Jessica Shepherd's Blog, page 26

Saturn in Sagittarius is square Neptune through November 2015 (this will be exact November 21-30, but we’re feeling the effects already).

As Saturn lines up for a square with Neptune this month, there’s a sense of needing to integrate our spiritual worldview (Pisces) with our core beliefs about it (Sagittarius). With endless shenanigans (Donald Trump, for instance) and real suffering (the Syrian refugees crisis, etc.) co-existing side-by-side in the world, life can all but seem surreal. Horrors happen in a corner of the world every day, in our own life, atrocities and suffering sometimes so harsh that we cannot imagine living another day…yet our stomach still grumbles for food, and the beauty of a rainstorm still moves us. Life is an absurdist art piece. How weird. How to make sense of it? Moreso, how can we make sense of the absurd, confounding and suffersome situations in our own life?

All the World’s a Stage

Shakespeare once said: All the world’s a stage. As Saturn conjuncts my natal Neptune, and Neptune squares it, I have chosen to take wise phrase this as a literal fact. Life is all illusion; life is a movie. And from my studies about Life Between Lives regressions (LBL), we actually do sit in a screening room before we come into the world. We choose a body (costume), the key relationships we’re involved with (supporting cast), a place and time to incarnate (the set), all in order to grow our soul. We even get to watch snippets of our future incarnation, deciding, with help, on the best set of circumstances specific to the growth we want to undertake. In the screening room for the movie of our life, there’s only free will, nothing but choice. We choose everything. But before we’re dropped down into the role of our lifetime, we forget what we’re trying to learn. Our lessons are concealed from us so we can achieve maximum growth.

The Search for Understanding

The forgetting part is the thing I, and many people I’ve worked with over the years, don’t like. We want to know the purpose and meaning behind everything. “Why is this happening?” “Why can’t I get to the bottom of this?” “I know this must be a lesson, but…*&%$…insert expletive here”. These questions can lead The Seeker, inside, on a lovely pilgrimage to destinations unknown. It can also be a real soul-suck, a way of staying stuck. Don’t get me wrong, as a ninth house Sun person, I’m a born seeker; I love resting in the big picture, asking big questions, searching for meaning. But have you ever looked at the Sun so long that you start seeing black squiggly things, get dizzy, confused and lose all sense of reality and perception?

If the meaning and purpose of the obstacles we have in our life aren’t usually obvious, maybe they aren’t meant to be. Maybe we’re not meant to know the answers, or even to understand. If we did, we wouldn’t get the growth experiences we need. Imagine Helen Keller, a woman who was born blind and deaf, asking “God, What is the meaning of this?” all the time. Would that have gotten her where she needed to go? Instead she worked within her limitations. Instead of looking for the big Answer, she looked for the little answers, ways she could learn to live with her limits. She innovated. She persisted. She problem solved. She looked to the people around her, and her environment for help. I’ve faith that her soul arrived in the next world, triumphant. I also imagine she probably never understood the purpose of her lifetime as a blind and deaf person until she arrived there.

What Do You Believe?

If there’s one thing that connects us all it’s that each of us have limitations that we feel hold us back from greater possibilities. Sagittarius holds our faith, our ability to envision “a bigger picture”, to step back and draw patterns from our experience and make sense of it. Saturn in Sagittarius can present a blockage to these same things, as well as the importance of trying to reach some level of faith and philosophical wisdom about our world, our life and its conditions. Saturn in Sagittarius makes this idea of undertaking the quest for meaning, and having a philosophical worldview worth having, timely and important, but also potentially fraught with difficulty. For instance, questioning, and searching for meaning and purpose can be a huge distraction in and of itself- by taking us out of problem solving, and the present moment, where real change can occur. Remember: Helen. What if she continually focused on the “why” instead of the “how”?

Meanwhile, Neptune in Pisces churns out illusion, chaos, disconnection and reconnection… we forget our self, remember, and then forget again. Noting Neptune’s tendency to focus on the wrong things while totally missing the boat about what can and probably should be changed, the danger of this square might be: Believing in the wrong story. But the promise of this square could be a more durable container (Saturn) for a more inclusive consciousness of reality to emerge (Neptune).

Forming a More Reliable Version of Reality

How important is it for you to have a worldview? What do you believe about the world, and about yourself? Can you see that: The assumptions and core beliefs you keep replaying, frames your experience entirely? We all form assumptions. For instance, it’s hard to see evil committed by someone with money, over and over, without deciding “power corrupts”… but if we form that core belief it can limit our possibilities. And one person’s beliefs will be different from another’s.  Imagine your mother was afraid of spiders and, as a child, you observed her freak out when she saw them. Now every time you see spiders your heart races and you get anxious. Conscious or not, your core belief is “spiders are dangerous.” We all have such distortions. We live them every day.

Our world is filled with ravishing beauty, prosperity, love; devastation, abuse and poverty. Do you hold a worldview that can cut through illusion? Would having one give you more freedom and happiness? As I work on healing my own trauma, and helping others, “all the world’s a stage” helps me to hold space for the higher self to offer something truthful, real and helpful. It also takes the edge off all the difficult, sometimes horrible, trauma we endure. Because while scary-difficult things happen in life, it’s rarely for the reason we think. Re-framing such things can be revelatory and life changing.

All astrological aspects offer a chance to become more conscious. Reality is a very convincing, and persistent, illusion. As an experiment, try repeating this phrase the next time you read the newspaper, or start to buy into your problems. You may laugh, cry, or even see “You’re a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust…What’s there to be afraid of?”

