Most of us already know how increasing our positivity can boost our mood, improve our relationships, and help us navigate tough times with a bit more grace. But here’s something we don’t often talk about: positivity, when misunderstood or misused, can actually become a trap.

Have you ever caught yourself judging someone because they seem negative, dramatic, or “too much”? Maybe you think, “Why can’t they just focus on the bright side like I do?” I know I have! It can feel like we’ve somehow leveled up because we’ve trained ourselves to focus on gratitude or silver linings. But I’ve come to realize that part of real emotional growth includes more compassion for, patience with, and acceptance of others.

I’m an avoider, so I remind myself that positivity isn’t about ignoring uncomfortable feelings—ours or others’. In fact, when we use positive thinking to avoid hard emotions like sadness, anger, or fear, we’re not being stronger or wiser. We’re often just pushing down parts of ourselves that need care and attention. And those suppressed feelings? They don’t disappear. Have you noticed how they find other ways to surface—maybe as irritability, stress, physical symptoms, or burnout?

True positivity includes making room for the full human experience, even when it’s hard. It means recognizing that other people’s “negativity” might just be pain with a voice—or a need that hasn’t been met. Instead of judging, we can get curious. Instead of fixing, we can listen.

And yes, we still get to set boundaries. We can be kind and clear. Compassionate and firm. We don’t need to absorb everyone’s pain to be supportive. But I’m also reminding myself that I don’t need to put up walls just because someone’s emotions make me uncomfortable.

So the next time you feel tempted to “just stay positive,” pause. Ask yourself: Is there something here I need to feel first? Sometimes, the most positive thing we can do is to sit with what’s real—and love ourselves (and others) through it.