S.M. Butler's Blog, page 40

At one point in my life, I was a happy person. Truly. I know, it’s hard to reconcile a sweet, shy little girl who didn’t even cuss with this Navy Seabee turned romance writer who still cusses like a sailor and can’t seem to contain her rage at so many things these days.

Seriously, I always had a temper, but it used to be quick and instant. Now I’m finding that it festers and smolders. I throw water on it, but it never goes all the way out. Instead, it sits in the back of my head, the fire slowly gaining momentum until finally something sparks the wild fire that ends up exploding all over someone.

But you know what? It’s taken me this long to realize the extent of my rage because I have amazing friends. They took what I dished out, never got angry with me. Most of the time, they just ignored it. But there’s a point where it’s too much, like when you annoy yourself.

I’m kind of tired of being cranky these days, because tears aren’t far behind cranky. And I hate crying. There are triggers too, that just set me off, straight through cranky to the angry cry. It’s an ugly thing to behold.

Part of my reconciliation with myself this year is coming to terms not only with my financial and physical status, but also fixing myself mentally. So I have to look at everything in my life with this analytical eye, and figure out out why I do things, why I react the way I do, and why I can’t seem to change myself or my behaviors.

The first thing I did to start this change was to quit smoking. It was not only a financial decision (because cigarettes are expensive, yo!) but also a mental decision. I was doing something that was unhealthy for me. True, I am in better shape than most non-smokers. But that’s not good enough. Part of this quest to be better is about changing the things that I do that is detrimental to myself.

I look at why I smoked. It wasn’t because I was addicted. Because I wasn’t. I quit cold turkey and never looked back. No urges. The only thing that happened was the habit of having something in my mouth. I turned to lollipops for a while, but even that went away after a few days. I don’t know why I never had an addiction to cigarettes. It was a security blanket to cling to. A nasty, dirty one.

So the habit is gone. I’m saving $6 every two days. That’s $18 a week. That’s a minimum credit card payment each week. Good for me, right?

I’m still not happy, and I know this experiment is going to take time to work, but I’m impatient. I want it to happen now. I want to be happy. I want this constant rage in my head to go away. I want to not be passive aggressive with the people I care about or blow up on someone because they happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I want to be able to hold a conversation with a stranger at a conference without second guessing myself or feeling awkward.

I don’t quite know how to make that happen, but I’m going to try. The best thing I can do is try to be healthy, as much as possible, improve myself and see how it improves my emotional state.

So… this week’s plan? Eating better, starting an exercise routine… I have to make time for it. Because otherwise, I’ll sit around lamenting how I don’t do it. I can’t do that. That doesn’t work with the changes in my life I want to make. So, tonight, I’m making a list of all the things I’d like to change. From there, I’m going to put them in priority order. So as I realize things have changed, I can just mark them right off the list.

I like lists. I always feel so accomplished when I finish a list. But that’s a post for another day.

 

I realize that for this daily experiment to work I’m going to break a lot of social media for authors “rules.” There’s a point where you draw the line and don’t tell readers things. There’s a surface information zone, like I have kids and I live in Dallas and stuff like that. Then there’s the more personal stuff, the majority of my life, that doesn’t get published online.

So, I thought I’d break the ice and tell you guys stuff, because honestly, I’m probably going to ramble. And then you’re probably going to get lost without the background. So, here’s a bit about me. If you’d like, you can share in the comments about yourself.

1. Suzan Butler is not my real name. You can Google and find it out pretty quickly. I don’t make it a secret. But I don’t advertise it either. It’s my experience though that it’s pretty common with romance writers to have a pen name. It gives us a little bit of privacy or at least the screen of privacy. Because anyone with a little bit of intelligence can find out the information they want.

2. I left my husband eight years ago. I still remember the night. My brother’s then girlfriend took me out for my birthday. We drank a lot. In the span of the first two hours, my husband called me 53 times. I only know that because that’s how many missed calls I had before i finally turned off the phone. It was probably more. Over the next few hours, my would-be sister-in-law sat there and we drank and she laid out every possible reason why I was married to an asshat. It worked. I left my husband that night.

3. I’m completely selfish with these blogs. They say that you should keep your reader in mind when you blog, but these posts? All for me. It’s a step out of my comfort zone. It’s a way for me to process what I’m going through and to learn how to be more open and happier.

4. I may from time to time say things that I haven’t told my own friends. The reasoning behind this is simple in my head. There are some things that one just can’t vocalize. i have a hard time talking about what I feel. I bottle it up and push it away and it builds and builds and it just one day boils over. So that’s another function here. My friends all joke with me about how I’m angry and I hate hugs.