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art: Matrix and Enigma by Michael Cheval

Pluto in Capricorn squaring my Aries Moon has brought a deep plunge into unconscious material I’ve been carrying around for years. It’s been gritty and tough and it has pushed me to acquire new healing tools. For the past 18 months or so, similar to a shaman, I have been regularly dipping into what we in the EFT (emotional freedom technique) universe call “The Matrix”, emotionally releasing highly charged trauma episodes and re-imprinting a new reality for my younger self by giving her the resources, support, truth and wisdom she lacked. Imagine re-writing the script of your worst nightmare, how joyous and liberating it would feel to finally get what you most needed.

It’s pretty magical, but it’s not magic. Part of it is about tapping on energy meridians to simply acknowledge and allow the emotions to flow and release- kind of like crying but without tears. But it goes deeper, and here’s where it gets interesting: You discover it’s not the trauma itself that leaves a scar, but the belief you formed as a result of the trauma and how you keep replaying it in your life, in a law of attraction kind of way. Even if you were physically, verbally or emotionally violated, that violation was over the moment after it occurred, it’s the core beliefs you form that haunt you. It’s the core belief about life and your self, not remembering the event (the bankruptcy, tragedy, loss, heartbreak) that perpetuates suffering. For instance, I have a chronic illness. Often this is a neutral fact, but other times I feel disempowered and victimized by the symptoms (a problem for many with chronic conditions), which is not consistent with today’s reality where I do feel quite empowered in my daily life. I’ve come to understand that when I go down the rabbit hole what is actually happening is that I am being taken over by a younger self, who formed a belief, and now her reality is overtaking mine. I’m literally possessed by a ghost. There’s no better way to describe it (here’s an example of the technique).

The seasonal Scorpio Sun presents a rich, dappling interplay of dark and light; the shadows are starker, the quality of light somehow more poignant, despite being less available to us. The trees are losing their leaves. The rains are finally starting in California. We, too, are in a season of release and, eventual, renewal. Scorpio’s penetrating gaze has turned itself upon us humans: What can you let go of? Where are you tiring of compulsive patterns? What repressed material is surfacing, begging for attention? You may be aware that Saturn is in Sagittarius squaring Neptune in Pisces. Right now, doing inner work on belief systems and your worldview makes sense.

During Scorpio time the veils part between the visible and invisible worlds. The ghosts who visit us aren’t usually spooks, but spirit possessions of a different sort. Maybe we keep repeating a pattern and don’t know why. Perhaps we’re stuck and unable to move forward. Scorpio/Pluto has a flair for the dramatic. Boo! As adults, things that go bump in the night have less to do with haunted houses and more to do with scary stuff emerging from the unconscious.  Now’s the time to be humble and conscious about what erupts.

This Scorpio New Moon is sextile Jupiter in Virgo and trine Chiron in Pisces. Bold new beginnings are at hand, with great potential for healing and integration (Chiron) and opportunities to acquire new skills and levels of mastery (Jupiter). Scorpio’s “hidden resources” are waiting for you to claim them; look to the house in which this moon falls to activate new levels of empowerment. If what you’re attempting to do over the next month feels risky-scary, outside your comfort zone and a bit empowering, you’re probably on the right track. Scorpio season isn’t for wimps. Jupiter nudges us to reach a little higher, in this area, go a little deeper. And sometimes a little push is all we need.

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This summer’s Venus retrograde delivered much needed slow down time -to enjoy the bounty and beauty of summer, to get firmly reacquainted with pleasure again- which, for me, also coincided with diminished clients, and therefore less money. Like others who run their own business, I’ve learned to ride the cyclical nature of cash flow like a surfer waiting for the next wave. There’s no point in fighting it, falling into abject depression over lack, when the next wave will eventually come. I use down time to realign my energies so the money can find me again. It is called flow, after all.

So I gardened. Inspired by a trip to a local Victorian house, circa the Great Gatsby era, where I saw a moon garden worthy of F. Scott and Zelda, I had to attempt to replicate my own version. A moon garden of silvery greens and white blooms designed just so that when the full moon shines, the garden lights up the shimmery moonscape, setting everything aglow in a silver-white cast. It took a little cash to create, but not much. A tour from the master gardener of the house yielded gifts of succulents, volcanic rock, and bags fresh redwood chips. “Ask and you shall receive” is more than a motto for my second house Neptune. So is “have faith”. Along with: “Isn’t this an utterly impractical way to pay the bills?” Over the years I’ve learned to dial down the anxiety and just trust my intuition.

Because every Cancer truly needs both a moon garden sanctuary and the sweet gurgle of moving water throughout the day, we built a fountain, too, decorating it with sea glass and shells I’d retained from a trip to Baja several years ago. I relaxed deeply into a new daily routine of twinkling water at my every turn. And several days later, a funny thing happened -people suddenly wanted to pay me money for my services again. After two months of finding my flow at a very slow drip, my hands were busied, and not with dirt, flowers and fountain assemblages – but with new clients.

What happened? I asked Google. Google told me that, according to Feng Shui, I had added the most powerful symbol of prosperity and abundance, a fountain, to my home. Not only that, I had placed it in the north, next to the front door. North rules the career and life path sector… and the door, well, people and their money were now walking through it. Coincidence? Magic.

Money is often a source of fear, insecurity and craving for humans; so many people in this world hunger for things and opportunities money allows. Yet we are provided for in endlessly creative ways, and in my experience, the Universe rewards our attempts at co-creativity. It may take work, but not too much. Taurus Moon wrote the lazy (wo)man’s guide to happiness. If there were such a book it would certainly read: To have more of what you want and need, start with what you enjoy. It’s a Venusian credo, to be sure, but for those who successfully practice bliss, joy, relaxation, creativity, enchantment… it’s not wishful thinking, but thinking from a more intelligent place. It’s what I call thinking with your Venus. 

Taurus has special resonance with abundance, the natural world of our senses, and the animal longings of our bodies. Like animals, we are each unique in the particular comforts that bring pleasure. From a twinkling fountain, to biting into a cold, crisp autumn apple; from the smell of homemade caramel bubbling on the stove, to a deep kiss from a lover or a lick on the nose from a pup, right now we can relax into simple pleasures.

