Can you write a story and not have it be creative? Yup. Ever read a story that left you wanting to do something else in the middle of it? Don't you want a reader to give your written work undivided attention?

Watch what happens when you read. Study sentences for what they make you feel and try to identify why they make you react.

Here is an excerpt from my book Kate's Way. (www.createspace.com/3498926 now also an ebook.)

I started to back down the driveway when Richard’s car appeared. A woman in the front seat with blond hair pulled tightly back in a pony tail, mascara smeared in the corner of one eye, bent her head as I looked into the car. I wanted to look her in the eyes, let her see the woman whose marriage she broke to pieces. In her mind I was the other woman, and I had an unnerving desire for her to know me, know what she did to me, make her suffer too. I wanted to sear her eyes with my glare. She didn’t look like Richard’s type. She looked like a mix between a bull dog and a pit bull. Richard casually waved as if I wasn’t staring into the reason he broke up our marriage.

Imagine the paragraph read like this:

Richard's car pulled up with a blonde woman in the front seat. It broke my heart.

Which paragraph sounds more impactful? Why? What is it about the first paragraph that is so different from the second?

Here are a few sentences to compare:

'I enjoyed the ham sandwich' versus 'I enjoyed the ham sandwich knowing dad didn't have to slaughter miss piggy to make it.'

Which one sounds creative to you and what sentence resonates with your gut? I tell my students that to write something that makes a perfectly good and accurately stated sentence does not mean it is going to knock my socks off. What writer doesn't want to impact a reader so deeply that she doesn't take the impressions of your words into her day?

What do you think of these sentences?

I chose the green pen. versus
I chose the green pen that Aunt Helen held in her trembling hand as she wrote her last words.

He kissed me as I hoped he would. versus
He kissed me as I hoped he would because I had already decided if he didn't make my world shake that would be the last kiss he could ever make upon my lips.

Puppup was the smartest dog I ever owned. versus Puppup was the smartest dog I ever owned because he woke me up just in time as the bacon fat began a small fire on top of the stove.

Maybe my quick examples aren't the best in town but I hope I'm making the point just the same.

Read your written work aloud and as you do notice what your gut says. If it doesn't feel something I'd say rewrite them to create more than just a telling.

Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com