So yesterday, we discussed my failure to understand the purpose of a pocket hole jig and thus failure to correctly use it in building a headboard and bed for the Faerie. Luckily, since we’re now at the point where I built the actual bed frame, my failure to correctly use a pocket hole jig is no longer an issue, and we can move on to my other failures in bed-building (which ultimately lead to success, yay!).

So as I said yesterday, the next step was to move the whole project into Faerie’s bedroom, so I could build the actual frame.

My plan was to use the 2×4 that is the bottom slat of the headboard as the base for the bed frame; that is to say, my plan was to attach the 2x6es that were the long sides of the frame to it, and to attach the 2×4 to the wall studs, for extra stability and strength. I thought this was a very good plan–and it is, except for one thing.

See, because I am avoiding pocket holes, my plan was to simply screw the 2x6s in through the back of the frame, which was attached to the studs in the wall. A straight right-angle join, in other words; the screw goes through the 2×4 leg of the bed and into the 2×6. If you see the problem, you are more clever than me, because I didn’t realize it until I had already screwed the bed to the wall.

Actually, no. The first problem was that thanks to all those screw heads oddly sticking out of the back of the headboard, the headboard could not sit flush against the wall, so it could not be screwed into the studs. “No problem,” I thought. “I’ll just attach another 2×4 to the studs, and attach the bed frame to that.” Which is what I did. Which worked just fine. I used three three-inch cabinet screws on each stud (this project, by the way, is where I discovered that there are absolutely NOT as many studs in the walls of this house as there ought to be. The 44-inch headboard covered exactly two studs; even worse, when I went to build the bedside table, which is about 24 inches long, I found ONE stud between the corner of the room and the window in the middle of the wall. ONE. I am trying to remind myself that this house is fifty years old now and is therefore obviously capable of withstanding more than a stiff breeze, but I admit I am not pleased with this discovery. Anyway) and a couple of those plastic thingies that go in the wall when you don’t have a stud, too, just to be safe.

Then, satisfied with my excellent work, I happily drove about a dozen more of those three-inch screws through the 2×4 base slat into the 2×4 leader board affixed to the studs. I had driven the last screw and was surveying my work with satisfaction when I realized the problem: with the headboard attached to the wall, I couldn’t drive screws through the back and into the 2x6s.

Oops.

So, I unscrewed those dozen screws, sigh, and pulled the headboard back off the wall. That was when I also decided that it would be best to attach the footboard to the 2x6s before attaching the 2x6s to the headboard, which is where another problem came in. (These are the things those build-stuff websites never seem to tell you about, btw, is stuff like this.)

The footboard was made basically the same way as the headboard, only lower; two 2×4 legs, and a 2×6 horizontally between them to hold up the mattress/be part of the bedframe. I thought I took a picture of it right after I built it, but I guess I didn’t, so I just went in and woke the sleeping Faerie so I could get a quick snap of it–well, of the corner of it, but it’s enough for you to get the idea:

Sorry for the lighting; Faerie was asleep so just had her little Xmas lights on

So I flipped the footboard upside down and attached the 2×6 long frame pieces to the legs of the footboard, going through the back/front of the footboard to do so–you can see the heads of the screws there. Great, right? Except, remember, I was driving the screws connecting the legs and the horizontal 2×6 in at angles, so when we went to flip the footboard and frame pieces (there has to be a better term for those?) right-side-up…the wood cracked. (You can see the crack there, in fact, if you look.) Fuck.

Well, whatever. Luckily, that 2×6 wasn’t the only thing that would hold up the mattress, and the 2×6 wasn’t reliant solely on those legs. Because the next step, after screwing the 2x6s into the headboard, was to screw 2x4s inside the 2x6s (and another 2×4 down the center), to form a base for the slats that would hold the mattress. Like so:

See? It’s level and everything!

If you zoom in (if you can), you can see the level is actually sitting on the 2x4s. The 2x4s actually connect to each other at the footboard, which is why the split didn’t really concern me too much–they not only hold the split back together, they hold the whole frame together.

So. It was almost done, yay! And luckily we managed to do the rest without real difficulty. I screwed the headboard back into the leader board and used a metal brace thingy (that’s the technical name) that’s actually used for roof/floor joists to connect a third 2×4 to the headboard and footboard, to give the mattress more support. I’d planned to use 1x3s to make the slats, but not only did I end up buying two fewer 1x3s than I needed, I also decided I wanted to give the mattress even more support. I had a couple of the headboard 1x4s left over, so I used those, and we had a length of 1×6 from a different project do I figured what the hell, I’ll stick that in there, too. I screwed all of the slats down:

The 1×6 is all the way to the left, barely visible.

…and that was it!

I made that!

…for this stage, anyway.

See those boxes under there? Well. We still wanted to be able to store those boxes, AND Faerie wants not just drawers, but a trundle bed, too. So that bed is 29 inches high, or rather, the bottom of the 2×6 is 29 inches high.