The truth is… I don’t hate hugs. I love them. But they’re something awkward about them for me. Maybe it’s just me pushing people away for so long. I don’t know. I am angry though. I’m not a happy person. I have rage built up inside that I’ve never gotten out. I should have done therapy after my divorce, but I couldn’t afford it. I still can’t. Instead, I have pushed away all these people in my life. I’ve made it a point to not get close to people. Love is something that I couldn’t afford, because I was absolutely burned.

5. There’s something broken in me. So if you don’t know me personally, hold on to your hats. Because by the end of it, we’ll be besties. I plan on sharing a lot as I kick my life into gear. I invisioned this experiement I thought it would be a very firm, outside look at me getting my life together. 365 Days to get my act together, to be independent.

I realize now that this was naive of me. Because a big part of this transformation in my life is going to be mental. I’m having to change the way I think in order to change the way I live.

6. This really isn’t about my divorce. Well, it kind of is, because I’ve been slowly spiraling down from it. But it’s about me, the way that I’ve changed because of it, changing who I am now, and keeping myself accountable and giving myself the guts to do things that I wouldn’t normally do.

Sometimes, I’ll talk about goals. Other times, I may whine. Its going to be a roller coaster, because that’s where I am right now. I’ll have other content here and there, because one can only take so much of a person’s whines and tribulations. I’m staying open to guest bloggers, because I like doing them, even though not a lot of people want to come and play here. That’s okay. I like my house on the web.

I think I’ve said enough for today. The rest–and there is a lot–will come when it’s time to share, when it can carry enough weight for me to justify it for the world to see.  I hope you’ll follow along.

365 Days to a New Me.

That sounds like one of those diet books.

365 Days to a New Life.

Now that sounds like one of those self-help books. Yet, mostly accurate right now.

I’m embarking on a new chapter of my life today. Today is the 8th anniversary of my final divorce decree. Why is that important you ask? Because that was the last chapter I started. I will probably refer to this chapter as the one where in romance novels, would have the Black Moment. That moment when the two main characters hit rock bottom, and realize that they are absolutely miserable without each other.

I will never say I was absolutely miserable without my ex-husband. Our divorce is quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever done for myself and my children. I thought that I loved him, when in reality, I was in love with the idea. I wanted so badly to have a family, to have a home of my own, to live my life on my own terms, that I forgot everything that makes a marriage work.

You know how you get those moments of epiphany where you realize you’re at a turning point in your life? Yeah. I’m there. I feel like I’m at the bottom of wherever I’ve been.

I have great kids. Both straight A students. I worried for years if they’d turn out like their dad, especially when the oldest, EmoBoy, started displaying signs of behaviors I recognized in his father. I still worry that he’ll follow that path that led his father down to ruin. His father is in his 40s now, and he’s still the same person he was when I divorced him. I have no doubt he’ll be the same person ten years from now. “People change” is the old adage I’ve heard for years. Apparently, not everyone does.

I look back on my life for the last eight years and I realize that I’ve been living my own Black Moment and I utterly refuse to keep doing so. I’m at this point in my life where I’m feeling like I’m drowning. I’m so busy, and I’m not getting anything done. I’ve overextended myself. I have school, kids, kids’ school, PTA (that I’m not even that involved with), military, writing, graphic design work… That’s so much more than one person should be able to handle by herself. Other writers can do it, but they’ve got the support of a spouse to lean on. I’m a single parent, have been for eight years now. You’d think I’d have this down.

But I don’t. I just don’t know how. I see other single parents do it. I know that it’s possible. For me, though… It hasn’t been.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m giving myself a year. I intend to be at a point where I will be self-sufficient in 365 days. Each day, I need to take a step. I’ll continue working on my Dave Ramsey financial plan. I’ll continue writing. I’ll continue graphic designing. I’ll be publishing. All these things will get me through this year and well on my way to being independent.

I’ve got a new Serious Writing Career Plan that I wrote up last week. It occurred to me that I was doing a yearly one, and a monthly one, but not a six month one. So, I wrote one. I’ll share it with those that help me with writing, because they’ll hold me accountable for it. I said I’d do it, and that’s what’s going to happen. It’s time, people. I’m climbing my way out of my Black Moment and I’m moving on to the The Cheesy Showdown and the Resolution of my story.

