Carson V. Heady's Blog

1 year sober. My last drink was at the Phoenix airport on September 13, 2024, flying back from a business trip. 4 days earlier, my wife Amy told me she was quitting and wanted me to do it with her.

“It’s a different world. You have to get used to a paler set of colors, a quieter lot of sounds.” Raymond Chandler, “The Long Goodbye.”

Sobriety is a daily choice of clarity over comfort, presence over escape, and growth over numbness. Better, healthier habits.

For the last 25 years, I’ve chased dopamine hits of all sorts: achievement, gym records, wins, partying. I buried negative waves, burnout, pain. I could “plow through anything.” The Salesman on Fire – the one who delivered #1 results no matter what it cost me physically, emotionally, psychologically.

Sobriety brings better problems. I replaced alcohol with books, music and deeper conversations, a love for Polar Seltzer Cranberry Lime and La Croix Mojito.

I had much more headspace and ability to double down on my relationships with God and Amy, and to be a better role model for my kids.

Despite what I believed for a long, long time, it’s OK to be bored, in pain, or to have emotions.

The lows are still real. I’ve felt burnt out and disconnected at times. My body hurts from years of pushing too hard. Parenting three daughters is a daily challenge.

There are days when I want nothing more than to retreat or escape.

But I don’t. I stay. I show up. I keep going.

I’ve learned to ride the waves, to find joy in the moments, and to be present for the people who matter.

Clarity is a gift. And no more daily ibuprofen.

If you’ve ever wondered “Should I?” or “Could I?” or “What if?”—you’re not alone. If you’d benefit from a conversation, just message me. No judgment. Just two humans figuring it out together.

I could not have done it without my wife or the many friends and mentors who were a part of this journey.

I’m sharing this not because I have it all figured out. I definitely don’t.

But if you’re struggling, if you’re chasing highs that never last and only rob from tomorrow’s happiness, if you’re wondering what’s next—know that you’re not alone.

Do you have a chip on your shoulder? You know, the type that pushes you to excessive effort, relentless resilience, and pursuit of greatness—over and over again—no matter what life throws at you?

For me, the theme has always been not feeling good enough. Never good enough.

I grew up a nobody in a small town.

I skipped a grade so I was the youngest kid in my class and never fit in.

I got told I was ugly. I got dumped. I got betrayed.

Those things cut into me in ways I didn’t understand.

But instead of letting them bury me, I started building armor.

I transformed into what I thought the world wanted: an invincible, armored, fearless warrior.

But the chip never really went away. It became fuel.

I once lost a job that I absolutely dominated—through no fault of my own. One day I was the guy everyone praised, the one they “couldn’t live without.” The next day, silence. People I thought were family disappeared overnight.

The lesson was brutal: I was alone.

I vowed to come back stronger, sharper, and better than ever, no matter how long it took.

Another time, I had a manager who didn’t like me and targeted me, making unfair changes to my work to hold me down and clearly wanted me gone.

My response? I studied every facet of the role, obsessed over the process, and catapulted myself to every award imaginable. Not out of spite—but out of sheer determination to prove that no obstacle could break me.

There were promotions promised to me—roles created for me—only to be handed to someone else at the last second.

There were times when the rules were literally changed just to unseat me from being #1. Twice! Did I walk away? No. Did I sacrifice the #1 position? Also no.

I pivoted. I adjusted. And I won again.

Each setback became a test. And every time, I came out stronger.

Being a husband and a Dad has started to peel back some of that armor. My kids don’t need a perfect warrior—they need me. The messy, imperfect, authentic me. And my wife doesn’t want the polished act either—she wants the man behind it all. It took me a long time to believe that.

Most people think those crucibles and humiliating losses would jade someone. That they’d lead to bitterness, burnout, or breaking points.

I thank God for them every day.

Because they taught me resilience. They molded me. They forced me to grow in ways that easy victories never could.

And they gave me perspective. Today, I have everything I’ve ever wanted—and more than I deserve.

Do you have a chip on your shoulder?

And if you do—how are you using it?

Because that chip can be poison… or it can be rocket fuel.

I’ve been in leadership long enough to admit something uncomfortable: I’ve failed, stumbled, and fallen short more times than I’d like to admit. But I’ve always found a way to rise above not because I had all the answers or flawless strategy, but because of one thing people consistently tell me I bring to the table: energy.

