y'all too much...

Katie, I will be on the Mornington peninsula south of Melbourne, no more than 20 k wide in any one spot, quiet bay on dd side, crashing surf waves on the other. Wineries in between. Delightful fairy penguins at the tip. Heaven...

I've only been in the East, several glorious months long before dd moved downunder, in Queensland, and a similar visit to this one over Christmas 3 years ago. Farthest west we got was Adelaide, a city I could live in, via spectacular Great Ocean Road. Would love to visit the West, Perth I understand is glorious and I don't mind hot, loved Queensland. Not to be this time I don't think, dd and family not much for travelling despite them uprooting and taking my grandbabies out of my arms. I have one week where I will be alone while the family has a houseboat vacation but I will be dog-sitting (I'm sure that d*m dog will adore me as they all do, and want to sleep with me. Not!), so won't venture too far I guess.

Thought about moving there a few years ago, but Vancouver (and my big family & close friends) calls me, perfect would be 6 months there, 2 travelling far and wide shoulder season and 4 here. Gotta sell a lot of books for that to happen, grin...

I'm the opposite of you. Haven't left my house in three days and don't know when I will again. Anchored in place.

Heavy rain and hailstorms have kept me inside. One started as I wheeled my bike out. I swear, the sky was clear a minute before, when I checked before putting on my shoes.

We're having a touch of snow. A friend who works in retailing told me it's bringing out the shoppers. Can't even move on the major highway that runs past his store.

Sharon, you'd love Perth. It's a large country town compared to most cities. I haven't been to the Mornington Peninsular. I have been to Melbourne and hated it, but I'm a country gal.

It must be hard having your daughter and grandchildren so far away. I hope you have a fantastic time.

I liked Melbourne just fine. I used to walk from St Vincent Place in Albert to work in the city, and one the way I would met sunshine hot enough to take off my jacket, sleet, snow and the sunshine again, ditto.

But my favourite Australian city is Adelaide. I used to live in Norwood, just on the far side of the green belt surrounding the centre of the city, and walk to college and parliament house and the festival centre and the state library, all the places I worked. Adelaide is small enough to be very comfortable indeed but big enough to have two of the great restaurants of the world (Swains, Mama's up the Barossa, great for tabbies), an arts festival to rival Edinburgh, and a market full of Greeks and Italian and Germans so that you can buy decent bread.

Home is where the heart is.

It is hard, Katie, but we have Skype and the phone and we manage ~ until we just can't stand it anymore and must make the trek. No great hardship, of course, I so love Australia, the weather, the people, the space, the water, the.... well, what's not to like?

Andre I must make note of those restaurants in Adelaide. In has the same kind of feel for me of Vancouver with less density and more of the type of architecture I adore. I used to think if I moved to Ozz I would settle there, and 'commute' to Melbourne to visit the kids. But really, the Mornington Peninsula is a little piece of heaven, and besides I've pretty much decided I need to have my summer in Canada.

My heart is big enough to have several homes...

It's the travel I can't stand.

I surely hope those restaurants are still there...

Hmm - back to the blurb, shorter is better.

Travel, I don't know if I like it or not. There are places I'd like to see, but leaving the farm isn't a good idea. The old mare tends to self-mutiliate if I'm not around to keep an eye on her.

Thanks, Kat, I'm gonna try to deal with the blurb while in Ozz. Haven't seen dd's new house but there is a pre-existing in-law suite there (how convenient, lol) so should have a bit of me-time space. Plus all except dd are late-risers while I am an annoyingly perky early riser.

Travel is not for everyone. My brother was going on a cruise of the Baltics this summer and I asked my dsil if she was getting excited. Was shocked when she said not really, she didn't especially like travelling. I always thought the reason they didn't travel was because the two of them were workaholics (ditto I thought the reason she did not join db on golfing trips was she's not a golfer - should really get to know them better, grin).

And said Aussie dd does not like travel much either but has to for her work, which takes her to exotic plces like Reykjavik.

Your situation is the perfect reason I do not 'own' pets.

Sharon wrote: "Haven't seen dd's new house but there is a pre-existing in-law suite there (how convenient, lol)"

We're not so politically correct here, Sharon. It's called a "Granny Flat". :)

LOL.

I lived in Australia in the days of the Cultural Cringe, and if you mentioned anything as pooftah as "an in-law suite" back then, Bruce the Loutish Lad was likely to break your jaw without further notice.

I always assumed, probably rightly, that anyone called Bruce had a closer acquaintanceship with sheep than was natural. It isn't true that I was the first to use the F-word on Austtralian television -- I was merely the first in prime time, and quite legitimately, in an academic discussion of foul language on TV where, as panelist said in rising outraged tones, "People's mothers can hear it!"

Unfortunately people's mothers can hear it and read it everywhere now. A young man I know recently announced to all and sundry that he had "got the f*** into the course" he was trying to get into. I wasn't quite sure how he thought it enhanced the sentence, but that's normal these days.