Ask the Author: Cheryl Strayed
Answered Questions (14)
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Cammie,
I was heartbroken! But of course on any journey there are disappointments and detours. I got to hike all of Oregon because I had to miss the high Sierra section of the trail. Yosemite is beautiful! You are so lucky to have grown up there.
Best,
Cheryl
I was heartbroken! But of course on any journey there are disappointments and detours. I got to hike all of Oregon because I had to miss the high Sierra section of the trail. Yosemite is beautiful! You are so lucky to have grown up there.
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Ginger,
Yes, I've carried that tradition forward. My mom is with me and in me in every way, but especially in my love for my children.
Best,
Cheryl
Yes, I've carried that tradition forward. My mom is with me and in me in every way, but especially in my love for my children.
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Michele,
I've mentored (and do still mentor) many writers. I teach writing workshops on a sporadic but regular basis (check out the workshops page of my web site). Good luck with your writing!
Best,
Cheryl
I've mentored (and do still mentor) many writers. I teach writing workshops on a sporadic but regular basis (check out the workshops page of my web site). Good luck with your writing!
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Oh my goodness, Kelly, yes! I so relate to your question. I've decided to not even try to apply the word "balance" to my life. There is no balance! I don't aspire to it anymore. I aspire to do the best I can do in every realm and forgive myself when I fail at doing well. You are in the very thick of it right now, with two toddlers. My kids were toddlers when I wrote WILD and honestly I have no idea how I did it. I look back and it's a blur. I wrote when they napped. I wrote after they went to bed (and I made SURE they were in bed by 7:30 every night). I wrote a few days a week for a few hours at a time when they went to nursery school or they had a sitter. But I always felt stretched and tired and like I wasn't doing enough as either a writer or a mom. So you have my sympathy.
My advice? Find time to meet your own needs, even if you can only meet them a little bit. No one will be happy if you are miserable. You can be a great mom and still take time away from your children. There are all sorts of ways to do this but the FIRST way is to decide it must be done. Once you make yourself part of the equation, you will find a way to make it happen. My kids are 10 and 11 now and they are far more independent these days. They still need me lots but it gets easier to complete a thought. So hang on. Do your best. You'll all be better for it.
Best,
Cheryl
My advice? Find time to meet your own needs, even if you can only meet them a little bit. No one will be happy if you are miserable. You can be a great mom and still take time away from your children. There are all sorts of ways to do this but the FIRST way is to decide it must be done. Once you make yourself part of the equation, you will find a way to make it happen. My kids are 10 and 11 now and they are far more independent these days. They still need me lots but it gets easier to complete a thought. So hang on. Do your best. You'll all be better for it.
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Thank you, Cindy! That was the second essay I ever wrote. I wrote it over the course of a very intense week or two in November of 2000, when I was a graduate student at Syracuse University. My husband was out of town so I was alone for days in my house, writing and rewriting that essay. I shed so many tears writing it and I learned a lot too. I appreciate you reading it.
Cheryl Strayed
Dear James,
I'm so sorry you lost your mom so young. I know how very hard that is. I just answered a question that Bethany asked a few minutes ago and my answer to her might be helpful to you as well. You will always be lonely for your mom. You will always love her and wish she were with you. The way I've learned how to live with those sad feelings is to bring love into the world. I try to put all of my grief into creating beauty through my writing, and through my friendships and the love I give my husband and children. Think about what your mother gave you in her life and try your best to give that same thing to others in your own life. It's the deepest way to honor her and to bring joy into your heart. I wish you luck. Thank you for reading my books.
Yours,
Cheryl
I'm so sorry you lost your mom so young. I know how very hard that is. I just answered a question that Bethany asked a few minutes ago and my answer to her might be helpful to you as well. You will always be lonely for your mom. You will always love her and wish she were with you. The way I've learned how to live with those sad feelings is to bring love into the world. I try to put all of my grief into creating beauty through my writing, and through my friendships and the love I give my husband and children. Think about what your mother gave you in her life and try your best to give that same thing to others in your own life. It's the deepest way to honor her and to bring joy into your heart. I wish you luck. Thank you for reading my books.
Yours,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Bethany,
The biggest revelation to me--the one that consoled me the most deeply--was the fact that I would never "get over" my mother's death. It would always be sad. Her absence in my life would always be a loss. When I accepted those truths a whole world of understanding opened up inside of me. I could see that suffering and joy were not mutually exclusive emotions. I could have a happy, good life even while also grieving my mother. This acceptance made room for both my loss and my life. It sounds like such a simple thing, but this acceptance was very complex for me. It took me a while to understand that I could accept my mom's death and not move on from it but rather carry it with me in ways that were filled with love and light rather than sorrow and destruction.
Sending you my best,
Cheryl
The biggest revelation to me--the one that consoled me the most deeply--was the fact that I would never "get over" my mother's death. It would always be sad. Her absence in my life would always be a loss. When I accepted those truths a whole world of understanding opened up inside of me. I could see that suffering and joy were not mutually exclusive emotions. I could have a happy, good life even while also grieving my mother. This acceptance made room for both my loss and my life. It sounds like such a simple thing, but this acceptance was very complex for me. It took me a while to understand that I could accept my mom's death and not move on from it but rather carry it with me in ways that were filled with love and light rather than sorrow and destruction.