Energy is the great equalizer. You don’t need a perfect résumé or a flawless record to lead.

What your people crave isn’t control, it’s inspiration.

And that comes from the energy you bring into the room, onto the call, and into the trenches.

Why Energy Beats Control Every Time

I’ve done the job my team does. That matters—it gives me credibility. But that doesn’t mean I get to dictate exactly how they should do it. They’ve earned the right to be in their roles. If they haven’t, then what on earth are we doing as leaders in the first place?

My role isn’t to micromanage. My role is to empower.

To help them create and set strategy.To remove obstacles that slow them down.To enable them with resources, skills, and confidence.To help them prioritize in a world full of distractions.To fight for their paycheck, their career growth, and their next promotion.

When leaders shift from control to energy, people stop working for you and start working with you. That’s the difference.

How I Lead with Energy (and You Can Too)

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. If you want to stop managing and start inspiring, it isn’t about being the loudest or most charismatic person in the room. It’s about choices and consistency.

Here are five shifts you can make today:

1. Trade Directives for Questions

Instead of telling people how to do their jobs, ask:

“What’s your approach to this challenge?”“What’s one thing I can do to remove friction for you?”“If you had more time, what would you double down on?”

Questions create ownership. Directives create compliance.

2. Get in the Field

Don’t just sit in meetings or dashboards—get out where the work happens. For me, spending time in the field with my team has been a game changer. I listen, I observe, and I act in the moment.

It shows you’re not detached. It shows you’re invested. And when your team sees you willing to roll up your sleeves, they’ll go the extra mile for you.

3. Champion Loudly, Correct Quietly

The best results I’ve ever achieved weren’t because I cracked the whip. They came when I was consistent in lifting my people up—especially in times of ambiguity and uncertainty.

Celebrate their wins publicly.Shine the spotlight on their impact, not yours.Address mistakes privately, respectfully, and constructively.

This builds trust. And trust multiplies results.

4. Model Consistency in Chaos

Anyone can deliver a pep talk when things are going well. But when plans shift, targets move, or uncertainty sets in—that’s when your people look to you.

Your energy in those moments will be mirrored by your team. Show calm confidence, and they’ll stay steady. Show panic or frustration, and it will ripple through the organization.

Ask yourself daily: “What energy am I transmitting right now?”

5. Fight for Their Growth Like It’s Your Own

I tell my team openly: my job is to help you maximize your paycheck, your career trajectory, and your chance at promotion.

Connect them to mentors.Give them projects that stretch their skill set.Protect their time so they can focus on what matters.Advocate for them behind closed doors.

When your team knows you’re fighting for them, they’ll fight for the mission with you.

The Results Speak for Themselves

Looking back, the greatest outcomes I’ve ever had as a leader didn’t come from top-down control. They came when I championed my people, got in the trenches, and led by example.

Teams trusted me more.They grew faster.They innovated because they weren’t afraid of failure.And we didn’t just meet goals—we blew past them.From Managing to Inspiring

Managing is about control. Inspiring is about unleashing.

When you stop managing and start inspiring, you transform from being a boss to being a leader worth following. You stop being the person who “keeps the lights on” and start being the spark that lights the fire in others.

Practical Next Steps for Leaders This Week

Here’s how you can put this into action right now:

Audit your last 5 interactions with your team. Were you giving directives, or asking questions?Block 2 hours this week to sit in the field. Observe, listen, and learn—no agenda.Pick one person to champion publicly. Send an email, post on LinkedIn, or shout them out in a meeting.Check your consistency. Ask yourself: Am I showing up with the same energy every day, regardless of circumstances?Schedule one career conversation. Ask a team member where they want to be in 2 years and brainstorm how you can help them get there.

Leadership isn’t about being in charge. It’s about taking care of the people in your charge.

The question isn’t: “How do I get my people to comply?” The real question is: “How do I inspire them to become unstoppable?”

Too many leaders and professionals fall into the trap of believing they must solve every problem alone.

In reality, the ability to reach out often—to ask for help, to listen deeply, and to offer support—is one of the most overlooked leadership superpowers.

When we break down ego, embrace vulnerability, and build trust, we transform from isolated achievers into unstoppable teams.

The Power of Connectedness

On Episode 71 of the Connected Teamwork Podcast, hosts Hylke Faber and Carson V. Heady unpacked one of the most vital team connectedness practices: Reach Out Often.