Because shit’s gotta change.

 ~~~

If you’d like to join me in this little personal adventure, please feel free to do so. It’s always nicer to undergo complete transformation of your life with other people. Or if you’d like to just cheer me along, stop by often. My goal is to post every day about something I did to change my life, no matter how small. I’ll also be tweeting things under the hashtag #365tolife every day that I can. Thanks for following along.

Welcome to the inaugural Ask A Designer post! For those that didn’t see the post where I solicited for designer questions, Ask A Designer is my series on graphic design. Basically, readers send me questions in email, and I answer, kind of like a graphic design version of Dear Abby.

Today’s question comes from Ray S.

This email is for Ask A Designer. I’m getting ready to self-publish my first book. I’m to the point where I need to think about cover art. So my question is, where do you find the art? How do you decide what art to use? Should I just hire an artist? And if you hire someone, how do you know you’re getting your money’s worth? What happens when they try to scam you?

Okay that’s more than one question, Ray, but they’re all related. It would take an entire book to explain all the subtleties of design and if you’re interested, I would suggest the Principles of Form and Design by Wucius Wong. For today, here’s a couple quick tips to get you started.

Basics

In the Western World, we read from left to right. This means our eyes have been trained to naturally settle on the left hand side of the page and travel right. So the design needs to flow in a stimulating manner to guide the viewer across the design.

You need to decide the big picture before contacting a designer. What’s the genre? The mood? The theme of your novel? The cover is an emotional trigger, something that will fit the inside of the book.

Staying Legal

While many people know that images must be licensed, it’s a little known fact that fonts must also be licensed for commercial use. There are many free fonts out there, but only a few of them are legally able to be used for commercial products.

Hiring an Artist

A lot goes into design. It may overwhelm. The good news is that there are many, many wonderful artists emerging on the Internets (like me!). Your cover art doesn’t have to look like amateurish. You can find many good artists by asking authors whose covers you admire. Also, you can get the inside scoop by a client of that artist.

Make sure you talk about turnaround time. Right now, my turnaround time is about two weeks, because I’m pretty much caught up at the moment. However, an in-demand artist may be booked months in advance. Plan ahead.

Don’t Get Scammed

Scammers are everywhere. The best thing you can do is get everything you and the designer talk about in writing. Make sure you understand the contract and don’t sign it until you do. I have two things my clients get from me. The first is a project proposal, detailing what i do and what I charge. This is built from a questionnaire I give them and contains timelines, expenses, and budget for their project. I then take that (once we’re agreed on everything) and plug it into my standard contract which is signed through an electronic service.

Like any business partnership, it’s important to communicate your expectations, but also listen to the designer’s expectations as well. Their life is design, which means they’ll know what will work. Keep an open mind.

I hope that helps you, Ray!

Welcome to another Six Sentence Sunday,where over two hundred authors get together and share six sentences from their work.

It’s getting down to the wire for Christmas stories, even for indie authors. So I decided it was time to work on mine. This week’s Six Sentence Sunday is from Three for the Holidays, my holiday novella I’m publishing in October.

Garrett’s skin itched. Absently, he rubbed at his arm, over the anchor tattoo just below the inside of his elbow as he pumped gas into his sedan. It was just the cold from the snowy air, or that’s what he was telling himself. He watched the digital display of the gas pump as it ticked away, waiting for it to stop.

Anticipation. That’s what it was.

If you’d like to join other authors in Six Sentence Sunday or want to read other delicious six sentences, click on through to this website and get your fiction fix.

 

Five Ways Romance Rocks My Socks

There are actually many more ways that romance rocks my socks, but today we’re just going to take five, so you have time to go visit all the other lovely people on this blog hop and get a chance to win stuff. So, let’s get on with it, okay?

1. Romance can be any setting, any time period.

Romance offers any kind of book you want. Epic fantasy? We got it. Science fiction? We got that too. There is not another genre that is overall so versatile and diverse. The authors that write romance are an eclectic group, varying in interests so wide it would take a lifetime to experience them all. The result is a genre so diverse, it’s a whole community in itself.

2. Romance has character-driven stories to wrench your heart.

Out of all the books I’ve ever read, I’ve cried over two. They were both romances. For thrillers, you’re getting a heavy duty save the world plot out of it. In romance, you may have that heavy duty plot, but the focus is on the relationship, on the characters and the journey they go through together.

3. There’s a lot of mantitty on those covers.

Yes, i realize this is just a little shallow. But I love seeing the romance book covers with the mantitty on the front. It’s like it’s a statement of “women can be pervy too!” I’ve talked to writers who think having a bare-chested man on their cover is a badge of honor. I think it’s kind of awesome, myself.

4. Romance is smart and sexy.

There are all kinds of heat levels in romance. You can go from closed-door sex to in-the-park sex. But the one thing that ties romance together is the intelligence of the women that write it. Lawyers, aeronautical engineers, doctors… Yes, I know a rocket scientist who writes romance novels.

5. Empowering women.

True, the romance novels of the 80s were more of a rape fantasy than anything, but these days, romance novels feature smart, sassy heroines who can take care of themselves. They don’t need that man to run their lives. They need him to complete their hearts. Sure they could live without the man, but they WANT him there.

So what makes romance awesome for you? What do you love about it? What rocks your socks about romance?