Taurus Full Moon heightens our love for pleasure, creature comforts and abundance. This can bring up our longing for material security –and its lack. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, try taking inventory what you do have (for instance, I had a swath of unused land). Then, from a perspective of abundance, ask: What can I do with the resources I already have? Fix that broken clock you’ve been meaning to fix. Get your oil changed. Polish your silver. Appreciate the satisfaction these small fixes bring. With Venus and Mars in Virgo already lining up for a rendezvous on November 2, the God and Goddess of Small Miracles are standing by. Co-conspire with them…then watch how your garden grows.

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One of the very first big presents I gave my husband was a surfboard. He wanted one really badly. Surfing was a point of contention in his first marriage. I knew this because, more than several times during those first few years, he bristled with defensiveness at the possibility of anyone (me) encroaching on his Saturday morning surf time. I reassured him that I supported his independence, and the hobby that I knew symbolized so much more than a hobby for him, but no matter how many times I said it, that old wound would resurface.

So I bought the surfboard, because surfing is a part of him in the same way solitude is part of me. I bought it because I wanted there to be no question that I loved and accepted all of him –not just the parts that I understood, agreed with and didn’t interfere with my weekend plans. I bought that surfboard because I wanted to see him smile, a smile as fantastic as the sunrise, and it just so happened that when I did we also got an added benefit: A clean slate. That old haunting apparition he had about not being supported for who he was, those strange ancient arguments that appeared out of nowhere and I never understood went up in smoke.

Luxurious gifts aren’t always necessary, or even practical, for restoring balance to a wobbly relationship dynamic, but I do believe my Libra Rising had honed in on a fundamental disharmony in our relationship and sought to restore it through giving what was lacking. Libra is the archetype of giving and receiving, of equality and balance. When two people (in business, friendship or love), are in sync with the flow of give and take, the relationship thrives, blossoms and blooms. When inequalities spring up like weeds, as they will eventually in any long- term relationship, one of us must do something about it.

This Libra New Moon initiates a season of harmonizing within, and with each other. Yin and yang, outflow and inflow, giving and receiving, rest and action, mind and heart, healing and being healed, nourishing and being nourished, the fundamental balance we feel, or lack thereof, governs our entire life, magnetizing and attracting experiences and people to us. Balance is the dynamic energy underlying everything. And balance is dynamic- never in stasis, always changing. The Scales may swing, sometimes wildly, but they always seek to return to center because the Libra Universe is just, fair and marvelously corrective.

Who knew a surfboard could bring my relationship back into harmony? For the longest time I thought that in order to change a persistent relationship problem I had to drag my husband into therapy and get him on the same page. It takes two, right? Wrong. More often it only takes one to shift the fulcrum. I was reminded of this when watching the delightful movie Grace of Monaco (yes, even princesses have big problems), which drove this point home: When we stop complaining about having our identity compromised, blaming, feeling misunderstood by our partner and instead take responsibility for our feelings and situation, one can move mountains for both. In the movie, Grace Kelly (who incidentally had Venus in Libra), stepped into the role of a lifetime when she let go of her old identity and embraced the roles and obligations every partnership entails. Likewise, every time I take the reins and step into the starring role of my-life-as-partner, a solution appears I can run with.

Libra New Moon is a good time to check in on the give and take of your relationships. Would giving or asking for something re-balance the Scales? It’s easier to complain about what we lack in a primary partnership than to ask for what we need and desire. “I do all the housework, cooking, cleaning, which I enjoy, though he doesn’t pitch in to help even when I ask for it,” said a client recently, “Then a few days ago I realised why I’m unhappy. I’m not receiving at the level I’m giving. I want to receive as much as I give.”  The balance of giving and receiving is as fundamental to relationship as sunshine is to life.

Where does this New Moon fall in your chart? Here, you are being given an opportunity to restore balance to your life.  Is there something you could give? Ask for? Receive? With spirited Uranus in Aries opposing this New Moon, our personal liberty is raised, our hackles up; you might want to take inventory of all that’s right and wonderful, first, to avoid throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Uranus wants us to look from a different angle, to breakthrough old patterns of relating. Meditate on the symbol of the Scales and see what comes up for you. Hold space for less tension, more mutuality, harmony, peace, fairness, appreciation, beauty, ease. Discover the magic every Libra knows: When you bring any one part of your life into balance, you gain spiritual congruence in the rest of your life. Then do what Libra loves most – kick back, relax, appreciate the beauty surrounding you. Enjoy watching your efforts to restore integrity come back to you tenfold.

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artwork: Two Baskets of Oranges by Ilya Zomb

Eclipses, with their otherworldly, wildcard natures, always attune me to the strange mysteries of the universe. For instance, the number 3. They say things -signs, omens, bad luck- happen in 3’s. You lose your keys, spill your coffee and are late for work. Or, a package you’ve long awaited for arrives, you find a twenty-dollar bill in the dryer, then you see a beautiful sunset. Numbers are magical that way. Three is also a number in pothole theory. Do you know it?

One day I am walking down the street. I fall into a pothole. Where did that come from? Not my fault!, I cry. I pull myself out. Another day, I’m walking down the street again and I fall into that same pothole. I get mad at myself.  Damn!  Why did I do that again? Maybe it’s karma or bad astrology… The third time I walk down the street, I see the pothole. I walk around it.

Pothole theory can be applied to multiple situations. I use it to remind myself that the old trigger won’t go away by wishing it away, or beating myself up over it, but that I can make new choices. Because the more vital it is to our soul growth, the more that offensive thing that most disrupts our peace won’t stop happening. It will chase us down and harass us to no end. That’s because there’s something we’re meant to learn here. That learning boils down to getting better at spotting our pothole, then choosing to do something different.