It’s simple, but it’s not easy—especially in a world that celebrates self-reliance and rewards the lone-wolf hero.

They argue that thriving organizations are not built by individuals who hoard knowledge or carry burdens alone, but by those who cultivate interdependence, empower others to help, and create a culture where vulnerability is strength.

“There is a space between a crisis and our impulse to act. If we can broaden that gap, we can choose with a clearer head—and often that means reaching out.” – Carson Heady

Why Don’t We Reach Out?Early Conditioning: From school days, we’re taught that asking for help is weakness. Grades, competition, and comparison foster separation.Ego and Fear: Leaders often feel they must have all the answers. Asking for help feels like admitting incompetence.Cultural Barriers: Some workplaces still reward individual results over collaboration.

But the cost of not reaching out is high—stress, burnout, siloed teams, and missed opportunities.

Key Quotes to Remember“Never go down alone.” – Carson Heady“We are wired to be of service. More often than not, when you ask for help, you’ll hear yes.” – Hylke Faber“As leaders, you don’t have to know everything. You want to be relatable more than invincible.” – Carson Heady“Reaching out is not just for yourself—it gives others the chance to fulfill their purpose by serving.” – Hylke FaberPractical Steps You Can Take Today1. Build Your Personal “Board of Support”Identify 3–5 trusted allies in your organization.Tell them explicitly: “I’ll be reaching out this month. I trust you, and I value your perspective.”This sets permission and expectation, lowering the barrier when help is needed.2. Make Reaching Out a MuscleLike going to the gym, practice asking for help regularly.Set a personal “reps” goal—at least two meaningful outreach moments per month.Track it. Hold yourself accountable, just like any other KPI.3. Lead with ListeningAs a manager, don’t feel compelled to have all the answers.Instead, tap into the superpowers of your team. Ask:4. Balance Help with OwnershipDon’t outsource your responsibilities. Ask for input, but still take action.Avoid overdependence by pairing requests with clear next steps.Stay accountable for outcomes, not just conversations.5. Normalize Collaboration in CultureRecognize and reward collaboration, not just individual performance.Share best practices openly.Celebrate stories of people helping each other succeed.Bullet Points Leaders Should Apply ImmediatelyStop glorifying the lone wolf; make “never go down alone” your mantra.Define and communicate your inner circle—your personal board of advisors.Treat reaching out like a skill: practice it until it becomes second nature.Ask better questions: “What looks like help right now?”Build credibility and trust with your team before you need to ask for help.Remember: offering help is just as powerful as asking for it.Balance reliance on others with accountability for results.Create rhythms that foster open collaboration without overloading meetings.Be the cultural catalyst. One person’s openness can start a movement.

When leaders normalize reaching out, they transform teams from groups of individuals into powerful collectives. Vulnerability stops being weakness and becomes the glue of trust.

“The reasons we don’t reach out are usually about ourselves, our ego, and our fear. The gains from reaching out—trust, wisdom, and momentum—far outweigh the risks.” – Carson Heady

What’s one area in your work or life where you’ve been carrying the weight alone—and who will you reach out to today?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your life right now?

Your career, your family, your health?

If you’re like I was, you demand nothing less than a 10 in every area. I chased that “perfect 10” ideal for years — and it nearly broke me.

I had all the outward trappings of success. I was the #1 social seller at my company, helping generate over $1 billion in revenue that never would have existed without my home-grown Moneyball sales engine. I had shelves of Club awards and a reputation as the top performer. On paper, I was a 10/10.

Yet inside, I felt emptier and more exhausted than ever. My relationships were strained, my health was deteriorating, and each victory felt strangely hollow. I was staying late at the office and pouring drinks at night to cope — pushing myself to a “9 or 10” in the moment, only to wake up the next day feeling like a 3.

Then life punched me in the gut. The wins stopped pushing me to a 10. They felt empty. I had no more hills to climb; no itch to do more.

I realized I’d been chasing the wrong things — sacrificing what truly mattered on the altar of an unattainable ideal.

In that instant, I knew: something had to change.

The Toxic Pursuit of Perfection

We’re told to “have it all” — the thriving career, picture-perfect family, dream house, enviable lifestyle. We strive for that mythical 10/10 in every category, and we beat ourselves up when reality falls short. But here’s what I’ve learned: something will always be out of balance.

And that’s OK.