~~~

I love your comments! So as a thank you for commenting, all of you will be entered into a drawing for ONE $5 B&N giftcard to spend on whatever you want! Winner will be contacted by email 

But that’s not all….

Romancing the Hop Blog Hop has THREE grand prizes. You as a reader can go to EACH blog and comment with your email address and be entered to win. Yep, you can enter over 100 times!

Grand Prizes:



1st Grand Prize: A Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet
2nd Grand Prize: A $130 Amazon or B&N Gift Card
3rd Grand Prize: The following Swag Pack!

Visit the other blogs on this list and leave comments for additional entries for the grand prizes!

Naturally, as soon as I hit publish on my post for the day, something else pops up in my feed. Did you guys know that yesterday was Women’s Equality Day? I didn’t! Anyway, On August 26, 1920, women finally got the vote, 72 years after it was first proposed.

Here’s the text of the resolution Congress did, designating the day as Women’s Equality Day in 1971.*

Joint Resolution of Congress, 1971Designating August 26 of each year as Women’s Equality Day

WHEREAS, the women of the United States have been treated as second-class citizens and have not been entitled the full rights and privileges, public or private, legal or institutional, which are available to male citizens of the United States; and


WHEREAS, the women of the United States have united to assure that these rights and privileges are available to all citizens equally regardless of sex;


WHEREAS, the women of the United States have designated August 26, the anniversary date of the passage of the Nineteenth Amendment, as symbol of the continued fight for equal rights: and


WHEREAS, the women of United States are to be commended and supported in their organizations and activities,

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, that August 26 of each year is designated as “Women’s Equality Day,” and the President is authorized and requested to issue a proclamation annually in commemoration of that day in 1920, on which the women of America were first given the right to vote, and that day in 1970, on which a nationwide demonstration for women’s rights took place.

*The text is copied from Wikipedia.

Women’s suffrage is a matter very near and dear to my heart so I’m surprised that I hadn’t learned of this much earlier in life. Ladies, take a moment today and be thankful, and keep hoping that someday, the double standards vanish.

Dear Readers,

Today is the first day of school. I love this day more than Christmas. I love this day more than Thanksgiving. I love it more than pecan pie, and that’s saying something.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. I love having them around. But at some point, it’s time for them to go so I can feel like I miss them.

Today, my oldest enters seventh grade. My youngest is fifth grade. I’m glad I had them two years apart instead of three otherwise next year I’d have to deal with two kids in new schools.

I don’t have much to say today, but I did want to express how wonderful it is to have a quiet house, hours of time to actually write and do All the Things I didn’t have time for during the summer.

And speaking of writing, I should take advantage of this opportunity.

Happy School Year!

Welcome to Six Sentence Sunday, the day in which I join a couple hundred other authors to showcase fun six sentence long snippets on their blogs.

 

This week, I’m going back to my contemporary military romance story about friends to lovers to married couple Ethan and Ashlynn. This is from the opening scene.

Both his parents stilled simultaneously. His mother coughed; his father’s eyes narrowed. Shit. He hadn’t meant to tell them yet. He glanced at the clock. He was going to be late for lunch. Ash was going to kill him. Of course, he could make it worse and blurt out that he’d been sleeping with Ash for the last two years too; his parents would love that.

For those new to Six Sentence Sunday, you can play too:

1) pick a book– a current Work in Progress, contracted work or even something readers can buy if you’re published

2) pick six sentences from anywhere in the story

3) post them on Sunday (hence the Six Sentence SUNDAY)

Want to play? See the site: Six Sentence Sunday

Today I’m having the lovely Hailey Edwards over to talk a little bit about her new book, Soul Weaver and you get an excerpt too! Read on, my little darlings, and see why I

The Fear of Falling

Fear is hardwired into us from birth, or so experts say. I read an article once that said we’re all born with two fears: the fear of heights and the fear of sudden noises. If that’s true, I forgot to outgrow the first. I’m terrified of heights. I always have been.