Mercury is retrograde in others-oriented Libra, giving us opportunities to revisit our relationship dynamics…and interpersonal demons. While in Libra, Mercury receives a square from Pluto, planet of power and disempowerment three times (9/9, 9/24, 10/22). In this cycle, interactions with others are showing where we can work on our shadow stuff. If we fall into that same old pothole, we may have the sensation we’re moving backwards -especially when the same old feelings accompany. Though, like Mercury’s apparent, but not actual, backward movement when viewed from Earth- that could be an illusion, too.

The first time I fell into my latest pothole, I was walking down the road minding my own business when, whoosh, I found myself in the pits.  Like a premonition or portent, I had an eerie feeling this would happen again. It did. The second time I felt even more outraged, violated and creeped out by another’s behavior. Sure, it was a different day and face, but the same old familiar pothole. Oh…here we go again, I thought, as the well worn grooves of neural pathways ever-ready to reflexively fire up like a pinball machine, did. However, there was a key difference. Once I recognised the transgression, which I did pretty immediately (tightening up my usual lag time), I didn’t allow it to continue. I confronted the wrongdoer. I took action. I honored myself. I still had to clear all the accompanying icky, swampy feelings, but I also got to experience a personal victory. I recognised the pothole! I addressed it as quickly, and cleanly, as possible!

Eclipses repeat; it’s in their nature to reveal patterns. Aries-Libra reveals those creating stress in our interpersonal life. We all have persistent relationship issues that have a gravitational grip so strong we think it’s impossible not to fall into them. Other people push our buttons so perfectly! Now is the time to draw a boundary, if you need. Protect your self. Stand up for yourself. Courageously honor your needs. Take action. Be alert to feelings of hyper-vigilance  — fear is a sign to listen more closely to your warrior intuition. Just as each situation is unique, there’s not one right warrior response for everyone but there is one that’s just right for you.

Since eclipses offer thematic repeat performances, you might acknowledge how far you’ve come since the last time you visited the issue you are facing. Mars is square Saturn: Our courageous hero, Mars, has cut his teeth on the blade of experience, and learned something. You’ve grown wiser to your own ways. Where can you turn fear into trust? Where can you claim more clarity, maturity and surefooted-ness on this ground you’ve travelled so many times before… and will undoubtedly again? Which brings me back around to the number 3.

You know what they say: The third time’s a charm. To that, my Aries Moon says: Bring it on.

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This bubbled up during the last solar eclipse, which occurred in my twelfth house where my natal Pluto resides. It came out as a letter to my former selves. When I was 17,  I lost everything and being stripped to my foundation radically shaped me. Pluto is the blowtorch-wielding hand of fate. I believe the recent wildfires of Northern California, those who lost everything, brought this up for me.  I am sharing this with you because I think it is honest and ultimately encouraging. We can always start again. Today, I have everything I ever wanted -far more than I could envision at 17. Twenty-five years later, I am still discovering Pluto’s “hidden treasures” in my soul -spiritual gifts gained from that period. 

You wake up one morning to discover the world is not the same as it was yesterday. The rules have changed. Life was once solid, predictable, wooden-like, sometimes boring even, but today you are swimming in an unfamiliar sea. Uncertainty rules the day now. You reach out to grip onto something, someone, a hand to hold but only panic grips your heart back.

It’s a new day, a morning unlike any other you’ve ever known. For now (and for a very long time to come), every morning you will awaken to feel too vulnerable, naked and afraid. You are uncertain you have what it takes to make it in this new world, a world where everything you once knew so well, everything you relied upon, has turned to dust.

The rug has been pulled out from under you. How will you make it? How will you survive? Your dream life has become preferable to waking. At least in dreamtime you temporarily forget your terror, only to awaken each morning with the cold hard fact of life staring at you: You are not in control. You will have to learn to submit to life, because Life always gets its way.

What do you trust when the landscape has become as foreign as a new country?

Who do you turn to when your guides have fallen, your Gods forsaken you?

Who do you become when you look into the mirror and see a stranger looking back?

What is solid and real in a world where nothing is solid and real anymore?

At first you resist everything. You become Medusa, turning everything and everyone you see into stone. Terror seizes you from within, and you turn it outward, your stony gaze rendering life into death, your rage and pain a destructive force that you had no idea was within you. You have become a pariah, you want to hide. People are afraid of you. Those you once loved, and those who still try and love you, no longer recognise you. You no longer recognise you.

Each morning you awaken, wondering if this will be the day you die or you live. Wondering who decides, wondering how…how you will live in this new reality. You wake up again, and again, each morning the now familiar terror, each morning the pain rising like bile in your throat, the nausea, the fierce desire to hang onto any scrap of control you can.

You burn. You don’t know what it means, but you’re on fire from the inside. Rage. Anger. A fierce sense of injustice. A need to blame someone. Who? Your skin is inflamed. More anger. More rage. Nothing makes sense. You are the wildfire, burning in front of you.

Yet the Sun won’t stop rising. The bed is solid and here. The familiar urge to pee is predictable at least. You awaken, because you can, because you’re not dead yet, and because one day you decide that you have nothing better to do than to see how this story unfolds.

You are told this thing keeping you here is called courage. Though it feels like anything but. You are still very, very afraid. But the decision to discover what happens next holds, and the mantra “this nightmare I’m experiencing must mean something I can’t see right now but will understand later” begins -a ballast, an anchor to what you don’t know. You no longer believe in anything. You are still waist-high in muddy fear and confusion, but yesterday it was up to your neck and filling your lungs so you couldn’t breathe. An improvement.

