Jan Marquart's Blog - Posts Tagged "relationships"
Daughters and their mothers
I am fascinated by the daughter/mother relationship. My mother died in 1984 so, you might speculate, why am I so interested in this relationship in 2011? Because I have found that even though my mother died so many years ago, our relationship, or rather my relationship with her, still lives.
Strange-you might say. Trust me, the relationship is a powerful one. We were born out of her body, she is our role model as her daughter whether we decide to be like her or not to be like her. For daughters who have daughters they want to parent like their mothers or not like their mothers. Even daughters who were given away by their mothers or who never knew their mothers are impacted by this powerful figure.
I love telling the story about my friend Shirley. When I wrote Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters, www.createspace.com/3546083, I asked 100 women to fill out a questionnaire with only two questions on it. One was, how does your relationship with your mother impact your relationship with women and two, how does your relationship with your mother impact your relationship with men. Shirley wouldn't answer the questions because she thought, since her mother abandoned her at age 5, her mother wasn't relevant.
Years later she married a friend of mine and one day while we were having breakfast out on the peer watching the ocean, I told Shirley I loved her outfit. Shirley is a fantastic artist so colors are her things. Her husband mentioned that he picked out her outfit. Shocked, I asked why. He said since Shirley never had a mother to organize her clothing for school in the morning, she wanted him to do it. She said it would help her heal an old childhood wound.
I love that story not just because these are two very special people to me who love each other so much that they are willing to heal each other, but because it is a testament to the power of mothers.
Tell me your story. I love hearing how this relationship effects your life.
Strange-you might say. Trust me, the relationship is a powerful one. We were born out of her body, she is our role model as her daughter whether we decide to be like her or not to be like her. For daughters who have daughters they want to parent like their mothers or not like their mothers. Even daughters who were given away by their mothers or who never knew their mothers are impacted by this powerful figure.
I love telling the story about my friend Shirley. When I wrote Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters, www.createspace.com/3546083, I asked 100 women to fill out a questionnaire with only two questions on it. One was, how does your relationship with your mother impact your relationship with women and two, how does your relationship with your mother impact your relationship with men. Shirley wouldn't answer the questions because she thought, since her mother abandoned her at age 5, her mother wasn't relevant.
Years later she married a friend of mine and one day while we were having breakfast out on the peer watching the ocean, I told Shirley I loved her outfit. Shirley is a fantastic artist so colors are her things. Her husband mentioned that he picked out her outfit. Shocked, I asked why. He said since Shirley never had a mother to organize her clothing for school in the morning, she wanted him to do it. She said it would help her heal an old childhood wound.
I love that story not just because these are two very special people to me who love each other so much that they are willing to heal each other, but because it is a testament to the power of mothers.
Tell me your story. I love hearing how this relationship effects your life.
A good Life
Are we too busy these days texting and taking messages on our cell phones at all times of day and night to listen to what is going on inside our souls?
Having been a philosophy major and worked with people in the counseling field I realized one important thing: people live by their philosophies. That means that how and what they believe about their world, relationships, internal pain, life struggles and the other myriad issues of daily life reflect how they will go on living. I find this fascinating.
Why is this so fascinating? Because with all the talking we are doing all day long I haven't heard one person speak about how to live a better life. I haven't heard one person speak about right relationships, how to have them or how to develop spiritually so their relationships improve. This disturbs me as I hope it disturbs you. The TV news is replete with dysfunctional behavior, hate, war and tragedy that could have been avoided if a little more thought about a philosophy of right relationship had taken place. We are quick to stay angry and let anger build but what about forgiveness and collaboration?
This worries me and when I listen to the political debates I get nervous about the rhetoric that our young people are now absorbing as a way to connect with others in presenting their opinions and taking a stand in life.
I have devoted my life to wellness and am personally always working on this issue or that. I'm not talking about perfection. I'm simply speaking about developing a moral position so my own life is always steadfast, kind, and loving. Spiritual development is crucial to having a meaningful life. Certainly relationships are the most difficult things to do mostly because we have absolutely no control of the other person. Our only control resides in how we want to handle a troubling situation so we can sleep at night in peace.
In my book The Basket Weaver, www.createspace.com/3553668 I wrote passionately, not just to write an entertaining story, but to sort out and find ways to heal a thirty-year troubling relationship that was eating me up. Although the maxim is: it takes two to tango- what do you do when only one wants to heal the wound, whatever that might me?
For me the answer was to go inward, pick up my pen and study what forgiveness would look like, what getting on with my life might look like, what healing the ache in my heart might look like. And I must say, that after The Basket Weaver was completed, I felt whole and saved from the wound that was at one time getting deeper and deeper. Now I don't think about it. I truly feel healed and resolved and it is a feeling like no other one I know.
So the therapist and writer in me emerged on the page and I pray with all my heart that somehow I not only helped myself with this novel (although it is really a creative non-fiction because 95% of it is true)but that I can offer this blessing to you to help you re-think a relationship that has had you wrapped in pain for too long.
I welcome any comments about this book.
Until next time,
Jan
Having been a philosophy major and worked with people in the counseling field I realized one important thing: people live by their philosophies. That means that how and what they believe about their world, relationships, internal pain, life struggles and the other myriad issues of daily life reflect how they will go on living. I find this fascinating.
Why is this so fascinating? Because with all the talking we are doing all day long I haven't heard one person speak about how to live a better life. I haven't heard one person speak about right relationships, how to have them or how to develop spiritually so their relationships improve. This disturbs me as I hope it disturbs you. The TV news is replete with dysfunctional behavior, hate, war and tragedy that could have been avoided if a little more thought about a philosophy of right relationship had taken place. We are quick to stay angry and let anger build but what about forgiveness and collaboration?
This worries me and when I listen to the political debates I get nervous about the rhetoric that our young people are now absorbing as a way to connect with others in presenting their opinions and taking a stand in life.
I have devoted my life to wellness and am personally always working on this issue or that. I'm not talking about perfection. I'm simply speaking about developing a moral position so my own life is always steadfast, kind, and loving. Spiritual development is crucial to having a meaningful life. Certainly relationships are the most difficult things to do mostly because we have absolutely no control of the other person. Our only control resides in how we want to handle a troubling situation so we can sleep at night in peace.
In my book The Basket Weaver, www.createspace.com/3553668 I wrote passionately, not just to write an entertaining story, but to sort out and find ways to heal a thirty-year troubling relationship that was eating me up. Although the maxim is: it takes two to tango- what do you do when only one wants to heal the wound, whatever that might me?
For me the answer was to go inward, pick up my pen and study what forgiveness would look like, what getting on with my life might look like, what healing the ache in my heart might look like. And I must say, that after The Basket Weaver was completed, I felt whole and saved from the wound that was at one time getting deeper and deeper. Now I don't think about it. I truly feel healed and resolved and it is a feeling like no other one I know.
So the therapist and writer in me emerged on the page and I pray with all my heart that somehow I not only helped myself with this novel (although it is really a creative non-fiction because 95% of it is true)but that I can offer this blessing to you to help you re-think a relationship that has had you wrapped in pain for too long.
I welcome any comments about this book.
Until next time,
Jan