That’s a high bed. (Although we discovered after I climbed up on it that Bullitt is still capable of jumping up onto it.) Like most human beings over the age of twelve, Faerie is taller than me, but even she found it a little…well, not difficult, but more difficult than she wanted when it came to bed, given that she is like me in that we’re both basically zombies for a good ten minutes after we are forced to open our eyes and reluctantly leave the wonderful coziness of our beds. So she didn’t want to have to basically vault into and out of bed, and I can’t really blame her.

A few weeks ago, my darling little “niece” next door turned two, and Tia Stacia made her a little stepstool out of a 2×4. So I thought, hey, if my Faerie would like a boost getting into and out of bed, why not make one for her? A bigger one, since her feet aren’t really going to fit on the single piece of 2×4 that served as the bottom step for Tia’s little pumpkin?

I had a couple of 2 1/2 foot chunks of 2×6 left, so I used those. Two pieces were cut to 15 inches long, and two more to 7 inches. I stacked the short pieces on top of the longer, with the back end of the top piece an inch farther forward than the back end of the bottom piece (to make room for a bracer across the back), and screwed them together. By now, of course, I’d realized how pocket holes are supposed to work; I still can’t find the bit for the jog, and without a clamp it doesn’t matter anyway, but I basically used the side of my thickest drill bit to gauge two pocket holes out of the top piece of wood, so it worked the same way though it wasn’t/isn’t as nice and tidy. From there it was easy: I screwed a 12-inch piece of 2×4 across the back of the bottom pieces–inside the ends, so the whole thing is flush at the back–and then two 14-inch pieces made up each step. Those were flush at the front, but the one in back on the top step hung over about an inch–which meant I could fit another 14-inch piece across the back, just beneath it.

And so Faerie had a stepstool!

Stepstool!

Another view of the stepstool!

Last came the bedside table. I would wait to post that, but honestly, it’s not enough of a story for an entire post, and I’m sure you don’t want to be subjected to a third post about making furniture by hand.

Really, the bedside table was straightforward, for the most part. Four lengths of 2×4 in a rectangle–actually, three to form the front and sides of a rectangle, at first–and three 1x4s across the top, to make, well, a table, basically. My plan, which I thought was very clever, was to fasten the final 2×4 to the studs and then fit the rest of the rectangle over/around it, screwing the ends to that stud-connected 2×4 and adding a couple of screws through the top 1×4 into the 2×4, making a nice solid “hanging” table.

But remember the part where I said I discovered there was only one stud between the corner of the room and the window? One stud, for a space of about 36 inches? Yeah, this is where I discovered that the stud in not only all by itself, but broken or something.

I screwed the 2×4 into the stud and pressed down on one end. It tilted. I added another screw above it; it tilted. WTF?

I unscrewed it, drilled a couple of holes at the ends of the 2×4 into the wall and added a couple of those plastic anchors, thinking it would add the stability we wanted. I pressed down gently on the end; it stayed put. Yay! So I went ahead and placed the rest of the table over it and screwed it in. Then I pressed down on it, on the “floating” side, expecting it to be solid as a rock.

It shifted forward. God damn it!

But thankfully, this was easily remedied. Another chunk of 2×4, cut at an angle at both ends, fitted underneath the center of the table and screwed into the stud lower down, where it is apparently not broken. Finally, it was steady, and it only took, oh, half an hour longer than it should have!

It floats…we all float…

So that’s it (mostly) for Faerie’s Superbed. Except for the drawers that need to go under it, and the trundle, which I may or may not bore you all with. Honestly, despite all the complications caused by my inexperience (and before this I thought I was decently experienced, actually, given all the work we did on this house two years ago, which is still ongoing to some extent), it was a lot easier than I thought it would be before I got started on it. I’m now not only looking forward to building Princess’s Superbed, but to building one for Hubs and me. I’m kind of doing all these piecemeal, as I have the time and money for wood and screws and such–which, btw, if you’re someone who, like us, needs to think about affording things, making this bed was less expensive than buying one, especially if you consider that she wants drawers and a trundle. So far we spent about $100 on the wood, not all of which is represented in the above (there’s plywood for the base the drawers will go on, frex, and a few more studs to brace the plywood); I think the whole thing will end up around $150, which if you consider that it will have drawers and a trundle, and that a bed with drawers alone can run at least that much, AND that it is a custom height, is a pretty good deal. Plus it was fun to do, and it’s cool to look at it and think that I made it with my own two little hands. I highly recommend it for those looking for a cheap, sturdy bed!

I do still have those critiques to post, and a rant inspired by the movie “Yesterday,” which I watched most of last night, and particularly by an especially insipid, mean-spirited, and shitty article I found online about that movie–an article whose basic premise seems to be, “Talent and hard work aren’t always enough to earn lasting worldwide fame, therefore it’s mean to suggest that musicians (or artists in general) should be talented and should work hard if they want to succeed. Also the Beatles only became as popular as they were/are because people are stupid, racist sheep; people hearing their music in a vacuum, without knowing it was a famous song/band, wouldn’t be impressed at all or think they were good songs.” As you can imagine, I Have Thoughts. Oh, and Murder, She Wrote features in there, too, so make sure you come back to read it!

Have a wonderful weekend, and stay safe, everyone. I love you all.