Beth Labonte's Blog, page 16
August 2, 2011
Junk Food Betty
Maybe it was the Go-Pak of Chips Ahoy cookies running through my veins, but on my drive home today I thought of an awesome blog I've spent many an afternoon silently laughing over in my cubicle: Junk Food Betty.
So check it out. At the very least it will ignite a hankering for some Doritos Late Night All-Nighter Cheeseburger Tortilla Chips. And who couldn't use a few of those?
Yum?
If you see a product on your grocery store shelf or fast food menu and think, "That is both unhealthy and completely unnecessary," then it's a good bet that I'm eating it and writing about it. This website is here to provide you, the scrupulous consumer, with information about the ridiculous junk foods that come and go. I'm eating it so you don't have to.Junk Food Betty covers everything from Jones Bacon Flavored Soda to the KFC Double Down with descriptions such as "I have never been anywhere near a rotting, decomposed, maggot-filled pig carcass, but I can imagine exactly what it smells like. And that is exactly like what Jones Bacon Flavored Soda tastes like." Poetic.
So check it out. At the very least it will ignite a hankering for some Doritos Late Night All-Nighter Cheeseburger Tortilla Chips. And who couldn't use a few of those?
Yum?
Go-Pak!
Luckily my Go-Pak also came with these handy instructions so I would know that I need to "reach in to snack" rather than tip my neck back like a Pez dispenser and pour them directly into my mouth which I did previously with a Go-Pak of Nutter Butters. Technical writers, I commend you.
Go-Pak!
July 28, 2011
Who Wants a Tab?
July 27, 2011
Email Intervention
My very first AOL email address was Argo220, named for the little robot that went down and discovered the Titanic (the 220 was for the time that the Titanic sank). Yes indeed, it was 1997 and after sitting through that hella long movie three, count 'em THREE, times (in the THEATER), I was totally obsessed with deep sea archaeological exploration and Leonardo DiCaprio's ass. It was simpler times back then, you see.
Shoot ahead a few more years and you'll find that my email address had changed to CrshDMB. This of course reflected my love of the Dave Matthews Band, because a) I had by this time realized that Leonardo DiCaprio wasn't actually aboard a doomed 1912 oceanliner and was instead dancing on tables grabbing his crotch on the cover of the National Enquirer, and so I needed new interests, and b) the only thing that expressed ones fandom more than wearing size XL concert t-shirts with blue nylon shorts to band camp, was making an AOL email address that contained your favorite band's name.
Fast forward to 2011, and as much as I would like my email address to be HobbitHoarder78, I have stuck with a much simpler first name_last name @ gmail format. This great post on Google's blog offers help for those friends of ours who have been unable to let go of their goofy and outdated AOL (among other) email addresses, and who have failed to discover the beauty of using Gmail.
So go ahead, do your mom (BeckysMom1958), your dad (Hammockguy37), and this fellow:
a favor, and stage an email intervention ASAP.
Shoot ahead a few more years and you'll find that my email address had changed to CrshDMB. This of course reflected my love of the Dave Matthews Band, because a) I had by this time realized that Leonardo DiCaprio wasn't actually aboard a doomed 1912 oceanliner and was instead dancing on tables grabbing his crotch on the cover of the National Enquirer, and so I needed new interests, and b) the only thing that expressed ones fandom more than wearing size XL concert t-shirts with blue nylon shorts to band camp, was making an AOL email address that contained your favorite band's name.
Fast forward to 2011, and as much as I would like my email address to be HobbitHoarder78, I have stuck with a much simpler first name_last name @ gmail format. This great post on Google's blog offers help for those friends of ours who have been unable to let go of their goofy and outdated AOL (among other) email addresses, and who have failed to discover the beauty of using Gmail.
We all have a story like this. On the Gmail team, we affectionately refer to them as "email interventions." We hear about them all the time: the cousin who finally switched from an embarassing address like hottie6elliot1977 to a more professional [email protected], a co-worker who helped his dentist switch after he heard her grumble about having to pay for IMAP access, etc.
