Jen Mann's Blog, page 9

1.Pumpkin-flavor everything.Pumpkin lattes start showing up in August and then it just snowballs from there. I don't even like pumpkin in a pie, but no one wants to eat a pumpkin popsicle.
2. Douchey Dads who can't take their kids trick-or-treating without pulling a wagon of beer behind them.What is the deal? This is a pretty easy job and isn't very stressful. It takes a couple of hours to walk through the neighborhood, wave to the person at the door, and yell something like, “Anything good for...

Just when you think your Aunt Marge isn't the nicest aunt in the world, you should thank your lucky stars that you don't have Aunt Jen. No. I'm not talking about me. I'm a GREAT aunt! (Right, nieces and nephews??? Right???? You'd better say the right answer or you'll hear from my lawyer!)

I'm talking about Jennifer Connell, the worst aunt in the world.

So, Auntie Jen went to her 8-year-old nephew's birthday party a few years ago. He was very excited to see Jen, probably because Jen sneaks him...

I had the most bizarre dream last night. It was about Jimmy Fallon. It wasn't erotic, although he is a cutie-patootie. It was all business related.

Jimmy Fallon called me and said, "What's up, cuz?" and I was like, "Umm, excuse me? Am I being punked right now?"

Jimmy laughed that cackle-y laugh of his and said, "No! We're actually cousins. Well, we're third cousins twice removed or something like that. I can't remember exactly. See, Ancestory.com wants to sponsor my show and my team and I...

Hellooooooo! How are you guys? I feel like I haven't talked to you in a long time. That's because I've been super duper crazy busy working on ...

THIS!!!

That's right, people! I have a brand spanking new book out.
Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Yuletide Yahoos, Ho-Ho-Humblebraggers and Other Seasonal Scourges (STHWPIWTT: YYHH&OSS from here on out) is coming out on October 13. You can wait til then to get it or if you think you're going to be busy, then...

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed this weekend and I saw a very upsetting status update from my friend Molly at A Day in Mollywood.

Molly came home last week to find this note on her door:

Source: InstagramIt says:

YOUR HOUSE IS THE FIRST HOUSE THAT EVERYONE SEES WHEN THEY ENTER THE NEIGHBORHOOD, COULD YOU PLEASE SHOW A LITTLE PRIDE OF OWNERSHIP AND TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR YARD! THANKS. [Smiley face]

First of all, I have no idea what Molly's lawn looks like, but in my lifetime of...

OK, so picture this. I'm sitting in my office in my pjs and I get an email saying something like, "Hi Jen, I represent Hallmark and we'd love to work together. Let me know if you're interested." (I mean, obviously, it was a better crafted letter than that, but close enough for blogging, right?)


I finish reading the email and I start looking around for TV cameras, because I'm obviously being punked. Nobody jumped out from behind the door and yelled, "Just kidding!" so I wrote back: "Are you...

If you're friends with me on Facebook, then you probably saw me share this picture the other day.

Image: Reddit
It's the world's saddest mannequin.

At first I thought she was just sad because she'd always dreamed of being a mannequin in Nordstrom and instead she got The Salvation Army.

I also thought maybe she was a mistake. Maybe she was a random mannequin that got messed up on the manufacturing line and the thrift shop got her for a steal. UNTIL other friends started sharing pics of this...

I was out running errands with my mom and she told me she needed some lunch. She asked if we could stop at Taco Bell and get something to eat. We stopped at a restaurant with a wonky layout. See if you can follow along: so, you have the main floor where you order your food and there is lots of seating there and then there's this elevated part that holds 15 or so people and they overlook the lower dining area. My mom and I sat in the lower dining area right next to the elevated part where people...

You might be a suburban mom if ... 

Your full-time job is unpaid volunteer at your children's school.

You've taken a crossfit, barre, hot yoga, pole dancing, kettlebell, or aqua zumba class.

You've ever adopted a vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, or paleo diet -- and it had nothing to do with allergies.

The people who work at the checkout at Target know your cycle.

You think yoga pants can be worn anywhere -- including formal events.

You pay hundreds of dollars a week to...

Today I had some time on my hands and some seriously bushy eyebrows (as I was kindly reminded the other night).  Instead of going to my usual waxing joint, I decided I'd go to someplace a little closer.  I was running errands and I saw a sign for waxing.  I figured I would pop in there instead of driving across town to my usual place.

The sign said walk-ins welcome and I was hoping I could just run in quickly, get the brows ripped, trimmed and tweezed into shape and be on my...