Life isn’t a static checklist where every box gets a perfect score. In reality, if your career is a 10 right now, maybe your family life feels like a 6, or your health is sitting at a 4. No matter who you are, at any given time one part of your world will demand more attention while another lags.

Yet we act like any imbalance means we’re failing. As author Mark Manson reminds us, no matter how high or low life takes us, we eventually normalize back to a “6 or 7” on the happiness scale. That promotion or big win might spike you to cloud nine, and a crushing loss might drop you to a 2 — but sooner or later, you land back in the middle. (Or as John Mellencamp sang, “life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.”)

Chasing constant highs is a losing game. I learned this first-hand. The quick fixes I used to artificially feel like a 10 were just robbing from tomorrow’s happiness. Every time I pushed myself to an unsustainable peak, I paid the price in the crash that followed. The harder I grasped at perfection, the more life seemed to slip out of balance.

The pursuit of a “10/10 everywhere” life isn’t ambition; it’s anxiety. It led me to burnout, to fractured relationships, to moments of deep doubt. I nearly quit on myself more times than I can count. Perfectionism had become a prison.

Growth, Faith & Empathy: The Path to Real Balance

Picking up the pieces after my fall, I set out to redefine what balance really means. I realized that growth isn’t just about promotions or paychecks — it’s about your daily habits, your relationships, your faith, and the way you show up for the people you love.

Instead of chasing some “perfect” state of equilibrium, I began focusing on progress — on getting a little better in the areas that truly matter, day by day.

Three principles became my guiding pillars: Growth, Faith, and Empathy. Embracing these changed not only my life, but my leadership:

Growth: I shifted my mindset from outcome to improvement. Instead of asking, “Am I a 10 yet?”, I began asking, “What did I learn today? How did I improve, even slightly?” I gave myself permission to be a work-in-progress. This took enormous pressure off my shoulders and, ironically, made me more effective. When you commit to lifelong growth, every experience becomes fuel for getting better, not a referendum on your worth.Faith: My faith became my anchor and my compass. It reminded me that I’m part of a bigger story, that my identity isn’t defined by a job title or a quarterly target. In dark times — like the day I lost my job — faith gave me resilience and strength to persevere. It taught me to trust in a purpose greater than immediate success. And it reinforced the principle of servant leadership: if I’m called to lead, I must first serve. That realization humbled me and helped me prioritize people over metrics.Empathy: I stopped viewing people as metrics and started truly listening — to my team, my colleagues, my family — and discovered that is the heart of leadership. The world has changed: employees today aren’t looking for perfection; they’re looking for presence — someone who will say, “I see you. I’ve been there. And I’m not going anywhere.” When I began leading with empathy – making time for the human conversations, showing vulnerability, checking in on others – my connections deepened and our results soared. Empathy turned out to be my edge, not my weakness.

Together, growth, faith, and empathy created a real sense of balance in my life. Not a flawless 10 in every category, but a life where I could juggle what mattered without losing myself. I was growing again — in character, not just in title. I felt grounded by purpose and faith, and I was building up others, not just my own stats.

Actionable Steps to Build Real Balance

So how can you start finding real balance and stop the wild goose chase of perfection? Here are five steps you can take right now to shift toward a life rooted in growth, faith, and empathy:

Adopt healthier habits. Pick one small, sustainable habit and commit to it daily. Whether it’s a morning walk, shutting down screens by 9pm, or eating dinner with your family, these small changes compound over time. Your physical and mental health form the foundation that everything else stands on.Deepen your faith or spirituality. Anchor yourself in something bigger than the day-to-day grind. This might mean praying or meditating each morning, reading scripture or inspirational texts, or simply reflecting on what you’re grateful for. Nurture your soul, not just your résumé.Learn new skills (personally and professionally). Make a commitment to continuous learning. Sign up for that course, read a book in a new domain, or ask a colleague to mentor you in an area you want to grow. Sharpening your tools not only boosts your career, it keeps your mind engaged and open.Level up your relationships. Be present with the people you love. Put down the phone and really listen to your partner and your kids. Take that date night or one-on-one outing with your child. Ask your friends how they’re really doing. When your loved ones are struggling, lean in rather than rushing to give advice. Consistent, attentive presence in your relationships builds trust and connection.Practice empathy daily. At work and at home, challenge yourself to listen more than you speak. The next time a colleague or friend is going through a tough time, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, just listen and acknowledge their feelings — show them you truly care. Being that supportive ear builds bonds, eases others’ burdens, and will ultimately make you a better leader and a better human being.Stop Chasing, Start Living

Life isn’t about scoring a perfect 10 in every category. It’s about continually growing into the person you’re meant to be. It’s about aligning your work and life with your values, staying grounded in faith, and extending grace to yourself and others along the way.