Staging an intervention is simple:Visit emailintervention.com Sign in and automatically identify who from your contacts has yet to make the switch, or just enter a friend's email address manuallyChoose from one of three intervention message templates ("straightforward", "concerned" or " embarrassed"), and add your own intervention video if you'd likeSend a customized email and follow up as needed
So go ahead, do your mom (BeckysMom1958), your dad (Hammockguy37), and this fellow:
a favor, and stage an email intervention ASAP.
July 21, 2011
Shoplet Blog!
Read my guest post - 10 Things I Would Tell a Brand New Secretary - on the Shoplet Blog:
Thank you Shoplet!
I Paper Clips & Staples
I asked Beth from Secretary4Life to share what survival tips she would give to someone who was just starting out as a secretary. (I knew she would include just the right amount of humor to make them fun to read) I don't think secretaries get enough respect for all the important things they do and they do a lot of random things which makes their jobs even more stressful. Here are some great tips from Beth for anyone starting a new job as a secretary: (and to be honest, there are a lot of things in here that apply to normal jobs too). Click here to continue!
Thank you Shoplet!
I Paper Clips & Staples
Employee Found Alive Inside Cubicle
Whistles of relief could be heard throughout the offices of Crenshaw & Bick when Walter Gatch, 57, presumed dead at his desk since Monday morning, was found alive by janitorial staff. "When he didn't blow the smell of burnt Pop Tarts all over the office this morning, I went by his cubicle to check on him," said Andrew Miron, 26. "And there he was, just kind of slumped over on his keyboard. Naturally, I suspected the worst."
When asked why he didn't report the possible death to management, Miron stated that had it been true, it really would have been a shit ton of paperwork. Never mind the fact that his timesheet was still due.
"Actually, I was pretty sure he was okay," he added. "Yeah."
Throughout the day, several other employees expressed half-assed concern for their co-worker when his out-of-office auto reply from Friday failed to be turned off, and when Gatch suddenly fell out of his chair and onto the floor where he remained until approximately 6:00 p.m.
"We all thought he was a goner for sure," said Gatch's administrative assistant of seven years, Megan McNulty. "I mean, all the signs were there: slumped over, no contact with anybody for an entire day, an odd smell emanating from his cubicle. It was a pretty text book case of somebody dying at their desk and everybody in the office knowing about it but doing absolutely nothing."
It was not until Monday evening that janitor Harvey Ferber, after emptying the once thought dead man's recycle bin, witnessed Gatch casually get up off the floor, click Print in his Microsoft Word document, and walk over to his printer as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
"He's alive! He's alive! I shouted," said Ferber, demonstrating the excitement and relief he felt upon realizing that Gatch was still of this world. "As you may or may not know, these things don't usually turn out so well for janitorial staff."
As of press time, Gatch was headed home to his wife who thinks he died three years ago.
When asked why he didn't report the possible death to management, Miron stated that had it been true, it really would have been a shit ton of paperwork. Never mind the fact that his timesheet was still due.
"Actually, I was pretty sure he was okay," he added. "Yeah."
Throughout the day, several other employees expressed half-assed concern for their co-worker when his out-of-office auto reply from Friday failed to be turned off, and when Gatch suddenly fell out of his chair and onto the floor where he remained until approximately 6:00 p.m.
"We all thought he was a goner for sure," said Gatch's administrative assistant of seven years, Megan McNulty. "I mean, all the signs were there: slumped over, no contact with anybody for an entire day, an odd smell emanating from his cubicle. It was a pretty text book case of somebody dying at their desk and everybody in the office knowing about it but doing absolutely nothing."
It was not until Monday evening that janitor Harvey Ferber, after emptying the once thought dead man's recycle bin, witnessed Gatch casually get up off the floor, click Print in his Microsoft Word document, and walk over to his printer as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
"He's alive! He's alive! I shouted," said Ferber, demonstrating the excitement and relief he felt upon realizing that Gatch was still of this world. "As you may or may not know, these things don't usually turn out so well for janitorial staff."
As of press time, Gatch was headed home to his wife who thinks he died three years ago.
July 20, 2011
July 19, 2011
Secretary4Life and The Deathly Hallows
I am re-posting this in honor of Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part II being recently released!