It takes a very long time to come to terms with this loss, far longer than you believe you’ll be able to tolerate. You no longer have friends. Some were too fearful that what was happening to you could happen to them. Others moved on with their own lives. You no longer have a family- at least not the one you used to recognise. You no longer have a home. That place doesn’t exist for you anymore. You no longer have your vibrant health, nor the energy to do what people say must be done. You’ve lost everything. You spend a lot of time crying, lost and in denial. The day you begin to accept your new reality is as sad and terrifying as it is liberating. You realise you still have a heart, at least, beating wildly for air, and maybe that is enough.

In rare moments of oxygen you start asking questions. They are big. Why is this happening? is the biggest and it goads you to read books, seek out teachers who may know the answer. This question eats at you for years, gnaws at you like a cancer, until you discover there is no answer, you abandon it and move onto others. You blame your self for a long time -had you been stronger, smarter or wiser your life wouldn’t have burst into flames. It is not your fault. You make discoveries along the way, as if this question were designed to lead you to other places: Astrology, spirituality, mysticism, healing. During which time you are introduced to the radical idea that you chose to experience this adversity (you reason, if this really is true, it was a moment of dire misjudgement on your part). And your search for answers turns into a life. Your search for answers to this horrible black hole in your soul distracts and brings you comfort, until it becomes your salvation, and your soul itself. The search becomes the truth.

You start living your life from the inside out. Eventually, questing becomes more important than understanding “why?”, and you learn that you can survive without stability, money, love from others, your body’s reliability or even a guarantee about who you will see when you look in the mirror. There are no guarantees. You wonder how you will survive this brand new world. Over time you discover you have internal resources you didn’t know you had: Persistence, a stubborn ability to tolerate discomfort, ambiguity, confusion and pain. The sheer act of defiance to go on when nothing of your former life is left. This is more valuable than certainty. When people say “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” you want to scream at them: Step into my shoes! One day this phrase will no longer sound cliche. You are becoming.

Of course you don’t realise it yet. You are too blinded by the fear to see, too in the middle of your own rebuilding to be able to step outside of it. So, dear child, just for this one moment I want you to step back and glimpse the view I see from above. You. Glorious you. A phoenix burning… then rising from the ashes over and over until it becomes second nature. Daughter of the High Priestess, Goddess of Questions and Answers, you will someday make this seeking into your vocation, your calling. You, a woman more dedicated to the art of becoming than anyone we can see from here, will hold the light up for others during their time of darkness. You will walk with them into the dark, take their hand and say, I’ve been here, too. 

I want you to know this – from your Future Self. I remember every tear you wept, every lesson you paid for in blood. Nothing was lost. Yes, the world will fall again. Nothing lasts forever. Friends leave. Loss happens. Change comes like waves of anxiety. You learned to stand in the center of who you are, now knowing that’s the only solid ground you have. New lessons will come because Life will always get its way in the end…learn to bend like the willow. Control is futile. So is insisting on THE answer, or needing to understand why. Life is not black or white, dear one, and when you insist that it is you will always suffer. The truth lives in shades of grey.

Yes, you will feel destroyed again. But you cannot be destroyed. You are eternal. When you forget this, go outside and stand in your garden. Feel the air on your skin. Let your puppy lick your face. Allow life to show you its generosity… in giving so much more than it takes away. Trust the beating of your wild heart as you do the rising Sun. Live from inside. Here.

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From 9/17/15-10/9/15 Mercury will move retrograde from 16 to 1 degrees Libra.

The Facts

Three times a year, for approximately three weeks time, Mercury slows down so that from the Earth’s perspective it appears to move backwards. We call this Mercury retrograde. Mercury is associated with the zodiacal signs Gemini and Virgo. In mythology he is the messenger to the Gods, charging communication, commerce, ideas. First, the difficult news: As the fastest moving planet in the solar system, Mercury’s slower motion will slow down or altogether stop computers, electronic gadgets, communication, transportation and mail. The errata of daily life gets interrupted; mail goes missing, checks lost, cell phone batteries die –and you’re late for an appointment. During this time, schedules are more easily bungled. Delays, cancellations and postponements are common and par for the course. The potential for miscommunication misfires is high, and the more dependent we are on technology, speed and getting it done yesterday, the greater our potential for misunderstanding and frustration. Yet there are also some clear benefits to Mercury retrograde, and ways to work with this quixotic energy. Below, 5 tips for finessing your Mercury experience.

1. Re-turn To Me

During any retrograde, the astrological sages advise do nothing new. This is because the retrograde planet is simply not moving as quickly. It’s as if we all function with an invisible team (the planets) and a certain team-member is moving a bit more slowly.  If Saturn were retrograde we might suggest not taking on a new responsibility or commitment. If Venus were retrograde maybe we wait until Venus direct to start a relationship. As Mercury rules contracts, commerce, transportation, travel and electronics, you may want to avoid doing anything new in these areas -your team member Mercury isn’t reliable right now.

If you can put a “Re-” in front of it, and take confidence. For Venus retrograde, you might re-marry. For Saturn retrograde, you might re-dedicate yourself to a commitment. For Mercury, the great mimic, and whose quicksilver nature can take on the nature of just about anything: “Re-” away! Re-think. Re-decorate. Re-turn. Re-model. Re-novate. Re-visit. Re-place (yes, cell phones, computers, software, electronics, I believe are perfectly reasonable to replace during this time). As a writer, I use this time to edit or re-write work. Reconnecting with old friends, information-gathering activities, investigative research efforts all prove fruitful now.

Sometimes favorite things, things once lost forever, re-surface during this time. People often return, too– long lost friends, clients, and loved ones. Old love affairs and relationships can be re-kindled now. Will it work out this time? That depends on the two people. Generally, misunderstandings during this period arise easily (so make extra effort to keep communication lines open) but old misunderstandings can be repaired, too.