Sending you my best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Jenny,
I think that couples who have a child or children might want to work especially hard to stay together if that's possible, since they won't be the only people impacted by a breakup, but my observation is that couples who stay together only because they believe it's best for the kids end up making the kids rather miserable over time. Children generally know when their parents are unhappy and couples who really don't love/like each other are modeling some pretty nasty stuff for their children when it comes to having honest and nurturing relationships. Of course even happy couples have hard times, struggles, disagreements, etc, but my sense is that if you really don't want to be partnered with someone you should not be partnered with them, even if your un-partnering means disappointing your children. Better to co-parent as individuals with kindness and love than stick it out as a couple with resentment and rage.
Having said all of that, this is such a case-by-case personal question. There is no one answer that fits all.
Best,
Cheryl
I think that couples who have a child or children might want to work especially hard to stay together if that's possible, since they won't be the only people impacted by a breakup, but my observation is that couples who stay together only because they believe it's best for the kids end up making the kids rather miserable over time. Children generally know when their parents are unhappy and couples who really don't love/like each other are modeling some pretty nasty stuff for their children when it comes to having honest and nurturing relationships. Of course even happy couples have hard times, struggles, disagreements, etc, but my sense is that if you really don't want to be partnered with someone you should not be partnered with them, even if your un-partnering means disappointing your children. Better to co-parent as individuals with kindness and love than stick it out as a couple with resentment and rage.
Having said all of that, this is such a case-by-case personal question. There is no one answer that fits all.
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Carl,
I'm so glad Wild inspired you to go backpacking! I have had some wonderful mentors. The first one is Paulette Bates Alden, who was my teacher at the University of Minnesota when I was an undergraduate. She was enormously kind to me and also she challenged me to be a better writer. My other mentors were my spectacular professors at Syracuse University, where I got my MFA in fiction writing: George Saunders, Arthur Flowers and Mary Caponegro were all so important to my development as a writer.
And yes, I go back into the wild as often as possible! It's the best place to be.
Yours,
Cheryl
I'm so glad Wild inspired you to go backpacking! I have had some wonderful mentors. The first one is Paulette Bates Alden, who was my teacher at the University of Minnesota when I was an undergraduate. She was enormously kind to me and also she challenged me to be a better writer. My other mentors were my spectacular professors at Syracuse University, where I got my MFA in fiction writing: George Saunders, Arthur Flowers and Mary Caponegro were all so important to my development as a writer.
And yes, I go back into the wild as often as possible! It's the best place to be.
Yours,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Jacqueline,
Your question makes me laugh! It's the number one question I'm asked about Wild. I'm happy to report that my feet recovered entirely. I have all ten toenails now!
Best,
Cheryl
Your question makes me laugh! It's the number one question I'm asked about Wild. I'm happy to report that my feet recovered entirely. I have all ten toenails now!
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Dear Sarah,
It does get less intense. That doesn't mean I'm less sad about it, but the experience of living each day without my mom becomes more familiar. I love my mom so much. The amount that I love her cannot be expressed fully. I miss her every single breath of my life, but taking those breaths without her has become easier over time. I know how to carry her love into my life and that has been an enormous consolation. Thank you for your question. Have you lost a loved one?
Yours,
Cheryl
It does get less intense. That doesn't mean I'm less sad about it, but the experience of living each day without my mom becomes more familiar. I love my mom so much. The amount that I love her cannot be expressed fully. I miss her every single breath of my life, but taking those breaths without her has become easier over time. I know how to carry her love into my life and that has been an enormous consolation. Thank you for your question. Have you lost a loved one?
Yours,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Richard,
Good question! I haven't thought about the possibility that it will be an audio book. If there's an audio version, I'd love to do it. I narrated both Torch and Tiny Beautiful Things and I enjoyed the experience. Have you listened to them?
Yours,
Cheryl
Good question! I haven't thought about the possibility that it will be an audio book. If there's an audio version, I'd love to do it. I narrated both Torch and Tiny Beautiful Things and I enjoyed the experience. Have you listened to them?
Yours,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Thank you, Linda! That is so kind. Writing the Dear Sugar columns was a revelatory experience for me. I never imagined I'd write an advice column. I think that I explored and expressed so much in those columns and I reached a point where I felt like I'd said everything I have to say in that vein, which is the reason I shifted to doing Dear Sugar as a podcast instead. (If you're not aware of it, you can find the show on iTunes or on wbur.org. It's called Dear Sugar Radio.) Having said that, one never knows what's ahead, so perhaps I will write more Dear Sugar in the future. Thanks for reading my work!
Best,
Cheryl
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Brandy,
Thanks for the question. My general approach is to begin writing based on vague ideas. Once I've written a bit I try to collect my thoughts about the trajectory of the story, but I outline in only the most rough fashion. There's no one "right" way to write a book, so I encourage people to do what works best for them. I have found that a very general outline can help me organize my thoughts, but so much of my best writing happens when I don't plan it out and when I simply write to find out what I have to write.
Warmly,
Cheryl
Thanks for the question. My general approach is to begin writing based on vague ideas. Once I've written a bit I try to collect my thoughts about the trajectory of the story, but I outline in only the most rough fashion. There's no one "right" way to write a book, so I encourage people to do what works best for them. I have found that a very general outline can help me organize my thoughts, but so much of my best writing happens when I don't plan it out and when I simply write to find out what I have to write.
Warmly,
Cheryl
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