Why wait until New Year? Why not start right now to become the quality person you want to be. Isn't there too much needless suffering due to resentment, confusion, lack of forgiveness, and understanding of some of the painful situations we live?

At the end of three decades, after trying everything I could imagine, I sat with my distress and tried to figure out how I could save myself from more needless and confusing suffering. I picked up my pen and began writing and the rest is history.

What came out of this exercise to exorcise was my book The Basket Weaver.

Here is an excerpt. (In this scene Alana is trying to enter a past life experience in Tulum to do some healing with her sister. Molo is the healer.)

“Listen carefully: you will not die. Now is the time to use your strong will.”
Hot tears slide down my cheeks. I can’t drop into Tulum, but something has happened because I can’t get back to Molo either.
“Do as I say, don’t get lost in a fake reality. Your emotions are real, but they belong to an illusion. Find the strength from your dream and nourish yourself. Call up that strength and let it take you to Tulum.”
Everything feels dark and ominous. I am lost, lost in space, lost inside myself, lost from all sense of worlds. I feel turned inside out.
Molo’s voice comes through like strong wind. “Accept and acknowledge the present moment. Allow it to be. Embrace it.”
I allow the feeling of nothingness, become one with it, and then suddenly I drop into Tulum’s meadow. Kikuat is near a tree and catches my eye, smiles, and walks away. My sister comes near, giggling with her friends. I describe the scene to Molo.
“See? See how as soon as you stop fighting yourself, reality is more available? Now, stay mindful of each moment no matter how it feels. Then you will find your way back to yourself. Whatever you are feeling, let yourself claim it. Know this: your sister is not your source for love. No human being is your source. If you don’t see this, you’ll never overcome the power you give others over you.”
I turn to face my sister and tell her I am not her enemy. I let her know that I really want to be her friend. She pulls back to get more distance. I know this moment is crucial. I stop, unsure of what to do next.
Molo’s voice instructs me to find a quiet place. I walk to a large banana tree and sit.
“Good. Now is the time to realize that you are not what others say you are. So, tell me, what makes other’s judgments about you true?”
“Well, I must have done something wrong, or they wouldn’t have these judgments.” My heart squeezes tight.
“No, listen to my question. Tell me, what about you makes their judgments true?”
“I don’t know how to answer that,” I respond.
“Alana, even if you did something horrible to your sister, why wouldn’t she bring it to you for resolution instead of holding it against you? That is what healthy people do. Think beyond this. There are two possibilities: one, she has an inability to solve her own distress without rage, and two, there is no problem except her own interpretation which she is not willing to re-assess. Neither option says anything about you; they say something about her.”
Surprisingly, I can smell the vanilla fragrance wafting up from the lit candles in Molo’s living room. I laugh. For the first time I see my sister as a stranger, unattached to me, and it tickles. I have two bodies now, the one on the moist grass in Tulum and the one on a chair in Molo’s living room.
“Good. You have become light, laugh more.”
I laugh again.
“Stay there and laugh for a while.”
I giggle for a few moments, uncontrollably. I see love emanating from me.
“Good,” Molo says again. “Now look over at your sister. Do you see her?”
I nod.
“Ask yourself why you seek her love if she isn’t good to you.”
“She’s my sister. I love her. Why wouldn’t I want her to love me in return?”
“I understand. We each want love from those we love. However, she isn’t giving you love. She isn’t giving you respect or kindness or any of the other qualities that comprise love. What are you going to do about that?”
“I guess I can try harder.”
“You think that will work?”
I stop, pick up a dry banana leaf off the ground, and snap it in half. “No,” I say sadly. “But…I have to do something.”
“Why?”
“To be loved back.”
“That’s not good enough.”
A slight wind blows my hair; the salty wind cools my hot tears. I take a deep breath.
“Yes, your soul wants you to let in some fresh air.”
“I feel light now, but when I think of my relationship with my sister, I feel a sickening struggle.”
“Yes, what if you stayed in the lightness?”
“It’s painful; I’m getting angry.”
“Why?”
I get an urge to run as fast as I can.
“Why?”
“I don’t like the price of the lightness.”
“Stay in the moment.”
“I feel a little stronger,” I announce.
“Good. You have given your body back its strength.”
Just then my sister interrupts, and I stand to face her.
“You aren’t getting your baskets; they are mine. Do not ask me for anything anymore because I will never help you. I don’t like you.” Her veins push out of her neck, and her eyes are venomous.
Within seconds the strength drains out of me. I fall to my knees from the impact of her words; they steal my breath. I try to find the strength to stand. My knees buckle.
“I am coming in to get you,” Molo calls. She appears on the grass in front of my sister. “You are angry with her?” she asks my sister.
“Yes.”
“Why is that?”
“She is always telling me what to do. I hate her.”
“Do you need guidance for what to do?”
My sister glares at Molo out of the corner of her eyes. “No. I can make my own decisions,” she bristles.
Molo turns towards me. “Tell your sister that from now on you will let her make her own decisions. Tell her that it is you who doesn’t want to have a relationship with her anymore. Tell her she can keep the baskets, but each time she uses any one of them, she will be reminded of how much you love her. Love and let go. Love her in your heart if you must, and let go of her. Turn this over to God, your true source of love. You must do this or a part of you will die while it’s waiting for her to love you in return.”
Molo turns me around to face my sister. “Tell her when she learns to be kind to you, you will be there for her. Until she finds a place of kindness for you, you will remain distant.”
I turn to my sister and say what Molo wants me to say. Molo’s hands are pressing my shoulders. We wait for my sister to respond. Arrogantly, my sister turns and walks away. Molo walks me to the banana tree and pushes me to sit.
“It is better for your sister if you stop sending her love. Send it to healthier places. Make space between you two so you can move fully into the present moments of your own life. No one ever knows what someone will do when they are given the space they think they want.”
“So making space between us is good for her?”
“Yes, it is good for her, and for you too.”
“Really?”
“There is no other way.”
She takes my hand, and together we reenter her living room. I feel the chair under my legs and my feet on her velvet carpet. When I open my eyes, she is sitting in front of me holding out a glass of water. I take it and drink fast. All thoughts and emotions evaporate. My body goes limp.
“How do you feel?”
“I feel…I feel…empty.”
“Good,” she nods in approval, “feeling empty is a form of peace. It is a place of great space. Emptiness is a place of great beginnings.”

end of quote. I do hope that this passage gives you food for thought so in this new year 2012 you will have healthier relationships with everyone you know and yourself.

The Basket Weaver can be ordered at:
www.createspace.com/3553668 or www.JanMarquart.com

Happy New Year!
Until next time,
Jan