________________________________________________________
After going to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, I began thinking that it might be cool if the old Grim Reaper stopped by the office and tossed a few hallows my way. Just because I'm not crossing raging rivers at midnight doesn't mean I haven't cheated death.
The Resurrection Stone:
There are a few ex-employees whom I miss and would love to bring back from the dead in order to liven this place up. "But magical spells that bring people back from the dead never work out right!" you say. Yes, yes, I've heard it all before.
I'll bring them back and as soon as they realize they could be doing something cooler than talking to me about last night's episode of Cake Boss, they'll be out the door and I'll be more depressed than ever.
But there's got to be somebody whose life became worse since they left the company, right?
I will find that one unemployed, destitute, miserable soul, shake my magic rock, and suck them through the fabric of the universe. They'll arrive dazed and confused in their old cubicle where I will be waiting with Kit-Kat bars and three years worth of office gossip about people they never even met. I'll be a hero!
The Cloak of Invisibility
Who wouldn't want one of these? An invisiblity cloak would be be priceless, if for nothing more than to eat my ham & cheese in peace.
I don't need it to hide from death, I need it to hide from life. I need it to take a nap under my desk and to make it look like that coffee pot is pouring itself. The possibilities are endless.
If you ask me, the invisibility cloak is wasted on Harry Potter – what does he use it for? Sneaking out for butter beers? Harry doesn't have a job to worry about. Hand it over man, I've got people coming at me with dictation tapes and onion breath.
The Elder Wand
I guess there's not much use for the most powerful wand in existence at a medium sized civil engineering company. We don't do much dueling around here. And as we all learned after poor old Antioch Peverell was murdered in his sleep for possession of the mighty scepter, it is best not to mess with an object of such power.
Sure I could Avada Kedavra the hell out of anybody who annoyed me, and maybe throw a quick Crucio over my cube wall if that guy doesn't shut up about his dogs already.
But when you're the only one who knows how to change the paper in the fax machine, you already hold all of the power.
I don't need the Elder Wand to prove my worth. Well, maybe I'll just hold it for a second…
Crucio!
The Secretarial Hallows
________________________________________________________
After going to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, I began thinking that it might be cool if the old Grim Reaper stopped by the office and tossed a few hallows my way. Just because I'm not crossing raging rivers at midnight doesn't mean I haven't cheated death.
The Resurrection Stone:
There are a few ex-employees whom I miss and would love to bring back from the dead in order to liven this place up. "But magical spells that bring people back from the dead never work out right!" you say. Yes, yes, I've heard it all before.
I'll bring them back and as soon as they realize they could be doing something cooler than talking to me about last night's episode of Cake Boss, they'll be out the door and I'll be more depressed than ever.
But there's got to be somebody whose life became worse since they left the company, right?
I will find that one unemployed, destitute, miserable soul, shake my magic rock, and suck them through the fabric of the universe. They'll arrive dazed and confused in their old cubicle where I will be waiting with Kit-Kat bars and three years worth of office gossip about people they never even met. I'll be a hero!
The Cloak of Invisibility
Who wouldn't want one of these? An invisiblity cloak would be be priceless, if for nothing more than to eat my ham & cheese in peace.
I don't need it to hide from death, I need it to hide from life. I need it to take a nap under my desk and to make it look like that coffee pot is pouring itself. The possibilities are endless.
If you ask me, the invisibility cloak is wasted on Harry Potter – what does he use it for? Sneaking out for butter beers? Harry doesn't have a job to worry about. Hand it over man, I've got people coming at me with dictation tapes and onion breath.
The Elder Wand
I guess there's not much use for the most powerful wand in existence at a medium sized civil engineering company. We don't do much dueling around here. And as we all learned after poor old Antioch Peverell was murdered in his sleep for possession of the mighty scepter, it is best not to mess with an object of such power.
Sure I could Avada Kedavra the hell out of anybody who annoyed me, and maybe throw a quick Crucio over my cube wall if that guy doesn't shut up about his dogs already.
But when you're the only one who knows how to change the paper in the fax machine, you already hold all of the power.
I don't need the Elder Wand to prove my worth. Well, maybe I'll just hold it for a second…
Crucio!
The Secretarial Hallows