2. Mercury Charges The Flow

Without fail, during every Mercury retrograde I hear from at least one client in a state of mental duress over a decision. They want to make a move, a decision, yesterday – and they simply cannot bear to wait a couple of weeks until Mercury moves direct (often they cannot even wait until next week for their astrology reading, when I have an appointment available!).

Aside from a true medical emergency, there are very few decisions in life that must be made right this second. If you are agonising over a decision, hit the pause button.  The cosmos do not support major decisions now- especially knee-jerk fear based ones. Those are ones we usually reverse later when we’re thinking clearly.

Yet there are some decisions that can be made, anytime. If you are in the flow, connected to your intuition, and feel no resistance or anxiety around starting something new –I say, why not? Astrology is a divination system, a way of tuning into your intuition, reading signs, making connections and living a more meaningful life. It is not a science, or a set of rules to follow.

So why do some Mercury retrogrades pass by without a hitch, and others are a nightmare? First, each Mercury retrograde transit effects our individual charts differently. Beyond that, I return to my “Are you in the flow?” theory: As we get better at heeding our own natural rhythm and internal cues, our consciousness changes, and that changes how we experience Mercury retrograde. Mercury charges the flow of life, which has slowed down. Can we gently allow our self to accommodate this slower pace? The more we hold onto trying, the more we struggle.

When we’re in the flow, that is, in touch with our intuition and aligned in our self, no matter what happens, things just tend to work out. Have you ever noticed this at work in your own life? When we’re struggling with our hopes and fears, when we’re anxiously attached to our thoughts & emotions, when we make decisions out of confusion, things don’t.

3. Check Your Mind – You May Be Confused!

Observing people’s perceptions about Mercury retrograde periods, I encounter our human tendency to favor dualism & logic over holism, intuition and higher self wisdom. On that note, be open to examining your perceptions during this time – including your ideas about Mercury retrograde. One person recently complained that Mercury retrograde was terrible as to her chagrin an unwanted break-up was not (eventually) reversed. So: Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to be with you? We each have our preferred version of how things should be, and are often the last to know what we actually need.

That said, Mercury rules confusion, and we may feel more confused during this time. But think about confusion, prescriptively, as a positive thing: When we are confused we are forced to open our minds really wide and seek out possibilities, books, people that we otherwise might not have. When we’re confused, our minds are stretched to look at problems from new angles. When viewed from a higher perspective… confusion can be divine. Try not to get stuck on your version of events, ideas, or even your confusion. Relax. Open your mind. Receive.

4. Go WithYin

This period can help us tune into our inner voice. During retrograde we think more subjectively, and we are attuned to our unconscious, dreams, intuitive connections & synchronicity. Mythically, Mercury was the only God allowed free passage into the Underworld. Pay attention to omens, intuitions and signs. They will prove more helpful than logic right now.

This is a useful time for building sanity & repose around the larger movements of life, to slow down & contemplate where you are, do investigative work, readjust your thinking. If you feel compelled to take unfounded leaps of faith during Mercury retrograde, why not ponder and information-gather, instead?  “Guides” of all sorts -helpers, healers, astrologers, books, counsellors – are Mercury’s messengers, and can prove helpful now.

During this time we have a greater ability to find that stillness so many of us crave. Our minds are primed to reconsider old assumptions with new eyes, and hungry to clear up dusty patterns of thought perceptions. Mercury craves perceptual freshness, and a retrograde time to sort, search & reflect facilitates this. Just as every astrological cycle has a divine order, the time is right to re-examine, re-evaluate and reflect on paths we are so gung-ho about.

5. Be Proactive and Intentional

Do you practice “conscious transits”, the idea that one can use any transit intentionally? When I see Mercury retrograde coming around the bend, I look at where he’s transiting my chart then free associate the possibilities. What terrain might I need to take second look at? What projects related to this area could stand revision? What needs fine-tuning? Is there anything I’ve been overlooking in this area of my life? Is there something unfinished here? Allow Mercury to take your hand and guide you to the best use of your Mercury retrograde.

I also give myself plenty of flexibility during this time period. For instance, I’ve signed up to take a new class during Mercury retrograde, and instead of springing for the whole enchilada (a series of classes) I’m listening to my intuition and experimenting with taking just one. By keeping my agreements loose, I give myself the freedom and flexibility to change my mind. Then, if I choose to walk away, my investment level is low so it’s no big deal.

Yes, retrograde can be annoying. Delays, especially those costing money and time, are annoying when we can’t imagine how they benefit us (they may later). We will come face to face with our dependence on: Speed, instant gratification, everything working properly. Follow the above tips and learn: Mercury retrograde can be so much more than an annoying fly in your soup!

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Ref: Susan Millers’ excellent article Mercury Madness.

This morning I tried my hand at a new skill: Making buckwheat crepes. Everything was going along smoothly. The sunshine was out, the birds singing, and I’m making…crepes! I fantasize about buckwheat crepes becoming the specialty I am known for. Friends invite me over for the weekend for my crepes. Working along with the recipe, I don’t accurately gage the batter pour. And so I learn lesson number one: Crepes are best consumed as extremely paper-thin, delicate wrappers meant to highlight the delicious insides. Otherwise, they’re just pancakes. Undeterred by imperfection, I shred some goat cheese and before the crepe-now-pancake cools I quickly sautee some spinach (where was my sous chef?). Sitting down to a floppy looking grey green thing with cold cheese I optimistically tuck in only to discover the reason why it is always a good idea to wash even pre-washed spinach: There is a worm in my crepe.

It’s Virgo season, an ambitious time when we want to improve our self and get better at who we are and what we do. If we follow the urge, this invariably involves learning new skills, bettering our self — and falling short… because starting something new doesn’t mean we are going to get it perfectly right the first, second or even the third try. That’s not the point. For Virgo, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness must go hand in hand with simply trying. Sometimes though, through fear, negative self-talk or criticism, we sell our self short… and stop just short of flying.