I finally stopped trying to perform my life and started living it — imperfections and all. And a funny thing happened: when I let go of being the best at everything, I became better at what actually matters. I became a more present father, a more supportive husband, and a more effective leader. The balance I’d been chasing showed up only when I quit chasing and started being.

So my challenge to you is the same one I gave myself: stop aiming for that mythical “10″ everywhere.

Instead, start aiming for growth where it matters most today.

Forget about perfection; focus on progress.

Pick one area — your health, your faith, your skills, your relationships, or your empathy — that you will give intentional care this week. Pour a little extra effort there.

Ask yourself honestly: which part of your life needs your attention right now? And what is one step, however small, you can take today to nurture it?

No, you won’t fix everything overnight. But you don’t have to. All you need to do is start moving in the right direction, one imperfect step at a time. Trust that growth, faith, and empathy will guide you toward the balance you seek.

The show must go on, as they say. But now you get to decide how it goes on — whether it’s from a place of constant, frantic striving, or from a place of genuine growth and purpose. The choice is yours.

Which area of your life will you stop chasing perfection in — and start growing instead — this week?

Too many leaders make the mistake of rushing in with policies, changes, and big speeches. The most powerful move you can make isn’t talking—it’s listening.

Real leadership begins when you slow down long enough to understand your people’s why.

When I’ve stepped into leading new teams or organizations, the biggest wins have always come from resisting knee-jerk reactions. Instead of dictating, I’ve focused on listening, observing, and learning what matters most to the team I’ve been entrusted with.

Here’s what I’ve learned leaders must do:

Listen before you lead – Spend time in the field, with your people, absorbing their stories, their “why,” and their priorities.

Honor the past – Don’t wipe the slate clean; respect the projects and initiatives they cared about before you arrived.

Collaborate on the future – Build strategies with the team, not for the team.

Create continuity – Ensure no one feels like they’re starting over just because leadership changed.

Lead through understanding – Influence comes when people feel heard, respected, and included.

Leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about building trust, creating alignment, and empowering others to see themselves in the plan forward.

How do you make sure your team feels heard when you step into a new leadership role?

On a scale of 1 to 10… where are you right now in your most important life areas? Something will ALWAYS be out of balance. The real game is learning how to adjust, grow, and keep moving forward.

I’ve realized that growth isn’t just about career—it’s about habits, relationships, faith, and the way we show up for the people we love.

Instead of chasing “perfect balance,” focus on progress:

Adopt healthier habits – small, sustainable changes that compound over time.

Deepen your faith – anchor yourself in something bigger than the day-to-day grind.

Learn new skills – professionally and personally, sharpening tools that make you better.

Level up in relationships – attune to your partner’s needs, listen instead of rushing to give advice, and lean in when your kids are struggling.

Practice empathy – sometimes the greatest gift is to listen, acknowledge, and sit with someone instead of fixing.

These are the areas I’m working on every day. Not perfectly. Not all at once. But intentionally.

Stop aiming for a mythical “10 everywhere.” Start aiming for growth where it matters most today.

Which area—health, faith, skills, relationships, or empathy—needs your attention this week?

If you can sell in federal, you can sell anywhere. That’s the theme of Episode 145 of Mastering Modern Selling, where Tom Burton, Brandon Lee , Carson V. Heady, and guest Jon Jumento —a 25-year veteran in aerospace, defense, and federal sales—delivered a playbook that every B2B seller can use to sharpen their craft.

Federal sales is often viewed as intimidating: complex contracts, endless approvals, risk-heavy decisions, and bureaucratic red tape. Yet as Jon emphasized, mastering this environment teaches you fundamentals that apply everywhere—enterprise, commercial, and beyond.

The Fundamentals That Never Change

Jon’s career spans project management, engineering, account management, and sales leadership. He’s turned underperforming teams into high-growth powerhouses, leading them with patience and a laser focus on what sellers can actually control.

The biggest shift he’s seen? Buyers today want outcomes, not product pitches. Features and facts don’t close deals—understanding problems, doing research, and showing how your solution impacts their mission does.

