Jenny Wells
asked
Cheryl Strayed:
What are you thoughts when people say they are staying together for the kids? Do you feel there's ever a time when kids, even as adults, should or could get over their parents' divorce?
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Jenny,
I think that couples who have a child or children might want to work especially hard to stay together if that's possible, since they won't be the only people impacted by a breakup, but my observation is that couples who stay together only because they believe it's best for the kids end up making the kids rather miserable over time. Children generally know when their parents are unhappy and couples who really don't love/like each other are modeling some pretty nasty stuff for their children when it comes to having honest and nurturing relationships. Of course even happy couples have hard times, struggles, disagreements, etc, but my sense is that if you really don't want to be partnered with someone you should not be partnered with them, even if your un-partnering means disappointing your children. Better to co-parent as individuals with kindness and love than stick it out as a couple with resentment and rage.
Having said all of that, this is such a case-by-case personal question. There is no one answer that fits all.
Best,
Cheryl
I think that couples who have a child or children might want to work especially hard to stay together if that's possible, since they won't be the only people impacted by a breakup, but my observation is that couples who stay together only because they believe it's best for the kids end up making the kids rather miserable over time. Children generally know when their parents are unhappy and couples who really don't love/like each other are modeling some pretty nasty stuff for their children when it comes to having honest and nurturing relationships. Of course even happy couples have hard times, struggles, disagreements, etc, but my sense is that if you really don't want to be partnered with someone you should not be partnered with them, even if your un-partnering means disappointing your children. Better to co-parent as individuals with kindness and love than stick it out as a couple with resentment and rage.
Having said all of that, this is such a case-by-case personal question. There is no one answer that fits all.
Best,
Cheryl
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Oct 26, 2015 10:30AM · flag
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