That almost happened to me. Awhile back, my book proposal was rejected by a publisher in a very “don’t let the screen door hit you on the way out” way. There was subjective criticism given, criticism that had me fruitlessly searching for a kernel of helpfulness. I couldn’t find it. It was, in many ways, a lesson in how not to break up with someone, when “I don’t think we’re a good fit” always suffices.  No one deserves the heartbreak of rejection with a laundry list of negativity accompanying. After all, that person is probably right for someone else- someone who sees their arrogance as confidence, their jadedness as funny and with whom they will work out their mother or father issues. Simply, we were not the right fit. Anyhow, I didn’t let the Critic win. Years later, I published that book- to accolades. I haven’t yet heard one of those criticisms.

When we meet The Critic it’s as fraught with mis-steps as first time crepe-making. On one hand, there’s always room for improvement. That’s the curse of knowing we are perfect in Spirit, but as humans we are not. It also helps to know the difference between constructive feedback and destructive criticism. When we receive constructive feedback from others, after the sting of imperfection has passed, we can step back see some truth. Destructive criticism, on the other hand, is short-sighted, and speaks from ego rather than heart. We do, however, need to be free to say “this area needs improvement” to each other –but without the Critic. Just ask the Gottmans, a pair of scientists who married and have researched marital stability and divorce prediction for the last 40 years, who say criticism is one of four of the most corrosive behavior patterns in a relationship. They even call these behaviors the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse“. Because, bottom line: criticism, whether it’s happening in our minds or our marriage, is toxic.

This is a Solar New Moon Eclipse. Eclipses affect everyone differently. The instability of this celestial event, while unnerving, helps us to psychically clean house. What presents may force us to face where we’ve been in denial around or have overlooked. We might also look to this eclipse time as a potent period for willingly giving up, tossing out, or cleaning up a way of being that is no longer serving our growth. We could ditch old toxic habits of criticism and perfectionism.

Virgo New Moon is classically a great time for skill-building, committing to getting healthy, and noticing any areas in your life that, with elbow grease and instruction, you can take to the next level. An eclipse supercharges the fix-it-up impulse.  Even if we may also have to contend with an unexpected worm in our spinach pancake. Chiron.

Yes, Chiron in Pisces opposes this lunation, giving us a chance to either pick at a hurt, or let it go. The problem with Chiron is one of perception, of seeing any pain we feel as part of the human experience instead of feeling victimized. Which is why this is also a time for tempering self-doubt with self-acceptance. Virgo offers instructive advice: Take the long arduous path of self-improvement in small, humble steps…whether learning how to make a perfect crepe, publishing a book, or vigilantly self-healing when we discover yet another human ouch. We can strive for perfection while continuously yanking out the thought-weeds of self-doubt and re-seeding those with self-love. We can learn to accept perfection is an impossibility, and that sometimes good enough isn’t just settling… it really is good enough.

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I sat at the feet of the venerable wise teacher Byron Katie last weekend at Spirit Rock, the meditation center down the road from where I live. She opened the class by saying, Raise your hand if you ate breakfast this morning. Hands went up. Then she asked, Is it true? Where’s your proof? Hundreds of us were now having breakfast in our imagination. I had the prickly sensation that all the enlightened beings that have passed through this space were now in this room, chuckling at the cosmic joke, with us.

It was a Piscean teaching moment. Katie has built her life’s Work around teaching us to investigate the stories we tell our selves, through gentle and patient inquiry. To the Ego, doing The Work is awfully similar to what Dorothy’s dog did to the Wizard of Oz at that moment when Toto pulled back the curtain of the Great Oz only to reveal a scared little man. The Ego doesn’t want to be found out; it holds onto whatever it can to feel safe. It’s painful to see where you’ve been caught up in a story, but the freedom of being liberated into truth is much sweeter.

Virgo Jupiter is lining up to oppose Pisces Neptune (thru mid-September), a dreamy and confusing aspect that stimulates our hunger for something more, rouses our belief that all things are possible. A bit like a long-awaited sedative for the grinding Uranus-Pluto square years it’s softening our hard edges, for some it’s even helping to deliver some long awaited dreams. But Jupiter-Neptune can also disillusion. Earlier this week, news broke in the health community that some samples of fermented cod fish liver oil, long marketed as a near miraculous essential for health by the respected Weston A Price Foundation, were not fermented but rancid. It’s not unusual for an oil to go rancid, and there’s always a thin line between fermented and rotten. What is remarkable is how many “believers” there are, believers who either attribute their health to FCLO or, conversely, their disease, and how each side has a story in which they have wholeheartedly invested. Admittedly, I too felt let down by the Weston A Price Foundation – at first. Then I systematically analysed the book-sized report and discovered it brought up more questions than definitive answers.

As Katie says: Is it true? Where is your proof? And: It’s okay to not know…

Jupiter is in the classical sign of its detriment, Virgo.  Analysis, skepticism, focusing on what’s wrong can restrain Jupiterian possibilities. Yet similar to the relief I feel to see pragmatic earth or Saturn placement amidst a client’s Neptune/Jupiter heavy chart, dubious Virgo offers a solid check and balance on flights of fancy or delusion we may be playing out in our minds. For instance, practical, sane Virgo will typically put the kibosh on a relationship with no real future in sight, and sometimes that’s a good thing. That said, this is an aspect made for dreamers –for exploring what holds allure, for playing with fairy plum visions that charm and enchant (to see if your dreams hold water, however, you may want to wait for a nice solid Saturn aspect).

At this Pisces Full Moon, the portal to both enlightenment and confusion is open. If you’re not feeling a tad dreamily romantic -and- disillusioned you’re probably not paying attention. We may retreat into our own better version of the world, we may wake up from an illusion, and likely we’ll experience both. Under Neptune in Pisces’ illusory gaze we might be wary of jumping onto any bandwagon– be it miracle cod liver oil or a guru.