“Every conversation must come from a position of help.” – Jon Jumento

Partnership: Earned, Not Claimed

The word partnership gets thrown around carelessly in sales. But Jon stresses that true partnership is earned through research, preparation, and problem-solving—not declared in a pitch deck.

He shared an interaction with a CIO of a major military branch: “I’m looking for partnership. I want you researched, I want you to understand what I care about, and I want to see how you problem-solve against that.” That level of accountability extends beyond account managers—it’s expected from every member of the team.

Research as a Differentiator

One of Jon’s most prescriptive points was on doing the work. Too often sellers show up to meetings armed only with their own brochures. Federal customers, on the other hand, literally publish what they need—budgets, initiatives, industry days, and even live LinkedIn sessions where they take questions from vendors.

“If you’re not there, you’re not learning. If you’re not learning, you can’t show up intelligently.” – Jon Jumento

This applies far beyond government. Your buyers are signaling what they care about through annual reports, LinkedIn posts, media coverage, and industry events. Sellers who leverage this information to tailor conversations stand out immediately.

Humility as a Sales Superpower

A recurring theme in the conversation: sellers don’t have to be the smartest person in the room. Too often, reps show up eager to prove expertise, flooding meetings with facts. Jon flips this on its head:

Curiosity is more valuable than credentials.Inquisitiveness builds credibility faster than arrogance.Humility creates emotional connection—where decisions are really made.

“Decisions are based on emotions, justified with logic. If we miss that part, we’re missing out.” – Jon Jumento

Navigating Complexity

Jon illustrated how complex federal procurement can be—sometimes requiring 20 different sign-offs just to process a purchase order. His takeaway: you must understand how your customer buys. Whether federal or Fortune 500, each organization has hidden approval layers and landmines that can stall deals. Mapping the process, asking questions, and anticipating roadblocks is critical to setting accurate expectations.

The Small Business Opportunity

While selling to government can feel daunting, Jon underscored the growing opportunity for small and mid-sized businesses. Federal programs are now actively opening doors to smaller, more innovative partners. But he was candid: the investment is significant, the payback is long, and patience is essential.

“Public sector can act as an economic blanket—because even in downturns, government is still spending.” – Jon Jumento

Key Quotes to Remember“If you can sell in federal, you can sell anywhere.”“Every conversation must come from a position of help.”“Partnership isn’t declared—it’s earned.”“Do the work. If you’re not learning, you can’t show up intelligently.”“Decisions are based on emotions, justified with logic.”Prescriptive Takeaways for Every Seller

Whether you sell to government agencies, enterprises, or startups, here’s how to apply Jon’s playbook immediately:

Start with help, not hype. Make every conversation outcome-driven. Do the work. Research budgets, signals, and pain points before every call. Earn the right to partnership. Show up knowledgeable, humble, and ready to solve. Understand how they buy. Map approval processes and flag risks early. Coach through curiosity. Ask better questions instead of delivering longer monologues. Stay patient. Sales is a long game—especially when the stakes are high.

This episode reminded us of something Phil Jackson once said: “Chop wood, carry water.” Success comes back to the fundamentals. For Jon Jumento, that means helping first, researching deeply, staying humble, and focusing on controllables.

Sales leaders and sellers alike would do well to remember: the path to consistent, strategic wins isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about being the most prepared, the most curious, and the most committed to your customer’s mission.

At the end of the day, sales isn’t about being the smartest person in the room or the flashiest presenter—it’s about doing the work, showing up prepared, and earning the right to be trusted. Partnership is never granted—it’s fought for, won through consistency, humility, and relentless focus on helping customers achieve outcomes.

What’s the most powerful way you’ve earned trust with a customer—and how did it change the trajectory of your relationship?

Most sellers show up to pitch a product—few show up ready to transform a business. The difference? One walks away with a transaction… the other becomes an irreplaceable, trusted advisor who shapes the customer’s future. If you want to stand apart in today’s market, stop selling and start adding value in ways nobody else can.

In today’s world, simply showing up with a product sheet and a quota in mind isn’t enough. Customers don’t need another vendor—they need a partner. They don’t want a transaction—they want transformation. And if you want to stand apart as a seller, the fastest way to do it is by adding value in ways nobody else does.

