VISIT WITH A ROLEX A.D. ⌚
Sometime in the not too distant future ...
"Good morning, sir. Welcome to Rolex! How may I assist you?"
"I'm interested in the new 41 1/2 mil Submariner."
"Excellent. That's quite a bump up in size, however. Are you certain you can adjust to the additional heft and wrist presence?"
"I already own a 41 1/4 mil. I think I can handle it."
"Good. Some people are traumatized by the additional 1/4 millimeter. It is a bold step on the part of Rolex! If you should suddenly find yourself stricken with insomnia or a bout of bed wetting, we do have a support group that meets here on Thursdays."
"Thanks. I'm sure I'll be fine."
"Excellent! I'll just need you to sign this double-indemnity life insurance policy & legal document bequeathing all your internal organs to Rolex in case of sudden death ... and a payment of $40,000 -- cash if you've got it."
"Forty grand for a $10,000 watch!???"
"Oh, it's not for the watch, sir. It's just the application fee for our waiting list."
"How long a wait?"
"Sir, need I remind you that Einstein has already proven that time is relative?"
[Customer looks skeptical]
"However, if time is a consideration, I'm pleased to announce the opening of our new Cryogenic Freezing Facility next door to our foundry. We can keep you on Ice until a new Sub becomes available."
"Wow! And I thought making your own hairsprings was impressive."
"It's all part of our new service. We'll thaw you out once every five years to update you on our progress -- and berate you for not purchasing a Yacht-Master II instead."
"Look, this all sounds really complicated. I'm going next door to the A. Lange & Sohne boutique."
"Suit yourself. [The A.D. grins] You'll be back!"
5 minutes later, our protagonist is greeted by a paunchy, middle-aged sales rep wearing lederhosen ...
"Guten morgen, sir! Welcome to A. Lange & Sohne. Would you care for some strudel?"
"Knock off the phony sales spiel -- I just want a watch!"
"Splendid! That'll be $500,000."
"500K?"
"Did I say 500? ... I meant 250"
"$250K?"
"125?"
"Look ..."
"Okay, okay ... It's obvious you drive a hard bargain!... $50K"
"But ..."
"Well, you've really got me over a barrel -- doncha, fella? ... $10K and I'll throw in a hat ..."
"Really ..."
[The A.D. slams the watch down on the display case]
"Just take the goddamn thing!!!"
"You're GIVING me a brand new Lange???"
"Please! Take it! ... I'm sick a lookin' at the thing!!!"
"This is insane! The entire watch industry has gone friggin' insane!!!"
"You think this is insane? [Another patron who's been waiting chimes in] You should check out the F.P. Journe boutique! They're accepting applications for the new Chronomètre Bleu Squid Game ..."
THE END .... ✒
"Good morning, sir. Welcome to Rolex! How may I assist you?"
"I'm interested in the new 41 1/2 mil Submariner."
"Excellent. That's quite a bump up in size, however. Are you certain you can adjust to the additional heft and wrist presence?"
"I already own a 41 1/4 mil. I think I can handle it."
"Good. Some people are traumatized by the additional 1/4 millimeter. It is a bold step on the part of Rolex! If you should suddenly find yourself stricken with insomnia or a bout of bed wetting, we do have a support group that meets here on Thursdays."
"Thanks. I'm sure I'll be fine."
"Excellent! I'll just need you to sign this double-indemnity life insurance policy & legal document bequeathing all your internal organs to Rolex in case of sudden death ... and a payment of $40,000 -- cash if you've got it."
"Forty grand for a $10,000 watch!???"
"Oh, it's not for the watch, sir. It's just the application fee for our waiting list."
"How long a wait?"
"Sir, need I remind you that Einstein has already proven that time is relative?"
[Customer looks skeptical]
"However, if time is a consideration, I'm pleased to announce the opening of our new Cryogenic Freezing Facility next door to our foundry. We can keep you on Ice until a new Sub becomes available."
"Wow! And I thought making your own hairsprings was impressive."
"It's all part of our new service. We'll thaw you out once every five years to update you on our progress -- and berate you for not purchasing a Yacht-Master II instead."
"Look, this all sounds really complicated. I'm going next door to the A. Lange & Sohne boutique."
"Suit yourself. [The A.D. grins] You'll be back!"
5 minutes later, our protagonist is greeted by a paunchy, middle-aged sales rep wearing lederhosen ...
"Guten morgen, sir! Welcome to A. Lange & Sohne. Would you care for some strudel?"
"Knock off the phony sales spiel -- I just want a watch!"
"Splendid! That'll be $500,000."
"500K?"
"Did I say 500? ... I meant 250"
"$250K?"
"125?"
"Look ..."
"Okay, okay ... It's obvious you drive a hard bargain!... $50K"
"But ..."
"Well, you've really got me over a barrel -- doncha, fella? ... $10K and I'll throw in a hat ..."
"Really ..."
[The A.D. slams the watch down on the display case]
"Just take the goddamn thing!!!"
"You're GIVING me a brand new Lange???"
"Please! Take it! ... I'm sick a lookin' at the thing!!!"
"This is insane! The entire watch industry has gone friggin' insane!!!"
"You think this is insane? [Another patron who's been waiting chimes in] You should check out the F.P. Journe boutique! They're accepting applications for the new Chronomètre Bleu Squid Game ..."
THE END .... ✒
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