I remember my aunts taking me to Gatlinburg during the summer for vacation and being so afraid I curled into a ball in the floorboard rather than look outside my window and see just how high and winding those mountain roads were.

Even now, as an adult, when I take elevators I break out in a cold sweat. I won’t stay in a hotel above the third floor and even that’s pushing it. When I drive through Atlanta and see the skyscrapers, it gives me chills and I sink down low in my seat. Needless to say, I don’t fly—at all—not ever.

While there are lesser fears I’ve mastered over the years, my fear of heights is one I just can’t shake. Maybe I was born with it. Maybe I grew into it. Either way, it shapes how I travel and how I view the places I visit. It affects me and my family. That phobia ripples through my life, through their lives.

In Soul Weaver, the heroine, Chloe, has to overcome one of her greatest fears. Tell me one thing you’re afraid of and you’ll be entered to win your choice of any title from my digital backlist (excluding Soul Weaver) in any digital format.

Find Hailey Edwards online:

Website
Facebook
Twitter
Blog

About Soul Weaver

Since the accident that nearly took her life, Chloe suffers from acute agoraphobia. Living alone above her family’s bookstore, she spends restless nights terrified by strange visions . . . until a mysterious stranger appears and offers her salvation. Chloe is drawn to the ethereal, gorgeous Nathaniel—but her haunted soul warns her there is more to him than meets the eye.

An archangel who roams Earth collecting souls of the newly departed, Nathanial is the sole witness to the accident that should have taken Chloe’s life. Seduced by the purity of her soul, he defies Providence by saving her life. But his attempt at kindness marks Chloe for damnation, and makes her an unwitting pawn in a game of unholy ambition. Now together they must fight the demons of Hell itself—for a love that defies the boundaries of Heaven and Earth.

Excerpt from Soul Weaver

“If you’re asking me to choose, I choose you.” His lips brushed over hers. “I always will.”

“You’ll leave when this job is over,” she said. He couldn’t deny the fact.

His eyes flashed dark. No longer warm tropical waters, they were storm tossed and forceful. When his smile came, it held a sharp edge. “I’ll take you with me.” He nipped at her lips, forcing them open so his tongue could dip inside.

Her eyes closed to better enjoy him. Desire roared to life between them, fanned the flames low in her belly until they licked along her insides.

Leaving wasn’t a possibility. When things cooled between them, he would realize she must stay. The break up would hurt, but they would both move on when his job was finished. He would return to his world while she remained here, in hers.

She groaned beneath his lips and he smiled against her mouth. God, she would miss him.

He traded his hold on the window for her. Cupped her shoulder, then smoothed down her back. Fisted the fabric of her shirt and tugged until his palm flattened against her spine, skin to glorious skin. She moaned into their kiss, leaned farther, reached for him, grabbed his belt loop, and tugged him flush against the wall, against her.

“Did you hear that?” His hand continued its downward trek, fingers teasing the waistband of her jeans and sneaking between the denim and her skin.

“I didn’t hear anything.” She nipped his bottom lip, slid her hand around his hip and into his back pocket. When she squeezed, his groan vibrated through their lips. Her other hand was making its way toward his other pocket when she heard it too—a familiar sharp, buzzing sound.

He broke their kiss. “You don’t hear that?”

Of all the times for Neve to arrive, this was the absolute worst. “It’s the doorbell.”

“You’re expecting someone this late?” As if remembering, he nodded. “Neve, right?”

“Right.” Chloe withdrew her hand from his back pocket. She didn’t even cop one last feel. It seemed kind of rude given the moment had passed. “You’re welcome to stay if you’d like.”

“Thanks, but I should go.” He traced over the elastic band of her panties. She couldn’t remember which pair she was wearing, but she sent up a quick prayer they were sexy.

The buzzing resumed and Chloe sighed. “I guess I’ll see you Monday, then.”

“Bright and early.” He stole a final kiss and withdrew. “Enjoy your weekend.”

“You too.” Before he turned, Chloe added, “Think about what I said, okay?”

“I’ve already made up my mind.” He sounded certain. “But we can finish this Monday.”

For a minute, her brain hazed over. Finish this? Finish what, exactly? Their conversation or where their hands had left off before they were interrupted?

 Thanks, Hailey, for coming to visit today! Don’t forget about the giveaway! Tell Hailey one thing you’re afraid of and you’ll be entered to win your choice of any title from her digital backlist (excluding Soul Weaver) in any digital format.