The Homework You Can’t Skip

Transformation begins long before the first meeting. If you walk into a customer conversation without doing your homework—understanding their business, their challenges, their industry—you’ve already lost.

Study their annual reports, press releases, and financials.Learn who’s on their board and what their execs are prioritizing.Follow their leaders on LinkedIn.

When you come in armed with insights that matter, you shift from being another seller to someone who knows their business like an insider. That’s how you earn the right to even be considered a trusted advisor.

Creating a Groundswell of Influence

One of my favorite strategies is creating a groundswell of influence inside the customer organization. It’s not about just one executive meeting. It’s about getting in front of multiple stakeholders—finance, operations, IT, the line of business leaders.

Each conversation is a domino. One exec tells you about a challenge, and you use that intel to get in with the next leader. Before long, you’ve built a web of influence across the organization where your name keeps coming up in rooms you’re not even in.

That’s not luck. That’s strategy.

The Power of Tribal Knowledge

Here’s the part most sellers underestimate: the power of organizational memory. If you take the time to really know their priorities, their milestones, their culture, and even their politics—you become invaluable.

Executives may change out, but when you know the tribal knowledge of how their business runs, you’re irreplaceable. You become the continuity. And when a new leader steps in, your customer advocates point to you as the person who already knows the playbook. That’s how you transcend from vendor to indispensable partner.

Becoming the Customer’s Advocate Inside Your Organization

This is the part that flips the script. When you gain a customer’s trust, they start to arm you with the truth. They’ll tell you where they’re struggling, what’s been deprioritized, and what’s non-negotiable.

That’s gold. Because now, you’re not just selling to them—you’re selling for them. You take their plight back to your business and become their internal advocate. You position their story in a way that secures maximum investment, favorable terms, or creative deal-making.

Your company sees you as the bridge. Your customer sees you as the champion. That’s when the relationship goes from transactional to transformational.

Mapping the Blueprint Together

True transformation means you’re not just closing this quarter’s deal—you’re mapping out the long-term blueprint.

You sit down with your customer and co-create:

Where do we want to be in 1 year? In 3 years? In 5?What milestones matter most to you?What can we deprioritize right now so we focus on what moves the needle?How will we hold each other mutually accountable?

This is the essence of partnership. It’s not about pushing your agenda. It’s about aligning so closely with theirs that the line between your success and their success disappears.

The Superpower That Can’t Be Copied

Anyone can sell a product. Few can sell a vision. Fewer still can embed themselves so deeply into the customer’s fabric that they become part of the organization’s DNA.

That’s the new sales superpower: adding value. Not as a buzzword. Not as a cliché. But as a consistent practice of doing your homework, earning trust, creating a groundswell of influence, carrying the torch of tribal knowledge, advocating for the customer internally, and mapping out a shared future.

When you do this, the transaction fades into the background. The relationship becomes transformational. And in a world where everyone is pitching, the one who transforms is the one who wins.

At the end of the day, the real superpower in sales isn’t the product, the pitch, or even the close—it’s the ability to become so valuable to your customer that they can’t imagine running their business without you. Transactions will come and go, but transformational relationships change careers, companies, and lives. The question is: are you just closing deals, or are you building the kind of trust and influence that makes you truly unforgettable?

What if the thrill you’ve been chasing isn’t the point?
What if the real game is learning how to stay above a 6 or 7 when life’s highs and lows inevitably fade?

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on some wisdom from John Mellencamp and Mark Manson.

“Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.”
Manson’s reminder that no matter how high or low life takes us, we eventually normalize back to a 6 or 7.

That promotion, that win, that big night out—it spikes us to a 10.

The heartbreak, the loss, the failure—it drops us to a 2.

But sooner or later, we land back in the middle.

For me, this perspective has been transformative—especially as I come up on one year without alcohol.

I realized that alcohol was just robbing from tomorrow’s happiness… pushing me artificially to a 9 or 10, only to wake up at a 3.

The real secret? Find healthy addictions:

Time with my wife, kids, family & friends
Walks with my dog
Shooting hoops
Reading and podcasts
Music that lifts the soul
Helping others win

Those things don’t just spike me—they sustain me. They keep me flying above that 6 or 7 every single day.

Because the older you get, the more you realize: the thrill of the chase doesn’t hit the same.

But the joy of impact, family, friendship, and growth? That’s the fuel that lasts.

What’s your “healthy addiction” that keeps you above a 6 or 7?