Where this lunation falls in your chart you are ready to make a leap in awareness. To do so: Sit at the feet of the Guru Pisces Moon, allow your self to drift on her gentle, tumbling waves, receive vision and inspiration. Quiet your ego. Be receptive to an unveiling. With Pisces, we lessen our chance of falling prey to confusion or delusion by taking some time outside of time, in a meditative quiet retreat space, or by the sea. Our power now is in our open, questioning consciousness. Yet before deciding on matters of practical importance, invite Virgo Sun’s eagle-eyed attentiveness to the seaside picnic. After all, the root of the word gullible comes from gull- the seaside bird that steals your lunch while you’re not looking.

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How’s Venus retrograde going for you? Could you use a little inspiration? Here’s a story for you.

For those of us in committed partnership, Venus retrograde can bring up those old, stubborn, hairy issues that drive us to the edge of sanity…and the opportunity to turn them around.  For John and I, well, we have an airport thing. It’s about nine years running. It goes like this: He wants me to take and pick him up from the airport. But over the years of providing said ride, I’ve learned he wants more than a ride. He wants a vision, a dream come true, a romantic fantasy of returning home after his long journey abroad and being greeted by his beautiful, smiling and ever so delighted-to-see him wife. This would ideally commence with a loving kiss and affectionate gestures…to be followed by storytelling and sharing, and preferably, lovemaking. He’s a romantic. I do really love that about him.

How did I learn about the importance of this fantasy (because, to be clear, he did not tell me)? I learned the hard way: I disappointed him. Over the years, I’ve often showed up late or stressed to a crestfallen face, and usually, an argument. Commuting into the city almost always makes me feel sick and stressed (maybe it’s because I’m a Vata type in Ayurveda), but when I’m feeling delicate the worst place to be is a car. But his track record isn’t gold, either. He’s got last minute stops to make, and he’s rarely running on time. Over the years, I’ve accumulated battle scars, late fees for broken appointments and other near misses, and at this last airport ride Venus retrograde brought it all to a head. Clearly, we had reached an impasse. He felt I wasn’t giving him what he desired.  I felt I couldn’t if he didn’t honor me, my time. So there it was. A stalemate. And neither of us was going to budge.

His Venus in Libra squares my Venus in Cancer. Sometimes we don’t agree on music, or social protocols. And sometimes we just don’t agree. So there I was, at the edge of my rope, in the office of my EFT practitioner, who said: He wants you to give him this gift. And he wants it so badly that he’s ignoring your requests (mainly: to plan ahead and be on time). You could not take him at all, she said. Or you could stop putting conditions on this, and give it to him as a gift. What would it take to do that? Harrumph!, I snarked, to make it work for me I’d have to take the day off work. Okay, then, she said. You could do that.

I sat there stunned at the suggestion, fighting my inner feminist’s urge to default into outrage. Imagine I asked you out to dinner, she went on, but I put all these conditions on it: We need to eat before 8, at this type of restaurant. Would it feel like it was about you, or about what I want? Hmmmm. I thought about the litany of accommodations John constantly makes for me, especially when we travel. I thought about the fact that ever since the kids left for college, he really doesn’t ask me for much.  I took this in. Then I tapped on myself, as John, speaking as him, putting myself in his shoes. My goddess, he gave me so much. He wanted this one gift, and I had been refusing. Tears streamed down my face. Compassion flowed.

What she said next spoke to my Libra Rising: I’ve discovered that satisfying our partners desires can lead to a lifetime of them wanting to do wonderful things for you. Doing that simple thing, that really doesn’t take that much to do, can keep the entire relationship happy and humming.

Bingo. Aphrodite mobilised. What happened next, I can only describe as operation: fantasy fulfillment. I found room in myself to play this out. I got turned on by the idea, and in the mood to arrive at the airport as his perfect partner. I started with the 1950’s housewife, poking fun at that idea (I get to have fun, too!) and sharing the idea with a friend, we wandered into a vintage clothing store where serendipitously, in under 10 minutes, I had a retro flight attendant outfit pulled together. My man loves an after work cocktail, a Manhattan specifically, and I knew he’d be looking forward to that so I threw that together, into a cooler into my trunk. Even the glass was perfectly chilled! So to add to my prior list of (25) Things To Do During Venus Retrograde, I offer you #26: Suss out your partner’s secret desire. Then fulfill it by play-acting that fantasy while wearing stylish retro gear (Leo).

Bonuses: I turned around a stuck argument using fun and play, which my Leo loves. I created an inspired story we will both remember -for life. And he shared the pictures on Facebook where he got a bunch of “you’re so lucky!” comments from his friends. Which made me feel good about myself.

Venus is getting ready to rise with the Sun, entering into her feisty Morning Star phase. Our feminine instinct may be outraged or dis-honored on a global and/or personal level. We may be quite ready to take names and kick butt as in her Morning Star phase Venus can be a War Goddess, impetuous and bloodthirsty. We can point our consciousness toward where we’ve been exiled from beauty, love, fairness and honor. It’s also a period for questioning our assumptions and getting curious about any “war stance” we are holding. As any activist (or person in a relationship) knows, loosening our grip on a battle cry, getting curious, trying on new responses and playful approaches is disarming… and often the only path to true peace. After all, I’d been crying “unfair! disrespect!”, only to realise that out I had been fighting his secret desire: he wanted me show him love in a very specific way. Ironic, isn’t it? Venus problems… solved by Venus. In the coming days, when your ire is stirred, consider alchemising your outrage into Venus outrageousness-  unusual, unconventional acts of grace and beauty.

Making love is always more fun than making war.

Here’s the video I made, just for kicks:

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photo: Mad Men