Randy Siegel's Blog - Posts Tagged "passion"
Fan the Fire Within!
Princess Dianna exuded it; Prince Charles does not. Bill Clinton has it; Hilary has less. Jack Kennedy had it and so did Jackie. Call it life force, ju-ju, positive energy, spirit, spark, sparkle, fire, or passion; there’s an energy within us that when allowed to freely run through us makes us charismatic.
Some believe all of us have natural charisma, but we dampen it when we are afraid of being hurt. Being that open feels too vulnerable and scary. Here are six barriers to charisma. See if you recognize any.
One: We fail to put our focus and attention on the other person. Charismatic people have the ability to communicate with a person as if he or she was the only one in the room. Someone asked Queen Victoria once whether she preferred the company of Benjamin Disraeli or William Gladstone. She answered that when she dined with Gladstone she felt he was the most interesting man in England, but when she ate with Disraeli she felt she was the most interesting person in the world. Like Disraeli, we can put our egos aside and focus on the other person.
Two: We try to control others’ behaviors instead of our reaction to their behavior. When I try to control someone else, I cut off the flow. But when I focus on my reaction to their behavior, I remain more open because I can manage my reaction far easier than control what someone does or doesn’t do.
Three: We assume. Too often, we assume we know what others are thinking or how they may behave. It’s best to put assumptions aside and view every person and every situation with fresh eyes. Be curious, ask, and give charisma the space it needs to flow.
Four: We fail to see that bad behavior is often nothing more than a cry for love. Once we understand this, compassion comes. I’ve been a mentor to several boys in foster care. I’ve learned that the closer they get to finding a “forever home,” a family who wishes to adopt them, the more they act out. These boys are testing their new family to ensure they won’t abandon them if things get tough.
Five: We hold grudges. Few things block the flow of energy more than holding a grudge. Even if we can’t forgive another in the moment, we can set the intention that in the future we’ll forgive and release the resentment.
Six: We fail to give people the benefit of the doubt and look for their best. All of us are intuitive; we know if someone likes and respects us. Charismatic people help us to feel good about ourselves. F. Scott Fitzgerald is reported to have once said that the greatest gift you can give anyone is to see him or her exactly as he (or she) wishes to be seen.
Removing these barriers may not make you a charismatic person, but it’s an important start. I am learning that charisma is caused not so much by what we do, or don’t do, as much as our intentions. When we’re able to relax our defenses and place other’s interests first we invite charisma into our lives.
Some believe all of us have natural charisma, but we dampen it when we are afraid of being hurt. Being that open feels too vulnerable and scary. Here are six barriers to charisma. See if you recognize any.
One: We fail to put our focus and attention on the other person. Charismatic people have the ability to communicate with a person as if he or she was the only one in the room. Someone asked Queen Victoria once whether she preferred the company of Benjamin Disraeli or William Gladstone. She answered that when she dined with Gladstone she felt he was the most interesting man in England, but when she ate with Disraeli she felt she was the most interesting person in the world. Like Disraeli, we can put our egos aside and focus on the other person.
Two: We try to control others’ behaviors instead of our reaction to their behavior. When I try to control someone else, I cut off the flow. But when I focus on my reaction to their behavior, I remain more open because I can manage my reaction far easier than control what someone does or doesn’t do.
Three: We assume. Too often, we assume we know what others are thinking or how they may behave. It’s best to put assumptions aside and view every person and every situation with fresh eyes. Be curious, ask, and give charisma the space it needs to flow.
Four: We fail to see that bad behavior is often nothing more than a cry for love. Once we understand this, compassion comes. I’ve been a mentor to several boys in foster care. I’ve learned that the closer they get to finding a “forever home,” a family who wishes to adopt them, the more they act out. These boys are testing their new family to ensure they won’t abandon them if things get tough.
Five: We hold grudges. Few things block the flow of energy more than holding a grudge. Even if we can’t forgive another in the moment, we can set the intention that in the future we’ll forgive and release the resentment.
Six: We fail to give people the benefit of the doubt and look for their best. All of us are intuitive; we know if someone likes and respects us. Charismatic people help us to feel good about ourselves. F. Scott Fitzgerald is reported to have once said that the greatest gift you can give anyone is to see him or her exactly as he (or she) wishes to be seen.
Removing these barriers may not make you a charismatic person, but it’s an important start. I am learning that charisma is caused not so much by what we do, or don’t do, as much as our intentions. When we’re able to relax our defenses and place other’s interests first we invite charisma into our lives.
