Jen Mann's Blog, page 3

Dear Family, Friends, Strangers on the Internet, Weirdos Who Send Dick Pics, and Hate-Readers,

Happy Holidays! Can you believe that the decade is coming to a close? I don't know about you, but I still write 1990 on my checks. Yeah, I still write checks, that's probably why I think it's 1990.

This has been quite a year for me and my family! Where do I start?

The kids are aging faster than ever.

Gomer is a freshman in high school this year. He mostly communicates through grunts, text...

It's the most wonderful time of the year! (If you like to shop, that is.) For the past few years I've made wish lists on the blog and this year is no different. I polled my friends and family to see what they're hoping to find wrapped and waiting for them and I've come up with a helpful list for you.

I also added a new category this year: some favorites from my Facebook group MIDLIFE BITES. The Midlife Bites group has their own Wish List this year based on what they're recommending and asking...

Just a few of the elves who made this magic happen!
On Halloween night, my mom took her dog out for a walk before bedtime. It was dark and she was in a hurry to get back home so she could start decorating for Christmas. (If you're a little shocked by that last bit, it must be because you've never read Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat. If you'd read that book, then you'd know that my mom begins the arduous task of decorating for Christmas the moment she says...

This week I dropped off Gomer for his first day of high school.

I think he was in kindergarten when I started this blog, so I can't even right now. This raising teen stuff is hard. I'll take potty-training any day of the week, please.

A lot has changed over the years. He's now taller than me (which isn't that hard), hairier than me (which is harder than you'd think), and quieter than me (no one in this family is louder than me, although Adolpha's trying to take that spot).



Gomer used to be...

Hi everybody this is Gomer today is take your child to work day and in order to stay home my mom said I had to write a 100 word blog post about anything, and since I can write about anything I am going to write a 49 word list describing my mom.
Nice (sometimes)HappyStressedStrict Annoying Unfair KindDeafSmart-ishGenerous Creative EmotionalPowerfulPassionate SnarkyFunnyBossy Angry LovingCaring ShortLoudDark (sense of...

Hi it's Adolpha here!

Today is take your kid to work day so me and Gomer are working for our mom. So far the life of a writer isn't so bad. I've gotten to update her Insta and take pictures of my stuffed animals and write about them. So go like those pictures!


Now I'm going to talk about some other stuffed animals. So I have these stuffed animals called Squishmallows and I name them sad middle-aged man names (sorry if you have any of these names).

So the first ones name is Carl. I named him...

I'm a talker.

I don't mean I talk a lot. (Even though I'm sure everyone who has ever met me would argue on that one.) 
What I mean is there isn't a topic that's off-limits in our house. Our house is a safe space where I encourage my kids to ask me anything.
And my kids take it seriously. Sometimes the questions are so outrageous I have to clutch my pearls and grab the smelling salts. Sometimes the questions are so ridiculous I have to stop myself from laughing in their faces. And...

So, I'm sure you've heard by now that several wealthy, privileged assholes paid thousands of dollars to get their kids into elite universities. The news has been covering the story breathlessly and my social media feed is full of people yelling, "What about the children?"

What about the children?



This is exactly what these children have been taught to expect their entire lives. They've been raised in an environment where everything has been handed to them on a platter. They've never had to...

So I'm pretty sure I'm going through a midlife crisis. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like the more I try to keep from falling apart, the faster I fall apart. I feel like I'm drowning and I can't breathe. And, on top of all that, I also feel numb. I'm not positive that's a midlife crisis, because when I Google midlife crisis or signs of a midlife crisis, so much of the information points to how men feel or how men can cope. There's not a lot of information out there for women.

I...

Heya! What are you doing today? I'm just working...like always. I have to work every day or else I'm not going to get paid, y'know? It can be kind of a drag after a while and I'm always like, "How am I ever going to retire? My kids will have to sell books at my funeral to pay for my coffin."

Money is something that keeps me up at night. Sure, I could spend less, but where's the fun in that? I'd rather just come up with new ways to make more money.

Today I stumbled upon my retirement plan. I'm...